To think a week is too long for visitors

[princesspadam]

My mother is staying for a whole week! We haven’t spent time in the same house for about 10 years as I always stay in a hotel if I visit her (rarely) (not a great relationship as she’s narcissistic and very demanding). She hasn’t been particularly great since she arrived

but we’ve moved and she pretty much demanded a week stay as we now have more space

it’s only Tuesday and she doesn’t go until Friday 😩 and DP thought I was being mean but then admitted he couldn’t live for a week with his mother staying either.

i just feel like I can’t relax, she wants constant attention. Last night I got home from my two jobs at 6.30, cooked dinner, did the ironing, had a shower and went to bed which she was moody about

AIBU that a week is too long for most house guests??? Or maybe just mothers?

My MIL is currently here for a two week stay. We're on day 5 and my social battery is already very dead.

She's mostly lovely and will help out, but drops a lot of hints about going to local church events. A contentious issue because she's very religious and we are the opposite.

Her efforts have definitely ramped up since we have had a child too. It's a lot of "oh, I just saw that the church are having a Halloween party. Wouldn't that be lovely to take DGD to!" I just nod and ignore all suggestions.

Is your MIL kind and helpful? That would make a big difference whether people would tolerate such a long visit, especially as you need to give up your bedroom for six weeks.

Is your DH from the country where your MIL lives or did she and PIL choose to move there from the UK? That would also make a difference about what a lot of people would tolerate.

Not for my mum but she’d have had dinner ready and done my ironing for me.

In the distant days when I visited with my parents for christmas I used to arrive christmas eve and leave as soon as transport was again running (day after boxing day). I dont drive so I always felt trapped there because of that. I hate the big noisy get togethers with yards of kids underfoot. I always took a laptop and retired to my room with it when it got too much. Once I left home I never stayed for longer than 3 nights and usually just a weekend. I hate staying in other people's houses.

My in-laws do this twice a year and I dread those weeks for months in advance. My friend sums it up best, " visitors are like fish, they go bad after 3 days". Its so true that my husband and I mutter " we've hit the three day mark" every visit now as the atmosphere always turns on day 3. It genuinely makes me want to downsize and get rid of the guest bedroom.

Too much. I’m sure you’re absolutely drained. Apart from my husband and two children who I live with, I absolutely hate having people in my house at all, it puts me on edge.

You need to learn to say no.

Anything over an hour is too long for me.🤣

A day is too long. A week is nuts.

OP, I think we have the same mother - you have my sympathy.

Not sure if it helps, but my mum (like all good narcs) likes to be the centre of everything, and that is a big trigger for her moods/outbursts. I find that treating DM like one of the kids when she stays with us works wonders - regular snacks, meals pre-planned and activities communicated in advance, even if it’s “tonight we’re having a movie night”, or “tomorrow’s a chilled do nothing day”. It’s extra work initially, but pays off as you can then fade into the background (at least, I can) xx

Two hours is enough for me. I’m not sorry 🤣

YANBU. 5 minutes and I've had enough of my parents.

Guests are like fish - they go off after 3 days.
I couldn't stay with anyone for longer than that!

Another one here seconding the 'guests are like fish ' comment. After the year DH's mum and sister came for Xmas on Xmas Eve and dropped into conversation that they were intending staying until New Year - they were unceremoniously ushered out the door the day after Boxing Day as both DH and I had to go back to work - I put my foot down and said we were not hosting anyone for more than 2 days.

I'm so sorry you have a mum like this, mine also has Narcky traits.... A week is definitely too long, shame she couldn't have made dinner for you, then you might have been able to sit and catch up.

Yes @sunflower85 I am permanently on edge.

she was better yesterday as I had a day off and took her out. She did a lot of ‘oh I’d love to come for Xmas’ / ‘oh I’d love to go to Dubai/ carribean’ etc

i mostly ignored

It is too long, especially if you don't get any downtime after work!

I've just had my mother to stay for a week, for the first time since I've moved here. I took time off work, as I didn't think that I could cope with work + running the house + a full-time guest. We get on well, and I enjoy spending time together, but I do need time to myself! Then it was back in work for a two-day course (plus normal work afterwards), and now what feels like a very long stretch in work!

Do you, your partner and all of your children have separate bedrooms? Could you install an office/playroom/a room of requirements in the spare room, even if you don't need one?

So, yes, a week is too long for house guests!

Yes, observe the Three Day Rule! (in future)

Sounds like she is a really awful mother and GM. what’s the purpose of her even visiting. I can’t imagine my DM doing this at all. When my DM visits she insists on doing all the cooking which we absolutely are spoilt with. She will also offer to do school runs etc. she will muck in and do whatever is needed around the house even though we constantly tell her don’t bother as we have a cleaner. She’s a proper mother.
We spoil her as well and just love having her over.

I really feel sorry for people like you op who got the short end.

My mum will batch cook and stock up my freezer for months, the kids are sorted with food. She will sit and spend time with them, wants to have their friends over. I become a child again when she’s around 🤣 Dh loves it as well, as she really gives us a break. It’s the only time we go out without the kids as I know she will take care of them like I do.

It really depends on the guest. 3h is more than long enough for my parents!
My mum stayed overnight for 3 days going home during the day when I was having my son and even though I was only there for the first night it was way too long. Thankfully they only live in the next town.

I would happily have my in-laws move in however! They regularly stay for 5+ days, the longest they have stayed is 2 weeks They have done 5 days three times in the last 7 weeks since my son was born and did 2 weeks in August. We have stayed with them for 2 weeks at a time too. They look after us, do all the jobs that we don't have time for. They are currently weeding my garden and clearing up all the dropped leaves.
Help to my parents however involves following me around watching me cook and just as I have finished the prep and have got to the point I can sit down they ask if there is anything they can do to help

I should also say they are also really good company and i happily spend social time with them even if my partner isn't around

I'm not saying a week isn't too long for you but I wouldn't be going to bed at 8:30 when we had any kind of guests unless I was unwell. It is quite rude especially when you're not off work for the visit.

Don’t have her back

I’m sorry mum this just doesn’t work for us and our routine,
perhaps you’d be better in a hotel

just don’t invite her

What I wouldn't give for my Mum to spend a week with me. Sadly she passed away a few years back, but we loved each other's company, my husband loved her too.
I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with that person.