Dd s boyfriend wants a pre nup .

[Velveteenrabbitt]

dd had been with her bf since uni - he has several investments and earns 85 k plus massive bonuses and his earnings will increase. She earns 32k

They are buying a house together and she is investing 30% of deposit , he 70% . Has he has more money.
They told me y day that he wants a pre nup when they get married.
I must admit I was very shocked as I assumed marriage to be a ‘ we situation’ and everything is shared as in the good and the bad - and why would money be the only thing not shared ?

I spoke to him about it as he told me that his mates just dont get it . He says that its because he has seen some married men lose their home And end up in rented if the couple split up and the man ends up worse off mostly, he wants to make sure that If anything happened its not like that .
The mortgage but also it will be not what i assumed in that it will be - joint ownership - but that he gives 70% contributions to deposit and mortgage payments, and she gives 30 % and that will be reflected too .

We are giving dd part of her deposit. The solicitor says that this is classed as a gift and is paid when the mortgage commences.

dd says that initially she was upset and insulted , but now she understands what he means she is ok with it .

I understand that she will need a solicitor for her part of the pre nup.?
I remain anxious about this - it does not feel normal ?

How can i address this with sensitivity with dd without isolating her from us ?

Ive said to him it needs to be fair and in the marriage would be uneasy if dd had to buy cheap clothes for eg and him with more income had much more spending money.. he said that - what people don't see is he does treat her - and he is generous- but again thats in his control .

He comes from quite a deprived background and I think part of this may be anxiety as he has worked very very hard .

I don't want to interfere , dd adult, but also our dd.I am aware we may need to tread carefully here am looking for balanced support and i want to stay measured about this and calm etc.

If your daughter was the higher earner you would have a different opinion trust me

Totally agree, there really are not legally binding and if they chose a good solicitor,
hopefully they advise her discretely .
The exact situation happened to a friend of mine.

I wouldn't and I'd be disappointed in my son (or daughter) if they took this approach to the person they were marrying (unless it was a later marriage or there were children to protect the assets for).

They are binding if certain conditions are met

@windintheoak

then you are incredibly naive.

it’s perfectly reasonable to hope for the best but plan for the best in today’s age.

I’ve not long gone through divorce and it’s only through my own initiative of protecting what I brought into the relationship (we were in our 20s when we married - before kids came alone - together over 10 years unexpected ending) that my ex wasn’t rewarded for MY hard work and that of my parents (inheritance)

@Beddaax In very very few cases! Only the very rich with considerable assets brought into the marriage and a very short marriage. In this case, that won’t apply - but a marriage could be short! Once dc arrive and the marriage is longer, everything accrued in the marriage is in the pot. Few judges disadvantage dc by awarding more to non resident parent. If he was coming in with £ millions it would be different and he could ring fence this.

I was younger than that when I got married. We both brought almost nothing to the marriage (ok, he had a car, I didn't) and so it's all what we've achieved together. I have most of his small inheritance sitting in a bank account in my name for reasons. I would never abuse that trust and we even consider inheritances joint. If my parents die (hopefully not for a good bit yet!), I may inherit enough to allow him to retire a bit earlier. If that happens, I will talk to him about using the money I inherit to retire together.