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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a week is too long for visitors

85 replies

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 13:02

My mother is staying for a whole week! We haven’t spent time in the same house for about 10 years as I always stay in a hotel if I visit her (rarely) (not a great relationship as she’s narcissistic and very demanding). She hasn’t been particularly great since she arrived

but we’ve moved and she pretty much demanded a week stay as we now have more space

it’s only Tuesday and she doesn’t go until Friday 😩 and DP thought I was being mean but then admitted he couldn’t live for a week with his mother staying either.

i just feel like I can’t relax, she wants constant attention. Last night I got home from my two jobs at 6.30, cooked dinner, did the ironing, had a shower and went to bed which she was moody about

AIBU that a week is too long for most house guests??? Or maybe just mothers?

OP posts:
somanythingssolittletime · 28/10/2025 15:46

Depends on your culture and her expectations. My mum comes from abroad and stays 2-3 weeks at a time. She doesn’t expect any hosting. She does all the cooking and housework, so when I come home from work we have dinner together and chat. Then I go to bed while she stays up to scroll or crochet.
My MIL also doesn’t expect hosting, but she stays in a hotel as she likes her space. She will still come to ours to cook and we all have dinner together, but then she will leave to go rest.

Thecarstairsitreallyhurtsmegirl · 28/10/2025 15:46

Four hours is plenty..Ta ta🙋🙋

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 16:00

shes 80, so getting on, but she can get to Rhodes on holiday with her friend so I pull a face when she says she can’t get down our front steps without help

however she has been like this for as long as I can remember

OP posts:
ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 28/10/2025 16:01

1 day is too long for visitors!

Lilyowl · 28/10/2025 16:10

Yes too long. Would host someone for this length of there was a need though but wouldn't be "hosting" as such.

SchrodingersParrot · 28/10/2025 16:19

I'm reminded of the saying "Guests are like fish. After three days they start to smell."

Ivy888 · 28/10/2025 17:08

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

Her walking around in underwear suggests she either cannot read the room or is starting to have mental issues.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like she isn’t at yours to see you, but at yours to have a holiday. Remember this next time she wants to come. It will help you refuse to let her stay again. Honestly, I would make her stay uncomfortable (get the kids to play loud music), cook food you know she doesn’t like..) so she is not inclined to come again.

MyLimeGuide · 28/10/2025 17:16

How awful for you 😥

ManteesRock · 28/10/2025 17:39

If you're still out of the house all day working then I'd say no; it's not too long.

ManteesRock · 28/10/2025 17:45

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 16:00

shes 80, so getting on, but she can get to Rhodes on holiday with her friend so I pull a face when she says she can’t get down our front steps without help

however she has been like this for as long as I can remember

Bloody hell just because she can go on holiday it doesn't mean she can't manage stairs!
I went to Florida for 2 weeks, but my disability means I can't climb a flight of stairs!

OneHazelFox · 28/10/2025 19:24

My parents would always ask if staying from A to B was ok. My in laws always told us which got my back up before they’d arrived. A huge difference in approach. My parents helped. My in laws sound like your mum. My MIL is also narcissistic. They’d use us as a hotel, go out to eat without us etc. I was always happy to see the back of them! I bit my tongue a lot because they are my DH’s parents. some guests are just so much easier than others!
Could you talk to your mum? If you’re working you’re probably shattered when you get home and she has got to appreciate this! Perhaps she could meal prep during the day so she feels useful and it uses some of the long time while you’re in work. Good luck. I know there is not an easy answer.

notacooldad · 28/10/2025 19:32

Its not specificaly 'mothers' thats the problem, its some mothers just as much as some MIL OR FILs or some brothers or sisters etc ive has my MIL stay with me for months when she was between houses and again, for months when she was at end of life. Ive also had SIL for 3 years during the covid years. Neither of which were a problem.
To me a week isnt much and I could manage that with my own mum who gets on my nerves!

Givenupshopping · 28/10/2025 19:40

My Mum is the only person in the world that I could have stay for that long, as she was no trouble at all, and I loved her company, but anyone else more than a couple of days is just too much.

Would it have been any better if you weren't working while she's staying with you? If so, I might be tempted to say something along the lines of "Mum, can I be honest with you?" She will say yes, then say "I was really looking forward to your stay, but to be honest I don't think you being here while I'm working is making either of us happy, as I feel guilty for leaving you on your own so much, and you're clearly not happy about not having a TV in your room, etc.". Then suggest that she goes home early, and perhaps in future only comes at a weekend or whatever days you don't work.

ConverseAddict · 28/10/2025 20:03

PIL wanted ‘value’ from their visit so always tried to push the number of days. They were the kind who wanted waiting on, didn’t want to go anywhere, be noisy into the early hours.
Ironically they didn’t think there would be an issue with us going to them overnight to attend things (4 hours each way).
so we had to put our foot down over it (so they rarely came).

mondaytosunday · 28/10/2025 20:09

Me and my kids visit my sister at Christmas every other year and stay for two weeks (another country).
Except she’s not hosting us - we just all muck in and I share the cost of food and cook and we don’t make a mess. She does any driving so I pay for a tank of fuel. My mother used to visit after my father died but it was max four days if I recall. But she did not expect to be waited on and was happy to go with the flow. When they were both alive we used to visit them abroad and I don’t know it’s family it just worked. No one was hosting the other. I couldn’t live long term with them but a week isn’t that long.

notnorman · 28/10/2025 20:12

We have guests from another county. They usually stay 2-3 weeks. Do no housework, cook for themselves not anyone else, drives me mad

TheTwitcher11 · 28/10/2025 20:13

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 13:02

My mother is staying for a whole week! We haven’t spent time in the same house for about 10 years as I always stay in a hotel if I visit her (rarely) (not a great relationship as she’s narcissistic and very demanding). She hasn’t been particularly great since she arrived

but we’ve moved and she pretty much demanded a week stay as we now have more space

it’s only Tuesday and she doesn’t go until Friday 😩 and DP thought I was being mean but then admitted he couldn’t live for a week with his mother staying either.

i just feel like I can’t relax, she wants constant attention. Last night I got home from my two jobs at 6.30, cooked dinner, did the ironing, had a shower and went to bed which she was moody about

AIBU that a week is too long for most house guests??? Or maybe just mothers?

This is my worst nightmare, I’d probably need a week to recover lol

ACynicalDad · 28/10/2025 20:14

in laws stayed for 6 weeks once FML. Could be worse!

user1476613140 · 28/10/2025 20:16

You must be a saint. Two hours is enough!

Vivisays · 28/10/2025 20:25

princesspadam · 28/10/2025 15:31

I did suggest a long weekend but she said it wasn’t long enough

she was disappointed on arrival that there was no tv in her room as she ‘likes to stay in bed’

she told ds2 she’d watch him play rugby Sunday but then she said she’d sit in the car so I told her not to bother

I also had to tell her it’s not appropriate to walk around in underwear when there are unrelated family living there (step children)

honestly im exhausted!!!!!

I think I’d put a TV in the bedroom, if only to encourage her to stay in there! Running about in her underwear - Jeezlouise, how old is she … 😳

Original poster
princesspadam · 28/10/2025 20:39

@Givenupshoppingi wish I could speak to her like this but it will be met with a ‘oh well I just won’t bother you again’ passive aggressive comment or some manipulative tears, I don’t have time for either

@Vivisaysshes 80 and was quite put out that I asked her to put trousers on in case DSS was around

tonight after she had finished her meal she pushed her plate over to me to take out. She couldn’t even get up and put it in the kitchen.

im never doing longer than 3 nights again, for anyone

OP posts:
Givenupshopping · 29/10/2025 00:08

In view of what you've now told us about her age, and the way you think she would react if you did say what I suggested, then I think you will only feel guilty if you tell her to go home before her visit is officially over, and of course you'd never forgive yourself if she left early, and then something happened to her before you were to see her again. So I think you just have to bite the bullet, and let her stay. If she's still quite spritely, then I would ask her to help with a few chores during the day, so that she doesn't get bored, and then grumpy, which she'll doubtless take out on you when you get home. Maybe word it like 'Mum, it would really help if you could do X,Y, or Z if you feel up to it while I'm at work, (it might be something like peeling the spuds, or making a pie for tea) as that will leave me more time to spend chatting with you later. Hopefully that will make her feel useful, and help you a little too. Sadly, when parents get to that age, they do tend to become hard work, and a bit grumpy, but remember when she's getting on your nerves, that you might not have her much longer, so treasure her while she's still here, as no matter how bad your relationship is now, you WILL miss her when she's gone.

Noshadelamp · 29/10/2025 02:03

I hadn't seen my mother for twelve years, which included a time of low contact (my childhood has been difficult and abusive), but also different countries, young dcs, finances etc.
My mother had a serious health scare so once she was up to it I went to stay with her for two and a half weeks.
The first week was terrible and I wanted to go home. We really struggled to get along, I was triggered badly and felt like a child again. She was anxious having someone else in the house.
I tried my best to keep the peace, make concessions, keep out of her way etc

Then finally we had a falling out the second weekend, three days before I was leaving.
However this sort of cleared the air and the last three days were lovely.

I wish we'd had the falling out sooner!

So things might need to come to a head before they get better.

Natsku · 29/10/2025 03:08

Depends on the guests. A week is too short for when my parents visit, they stay at least two weeks (I live abroad so its a lot of travel for them to visit) but I prefer 3 weeks. I'd happily have my mum stay for a month but she can only usually come for one or two weeks when visits without my dad because he can't manage on his own too long (getting old). But my parents are good guests, my mum will wash up, make dinner, do the vacuuming etc. Dad does tend to dominate the tv but he will happily entertain DS for as long as wanted, and they will both go out places by themselves and entertain themselves.

ItsNotMeEither · 29/10/2025 05:14

She’s already given you part of the solution! For goodness sake, if she visits again, make sure there is a TV in her room. It sounds like she’d then happily stay in there longer. That’s a win!