My partner and I recently got engaged after 9 years together and we’re absolutely thrilled. We’ve always dreamy of getting married in Italy, whether it was just the two of us eloping or having a slightly larger celebration there. I would happily elope but partner wants a bigger wedding as we have a huge amount of close friends.
The tricky part is my partner’s family. His dad has three brothers, and while he’s close to one (who will be invited), he only sees the other two a handful of times a year. One of them is also his boss. He’s decided not to invite those two, which I completely understand, but I know it’s going to cause HUGE tension.
It’s the same with his cousins. One cousin will be invited, but the cousins two siblings won’t be. We only see them three times a year max and don't often speak much apart from family events. One of those cousins has four children, so inviting them would add six extra guests just from that cousin alone, which isn’t possible with our numbers and budget.
I’m already feeling stressed about it because I’ve organised a surprise 30th party for my partner next year, and his parents were very vocal about the guest list, saying we “can’t invite one uncle and not the other" and I can't talk to DP about this because it's a surprise. MIL is lovely but very opinionated and insists certain family members and family friends should be invited to a 30th, let alone a wedding. Even though I've only met these family friends a couple of times and DP hasn't really spent much time with them apart from when he was a child (family friend holidays) I'm dreading to think how she will be about cutting family/family friends out of our wedding.
We’re limited to 70 guests and already at 66 including photographer we are flying out with us. It’s child free apart from his sisters 3 sons, and we’ve had to cut some of our own friends to make space. I only have 5 family members coming as mine is quite small, whereas he already has 22, with the rest (35 including partners) being our closest friends.
We know destination weddings can be divisive, but that’s why we’re being so selective. We want a small, meaningful day with the people who matter most. I’m just dreading how his parents will react when they realise some uncles, cousins and family friends aren’t invited. Even if we had a UK wedding, it would still cost just as much with the same amount of people coming and only having one day, whereas abroad we get 4 full days. We also know not everyone will be able to make it/want to which is absolutely fine and we are aware of that. Has anyone been through something similar? How did you manage the family drama. It's actually making this not enjoyable.