My brother lives in the US and is married with three kids (aged 10, 8 & 6). I usually call him 2-5 times a month, on weekends, to video chat with his kids. He rarely (if ever) calls me. I don't keep him for too long, usually 10-20mins. Sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. For many months now, he's been answering less often, and I've been calling less often. I've only was able to speak to the kids about once a month or less in the last 6 months. We use FB messenger to communicate. Sometimes when he didn’t answer he'd reply later in the day & explain (we are at a park etc) but never said when would be a good time to call. I replied in August to say to feel free to call me when not busy. I didn't do it with judgement, but if he's more busy it makes sense he chooses the time of any calls. He never called, not once.
The last time I called & he answered he said (without irony) that his youngest was just asking after my son and me, and asking why she hasn't seen us in a while. That was more than a month ago. My calls the last two weekends were not answered & no messages received. I'm really hurt and upset by this but I think I just give-up. I'm sorry to lose contact with the kids but I feel like there is little I can do. AIBU to stop calling and just leave things.
I thought of trying via his wife, but while she is lovely when I visit she never calls me or answers my calls. She rarely even reads FB messages. And when I call my brother she rarely speaks to me. She's always busy arranging something or doesn't have her make-up on (I never wear makeup so don't care, but she does it seems). For a year I would always do a group call to my brother and his wife, and his wife never picked up the call, only my brother sometimes answered
I'm a working mum with a toddler and a partner who runs his own business, so I am busy too. But I make time for Family. My husband's family are all busy, some work 2 jobs, some work 7 days and they all have children also. But my husband's family finds time to call and message directly to me, as well as call my husband and chat to me also. My SIL via my husband talk to me with or without makeup on. We don't care!
For some background, there is an issue with our mother. I cut contact with her 8 years ago for narcisistic behaviour (long before it was fashionable, lol). My brother is the golden child and doesn't see any problem with perfect, victim dear Mummy. He rarely wants to talk about it, but when he decides to bring it up he blames me. I tried to build a good relationship with him but it doesn't seem to work. He mostly just hands the phone to the kids & never asks me much & doesn't respond much. He also only answers when his kids are around and won't go somewhere private. A few years ago when our Dad was seriously unwell I wanted to speak privately. He said I can talk about Dad maybe dying in front of his kids (then aged about 4, 6 & 8). I refused and was horrified he behaved like that. I call on or before the kids' birthdays. I post birthday & Christmas presents to all 3 kids each year. When I talked about cutting back and sending cards with a bit of cash I was told the kids love my gifts. This year when my son turned one I was busy celebrating with my husbands family, but realised a few months later that my brother didn't message or call to wish my son a happy birthday. And there was no present in the post. He didn't even comment on or like the Facebook post I made wishing my son Happy Birthday. At least my SIL liked the post.
AIBU to just stop calling all together and basically abandon my relationship with my brother's kids?