AIBU to be upset that dd12 didn’t go on any rides at Alton Towers

[Hghlandlow]

just that really. I’m fighting with that’s ok not everyone likes rides and wanting her to just not be scared of things. She went with friends so created an issue with her being the only one not going on

It's not about being scared. Plenty of people don't enjoy those sorts of rides. They give me a pounding headache and make me feel sick. Perhaps your dd feels the same.

Personally I can't think of a more pointless day out.

The thing is, your dd isn't you. She is entitled to her own preferences.

Odd numbers work too, and sometimes allow you to skip forward in the queue because they need to fill spaces

Did she otherwise enjoy the day? We went to Disney as mine aren’t into rides but loved the atmosphere and still really enjoyed it all,

I’m confused by the update.

Did she want to go on the ride but didn’t want to sit alone? Why wouldn’t she suggest sitting 2 rows of 2 over 3+1?

Or was she scared of the roller coasters so spent her time waiting for her friends to get off rides? Or was she hoping that her friends would ride on a gentle ride?

So was it that she didn’t want to be alone on the ride (not all are in pairs), that she didn’t want to go on the scarier rides or that she felt pressured to sit out and mind the bags so was deliberately left out?

Oh good grief this is taking me back....when I was in high school I went on a trip to Alton Towers so I would have been 16 or 17 at this time....and myself and one other girl were the only ones who didn't go on a single ride. Yep. I just couldn't do it.

It seemed like a great idea at the time but once there I just freaked out. I don't blame your DD, OP. Rides are not for everyone.

Nothing you can do if your car gets side swiped by a truck, door wedged and you go into the water, you get rear ended into a wall and your legs are shattered...

Does that make all people who get in cars "lower intellect"?

No, because they normally have somewhere they need to get to.

ETA there's no need to feel defensive: I've done my fair share of rollercoasters myself. But I don't really get this "Oh so brave" admiration for doing it. And I'm not sure it does make sense to view it that way.

How do you manage to leave the house, with this mindset?

A car could mount the pavement and hit you, a stranger could attack you, a helicopter could fall from the sky and land on you.

Oh for goodness sake! See my eta above.

I didn't say no-one should ever do it; i simply said I don't see that it demonstrates "bravery." Nor is leaving the house "brave" for most people.

But as the thrill junkies wade in they do seem to be proving my point about intellect.

I suspect that this isn’t about rides really.

Are you perhaps worried that she’s too timid in lots of areas of life?
Are you fighting a sense that she’s not like other kids her age?
Are you anxious about her fitting in generally?

Whether she’s an introvert, anxious or neurodivergent, she needs to be able to talk to you without feeling that your disappointed by her differences.

It would be helpful to talk to her about how she feels about what happened. Why did she accept the invitation? Did she truly believe she’d be able to go on rides but then unexpectedly felt too scared to do it? Or, did she know deep down that it probably wasn’t for her, but accepted the invitation anyway? And if so, was that because she really wanted to push herself to try? Or was it because she’s a people-pleaser and didn’t know how to turn down the invitation?

Ultimately, whatever the reason, she needs to get to grips with what she actually enjoys and find her voice without shame. Confidence will come from feeling safe to be herself, not forcing herself to try to be someone she is not. And, as her mother, your acceptance is more important than anyone else’s.

It's the attitude that people are somehow less intelligent for getting on roller costers

People aren't always in cars for vitally important reasons anyway

I agree with this.

And if the answer is that she doesn't really enjoy the rides, I don't see that as anything for anyone to feel ashamed of.

Well I guess I'm looking at it from the other perspective, namely the attitude that wanting to get on them somehow demonstrates some sort of superiority.

Why?

Because of the very tiny chance of an accident?

When so many things in life have a much higher chance of an accident?

Driving to the theme park is more dangerous!

Surely theme parks are about more than just rides?

I’m heading to Orlando this month and don’t plan on going on any of the rides at the parks, just going to enjoy walking around them and maybe getting on a tame water ride if there is one.

What issue did she create? When I was in secondary school the whole school went every other year to Alton Towers. Those who didn’t want to ride the big rides just queued up with friends and then stepped through to wait at the exit while their friends rode. No big deal and everyone still had a good day. I can understand if she wanted someone to miss the ride and stay with her, that’s not very fair.

Which is part of why I am saying it is a bit dim to see it as somehow "brave."

I’m confused so she did want to go on the rides but didn’t??

You know your dd best OP. I wouldn’t have any issue with not wanting to go on rides, but if your concern is because you think there is a wider problem or nervousness and distress than that’s something to address in its own right. Just since you have said she tends to be overwhelmed and in tears.

I am still not sure I understand what the issue was and whether it's you who is upset or DD.
Do you mean they went as an odd number and that's why DD wouldn't go on rides as she would have been on her own? Or do you think she caused an issue because she didn't go on the rides, meaning the other friends had an odd number? Surely at 12 they would be able to take turns in who rides solo and even then they could sit in the row behind on many rides.

You also don't know whether she was upset as you haven't asked. You are assuming she was upset as you believe she would have been overwhelmed.
This is where I am not sure what's upsetting here. Did she say she didn't have a good day? Did the friends say something to you?

My youngest is the same. Teacups is about all she can cope with. She ends up stood with me holding everything. And didnt go to the school trips as she new she would be bored .
They really aren't for everyone.

Maybe she was worried about sitting on her own, if there was an odd number? While the main attractions are the rides, there is a lot of other stuff going on at Alton Towers at the moment as it’s Scarefest. Although if her friends were on rides or queuing for rides the whole time, it must have been boring for her.

I have had the opposite experience somewhat. My parents enjoyed going on bigger rides, but none of my friends liked going to theme parks throughout the years. Have ended up going solo a few times, but have realised that it’s ok.