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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wills, hurt feelings and family ties

72 replies

Bluecrystal2 · 27/10/2025 04:59

My sister gave me a copy of her draft Will. We do not have contact with the rest of the family and have always been best friends.

I'm just lumped together with other family members. I'm elderly and financially sound, so it's nothing to do with the money, but it's made me realise that everything has been surface level. I always think people show how they really feel about you when large amounts of money are involved.

I know she can do what she likes with her own money but I can never see her in the same light, Would love to hear from other people who have had a similar experience.

OP posts:

BallerinaRadio · 27/10/2025 05:04

If you're looking at people in a different light maybe you could shine that torch on yourself....

briq · 27/10/2025 05:10

If you don't need the money and she knows that, why attribute so much weight and value to how much she's left you?

BabyCat2020z · 27/10/2025 05:10

Depends, I don't think I would leave my brother anything as I would leave everything to my kids. I do like my brother but this is not something I would have thought of as he is well off enough not to need my money.

AuthorisedCat · 27/10/2025 05:14

Did you need to read it? Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I have my PIL's will that they gave to us for safe keeping some 10 years ago - envelope still sealed.

thepariscrimefiles · 27/10/2025 05:17

Is your sister leaving her money to the estranged relatives rather than you? If so, I can see why you are upset.

I wouldn't leave anything to my sibling unless I had no spouse/partner, children or grandchildren to leave it to.

Shoxfordian · 27/10/2025 05:18

Maybe she doesn't expect to outlive you by long or knows you don't need the money

wannasleepmore · 27/10/2025 05:38

You're elderly and don't need it, which she probably knows. Is she trying to spread it around to help those who need it more? It doesn't mean your relationship is less because of what she has done with her will. I'm sure she has thought out reasons.

Barney16 · 27/10/2025 05:45

Tricky one because you think her will indicates that she doesn't value you more than others. But she may just think well BlueCrystal2 doesn't need my money. Maybe to her money doesn't mean too much. You should talk to her about it.

CopperWhite · 27/10/2025 06:05

So you mean being mentioned in her will isn’t good enough for you because other people are due to receive the same amount as you?

What were you expecting?
How is she mentioned in your will in comparison to others.

ThejoyofNC · 27/10/2025 06:12

BallerinaRadio · 27/10/2025 05:04

If you're looking at people in a different light maybe you could shine that torch on yourself....

Completely agree.

Original poster

Bluecrystal2 · 27/10/2025 06:19

ThejoyofNC · 27/10/2025 06:12

Completely agree.

Show quote history

Thanks for the honesty and I do need to look at myself for sure.

I plan to leave everything to her and just took it for granted that she would do the same. Given age difference and health she will likely outlive me.

OP posts:

ChikinLikin · 27/10/2025 06:24

I love my sister but I'm not leaving her anything in my will.
If I was leaving money to my siblings, I would leave them all the same amount even though I don't like them all.
Wills do not demonstrate love.

ButtonMushrooms · 27/10/2025 06:31

So she's leaving her money to family members that she is not in contact with at all? I agree that's a bit surprising. If she is sad about being no contact and wants to build bridges, wouldn't it be better to do it now, while she's alive, rather than in her will?

Soontobe60 · 27/10/2025 06:42

So who IS she leaving her estate to?

Notsandwiches · 27/10/2025 06:47

"Everything has been surface level". So was your relationship with her based on an expectation of monetary repayment? I think your assumptions are very surface level and entitled.

vivainsomnia · 27/10/2025 06:52

All it means is that people have different perspectives about what they think is the right thing to do when it comes to leaving your wealth. Some see it as a mean to rewarding those who were close to them and brought them happiness in life. Others see it as a responsibility to their family no matter the emotions.

It sounds like you two have different perspectives nothing else. If you love her as much as you say, you'll accept that you don't have to see everything the same way and respect her choices.

DuchessofReality · 27/10/2025 06:54

How old are you and what is the age difference? I love my parents deeply but they don’t feature in my will at all. Even if I was terminally ill and knew they would outlive me I still wouldn’t leave them any money. They don’t need it and it would then mean they would die with it, there would be a second lot of inheritance tax in the money, and it would then go to who they chose rather than who would be my ‘next choice after them’.

Original poster

Bluecrystal2 · 27/10/2025 06:57

She's leaving her money to estranged relatives and the house to a charity.

This happened yesterday and I felt very hurt and pushed aside. I probably owe her an apology but loyalty and blood ties mean different things to different people. I assumed I was right but have realised that maybe it's ego and self interest on my part. Need to have a cuppa and a think.

OP posts:

Icyzebra3 · 27/10/2025 06:58

Why is she leaving money to family
When you say ,you are the only family she has contact with .
So she is leaving money to people she has nothing to do with ?

Dozer · 27/10/2025 06:58

YABVU saying ‘everything has been surface level’.

If she’s leaving money to people who you have both been estranged from, understand that’s difficult for you, but it must be her preference. That could be for lots of reasons - you could ask her about it, but if you do don’t guilt-trip her!

Dozer · 27/10/2025 06:59

Oh, you’ve already fallen out with her? That’s not good!

Icyzebra3 · 27/10/2025 06:59

That does sound odd
Unless the estranged family are her children

Lostsadandconfused · 27/10/2025 06:59

I'm assuming you don’t have children, but does she?

My sister and I are very close, but I don’t expect her to leave me anything, I don’t need it and she has a child (adult).

She could use my money though, and although I don’t expect her to outlive me, I’ve left everything to her, and then my niece.

Icyzebra3 · 27/10/2025 07:00

Leaving her house to charity is also odd
Who are the estranged family members

SparklyGlitterballs · 27/10/2025 07:00

Well, it obviously is about the money, otherwise why would you be so upset?

I'm assuming both you and your sister have no partner or children if your personal expectation was you leave everything to each other? Your sister recognises you're older, not in such good health as her, and not in need of the money, so has seen it more prudent to share her estate around. Why would you even want the entirety of her estate?

I think this actually says much more about you than your sister. Just on the limited information given, she sounds generous and forgiving. You however seem quite greedy.

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