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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a week is too long for visitors

85 replies

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 13:02

My mother is staying for a whole week! We haven’t spent time in the same house for about 10 years as I always stay in a hotel if I visit her (rarely) (not a great relationship as she’s narcissistic and very demanding). She hasn’t been particularly great since she arrived

but we’ve moved and she pretty much demanded a week stay as we now have more space

it’s only Tuesday and she doesn’t go until Friday 😩 and DP thought I was being mean but then admitted he couldn’t live for a week with his mother staying either.

i just feel like I can’t relax, she wants constant attention. Last night I got home from my two jobs at 6.30, cooked dinner, did the ironing, had a shower and went to bed which she was moody about

AIBU that a week is too long for most house guests??? Or maybe just mothers?

OP posts:
needsalotterywin · 28/10/2025 14:54

Definitely wayyyy too long if you are having to stay in "host" mode the whole time...I feel for you YANBU x

BauhausOfEliott · 28/10/2025 15:01

I wouldn't want anyone staying for a week, let alone someone I didn't have a great relationship with and who had form for being difficult.

My own mum is actually great but I wouldn't want her staying for a week.

PopcornKitten · 28/10/2025 15:07

A week is too long especially for someone you’d rather wasn’t staying anyway. I find it easier to have guests when they are a) independent and maybe go out a bit if I have to work. B) have a short visit planned and I’m off work.
hubby and I have decided we like our own space too much.

tootyflooty · 28/10/2025 15:08

Well, if I was your mum and you were out at work all day, I would have done your ironing and had dinner ready for you. I don't understand why some mums are like this. However my MIL is the same, and we would never entertain having her stay with us, fortunately my dh siblings always have that pleasure, as she is a demanding nightmare. I think I've got off lightly. I do feel for you though.

BedlingtonFloof · 28/10/2025 15:10

It'd be too much for me, and like a PP said, if I was working and busy all day, she'd help out and make sure I had dinner, etc., when I got home - she wouldn't demand to be waited on.

TadpolesInPool · 28/10/2025 15:11

Depends. MIL stayed for 4 weeks once (we had moved overseas) and did NOTHING for herself or anyone else. Just followed me around (DH was at work 😡). It was definitely too long and i was tearing my hair out.

My parents then came for 6 weeks. They helped cook every meal, hung the washing out etc. Just whatever needed doing. We all got a bit fed up after about 5 weeks so the next visit they only stayed 4 weeks. But it was lovely spending so much time with them.

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:12

Oh no she wouldn’t dream of cooking or ironing

OP posts:
JSMill · 28/10/2025 15:13

I regularly have my df or ILs stay longer than that and I have long learned that as far as I am concerned, they need to fit around the regular household routine if they want to stay for extended periods of time. I suspect my ILs particularly don’t like my attitude but tough. I already have much more cooking and cleaning to do. I don’t have the energy for ferrying people on day trips or chatting way past my bed time. I work in a school and need to save my energy and patience for the little tiddly peeps there.

ComfortFoodCafe · 28/10/2025 15:14

My mum does this, once she stayed two weeks!! Over the years Ive slowly cut down her stays, she’s coming soon for 4 days which is way more manageable. But she is a good house guest & happily cleans, cooks & used to help a lot with the dc when they were little.

ldnmusic87 · 28/10/2025 15:14

Does she have to stay until friday...?

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:15

@JSMill I am 100% with you, I sometimes go to bed at 8/8.30 and I don’t want to stay up talking shite when I have work & household stuff to do

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 28/10/2025 15:16

@princesspadam what do guests and fish have in common?

They start to stink after three days.

Hadalifeonce · 28/10/2025 15:18

DH insisted on a 3 day rule, so glad he did.

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:19

RosesAndHellebores · 28/10/2025 15:16

@princesspadam what do guests and fish have in common?

They start to stink after three days.

😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 28/10/2025 15:26

It's too long.

So she came last Friday did she? I'd have offered her something like Friday until Monday, so then you only have her for three nights and two full days (Saturday and Sunday). I'd have thought that would be enough.

When I go to visit my mother I go from Friday to Monday like that. It gives us enough time and I can relax with her, but it isn't too long.

The next time your mother wants to come the perhaps tell her that is what is on offer. Or similar.

Wreckinball · 28/10/2025 15:27

Can you give her a list of things to do while you are out and give her a timetable of what you will be doing and when so she gets an idea of how busy you are - she may decide to go early

soupmaker · 28/10/2025 15:29

OMFG it’s hell having visitors for more than 3 nights.

My MIL lives abroad and comes and stays for weeks on end. We now farm her out to DHs cousins for some of it so I don’t murder her. I’ve put my foot down and said absolutely no more than a week and DH has to be off work to entertain and manage her demands. we don’t even have a spare room so our space is completely invaded by her and her massive amounts of stuff.

My own Mum is a great house guest. Helps with cooking, cleaning, ironing, goes off to bed to give us some time in the evening, can make her own cup of tea, will sit and read and not feel the need to talk incessantly. But she’s allowed to stay 5 days max!

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:33

soupmaker · 28/10/2025 15:29

OMFG it’s hell having visitors for more than 3 nights.

My MIL lives abroad and comes and stays for weeks on end. We now farm her out to DHs cousins for some of it so I don’t murder her. I’ve put my foot down and said absolutely no more than a week and DH has to be off work to entertain and manage her demands. we don’t even have a spare room so our space is completely invaded by her and her massive amounts of stuff.

My own Mum is a great house guest. Helps with cooking, cleaning, ironing, goes off to bed to give us some time in the evening, can make her own cup of tea, will sit and read and not feel the need to talk incessantly. But she’s allowed to stay 5 days max!

oh I feel for you with the MIL

I Ave it the other way, my MIL is lovely but also I’m not sure I’d want her in my house for a week, holidays are fine with her though

OP posts:
ComfortFoodCafe · 28/10/2025 15:33

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

Sounds like she was expecting a hotel! Honestly, i would send her out for the day go sight seeing so you can have a break.

CharlotteFlax · 28/10/2025 15:34

Visitors are like fish. They stink after three days.

Edited to add that now I've read the whole thread, Rosesandhellebore has also said the same. High five, Roses!

Mikart · 28/10/2025 15:37

2 nights is enough for me

Nigelladamascena · 28/10/2025 15:40

My MIL stays every year for 6 weeks over the summer holidays. It used to be both PIL but my FIL died a couple of years ago.

This year my MIL is coming for Christmas. I thought it was going to be for a couple of weeks over the festive period. She rang to say she had booked flights and then said it was for 6 weeks. She lives in another country and now she is elderly she is finding it difficult so wants to make the most of it.

We don't have a spare room now so we have to set up a bed in the living room. I like my own space and I find it very difficult but I put that aside as this is DH's mum and she won't be around forever.

I must be a mug or strange by Mumsnet standards.

ChipDaleRescueRangers · 28/10/2025 15:41

As the old saying goes, guests are like fish, they stink after 3 days. 3 days is more than enough!!!!

MidnightPatrol · 28/10/2025 15:43

Yes too long.

Also hard if you are working as it means no down time.

Albeit if my mum was staying midweek and I was at work, she’d probably be volunteering to cook dinner / kids pick up / bedtimes etc.

Can you suggest that at least?