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Original poster

Family holiday without DS1?

86 replies

Needingadvice05 · 26/10/2025 18:16

Sorry in advance if this is confusing, I'm not sure if I'm overthinking...but I would really appreciate others perspective on this..

I'm in a blended family - DS1 with my ex and DS2 with current partner. This year it's my ex's turn to be with DS1 this Christmas. We've been invited to go on a family holiday during the Christmas period but it means leaving DS1 at home - the holiday is at my parents family home in a beautiful hot climate - DS1 usually joins us on these family holidays there but this Christmas he is with his dad and we would also have to leave before term finishes which means he would have to go to breakfast clubs and aftershool clubs (which he hates) and he would know that his mum, step dad, brother, and grandparents have all gone on this family holiday without him.

I feel like he would feel really sad and excluded but my partner thinks he won't care ...but he's a sensitive child and recently didn't have a great parents evening review - they said he'd been having low mood at school and playing on his own in the playground and also recently had a panic attack.

I just don't feel comfortable leaving him behind but then feel guilty as my partner wants to go and sais it's also not fair on DS1 to miss out on this holiday away ..

I'd be really grateful to hear your thoughts...

Thankyou in advance 🙏

OP posts:
littleturtledove · 27/10/2025 12:36

Can you discuss with your parents whether different dates might be possible?

notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 12:40

thisishowloween · 26/10/2025 18:31

You can't leave your son behind.

He’ll be with his father

notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 12:41

littleturtledove · 27/10/2025 12:36

Can you discuss with your parents whether different dates might be possible?

Change Christmas ?

littleturtledove · 27/10/2025 13:21

notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 12:41

Change Christmas ?

Show quote history

?

morellamalessdrama · 27/10/2025 13:45

Please keep an eye on your DH, his response to a seven year child potentially feeling very upset doesn’t seem quite right.

Original poster
Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 14:03

@littleturtledove we've spoken about other potential dates but it just won't work time wise so we will wait until we can all go next Christmas.

@vivainsomnia and @morellamalessdrama Yes I will keep an eye on this..DS1 has a really good relationship with his step dad who provides pretty much everything for him and I know loves him deeply.. I am surprised by his response when I said I didn't want to leave DS1... but maybe he genuinely doesn't think DS1 will be bothered because he would get to spend the extra time with his dad which he is always asking for.. either way after our chat he seems accepting and ok to stay home this Christmas. X

OP posts:
littleturtledove · 27/10/2025 14:15

Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 14:03

@littleturtledove we've spoken about other potential dates but it just won't work time wise so we will wait until we can all go next Christmas.

@vivainsomnia and @morellamalessdrama Yes I will keep an eye on this..DS1 has a really good relationship with his step dad who provides pretty much everything for him and I know loves him deeply.. I am surprised by his response when I said I didn't want to leave DS1... but maybe he genuinely doesn't think DS1 will be bothered because he would get to spend the extra time with his dad which he is always asking for.. either way after our chat he seems accepting and ok to stay home this Christmas. X

Rearranging for next Christmas instead sounds like a great solution.

PixieandMe · 27/10/2025 14:23

I would absolutely not exclude my DS1. I would start by speaking to my ex about it; see if he may be willing to have your son next year rather than this year.

'he's a sensitive child and recently didn't have a great parents evening review - they said he'd been having low mood at school and playing on his own in the playground and also recently had a panic attack.'

Assuming that your current partner is aware of this and at the same time pressuring you to leave your DS1 behind? What a horrible person he is.

Dawnb19 · 27/10/2025 18:22

It wouldn't be a family holiday without your son. I'm surprised your partner doesn't consider your son's feelings. Can you not all go a few days after Christmas and during the new year? Your son's only 7 so you've only got another few years of the proper Christmas experience with him. My nephew's stopped believing at 9ish.

I hate Christmas abroad anyway as it just doesn't feel like a normal Christmas in the heat.

Jeschara · 27/10/2025 18:25

Good solution OP hope you find out what is troubling your son. Listen out while you are not in the room.
It may not be your partner he is upset with,maybe he would like to spend more time with his Dad. I think you need to find out what is going on. I really feel for you it's not easy. I hope it's soon sorted.

Skybluepinky · 27/10/2025 18:48

Let hubby go on holiday you stay at home and follow him when your child is back with you.

Lovetoplan2 · 27/10/2025 19:25

Sounds as though it is important you include DS1. Can you negotiate with his Dad to have him another time?

Original poster
Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 19:36

@Dawnb19 I know each year is so precious!

Thankyou so much @Jeschara yes it's hard, especially when they don't like to talk about it.. but I'm doing all that I can to find out what's going on... He had this at the beginning of last year and then it changed after the first term...so it could possibly be a transitional thing which could settle.. I'm also speaking to a child psychologist at the moment and discussing possible therapy for him 🙏

Thankyou so much for your kind words, I'm very grateful you've taken the time to read and respond to my posts xx

OP posts:
notatinydancer · 27/10/2025 19:55

littleturtledove · 27/10/2025 13:21

?

Show quote history

Someone asked if the dates could be changed. They are going for a Christmas holiday so the dates can’t be changed.
I was asking if the PP thought they could change Christmas ? Not being serious.

Original poster
Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 19:58

I take it all back re my partner being ok with it now.. he just asked again if we can go and I told him again 'no I'm not leaving my son behind' and he said it was so 'stupid and controlling' and I should feel very guilty about taking that experience from DS2... and that he's going to take DS2 away on holiday and I can stay behind on my own...

OP posts:
lovemetomybones · 27/10/2025 20:49

The holiday is with your parents so how on earth is he going to negotiate that without trashing you! I’m sure that will go down well! He is being incredibly selfish replace ds2 with him in his explanation… you are such stupid and controlling me, you should feel very guilty about taking my holiday away from your partner, I’m going to go anyway screw you because I don’t give a crap about you or your child… that’s his real message

Original poster
Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 21:03

Thank you @lovemetomybones yes I think you're right.. I think he means he will take DS2 on a different holiday without me.

OP posts:
Plugsocketrocket · 27/10/2025 21:06

Gd he has really let himself down here. I think you might be looking at a mask slipping a bit. Keep a close eye out you might be finding out part of what is wrong with your older DS if some of those feelings are coming out with him at other times. Your DPs behaviour is very bad.

ItsNotMeEither · 27/10/2025 21:26

I can’t believe this is even a question with a 7 year old! Maybe if he was 17, but not 7. Let alone added to what you’ve said about him being sad and playing alone.

The holiday, especially with your parents need to be off the table unless you can all go.

Can you swap days with his dad? Otherwise you need to visit your parents only when you have both kids.

As for your H taking the other child away on his own, this is also selfish behaviour from an adult and if the 7 year old knows about it he will definitely end up feeling ‘less’ than his sibling.

This is a real line in the sand moment.

Gcsunnyside23 · 27/10/2025 22:48

lovemetomybones · 27/10/2025 20:49

The holiday is with your parents so how on earth is he going to negotiate that without trashing you! I’m sure that will go down well! He is being incredibly selfish replace ds2 with him in his explanation… you are such stupid and controlling me, you should feel very guilty about taking my holiday away from your partner, I’m going to go anyway screw you because I don’t give a crap about you or your child… that’s his real message

He's the one being controlling and throwing his dummy out of the pram. I'd be very concerned how hes responded. How can he be so dismissive of the feelings of a 7 year old who is already struggling so much. I would definitely try and get him some counselling for the panic attacks, there something much bigger going on. My teen has them and they are so scary for her and has taken a lot of discussion and reassurance to sort her feelings etc, can't imagine how a little kid deals with it. I feel for you too as it's hard to watch an worry about them. You're definitely doing the right thing not going and you won't enjoy it worrying about ds1

Pessismistic · 27/10/2025 22:48

Needingadvice05 · 27/10/2025 21:03

Thank you @lovemetomybones yes I think you're right.. I think he means he will take DS2 on a different holiday without me.

Edited

I think your dh is punishing you for not letting him have his own way. Your ds 2 won’t care about the holiday and if your dh was a decent man he wouldn’t be trying to push for it. Does he really want you to be alone at Xmas with neither of your children this is actually heartless and I would be looking at him and his behaviour a bit more closely.
Yes it might be nice to be somewhere warm but I think you need to remind your dh Christmas is about family and the kids more importantly. Imagine the rejection your older dc would feel he might want to spend more time with dad but to be out of the country without him is a no.

JayJayj · 27/10/2025 23:10

Your second son is 2. He wouldn’t miss anything! 🙄
I can’t believe he’s saying you are being controlling when he is the one that sounds controlling.

Firethehorse · 28/10/2025 02:14

So sorry you are in this situation OP. Find your voice though, how dare your husband suggest he can just whisk your 2 year old away for Christmas to deliberately leave you alone and that’s before we even consider DS1. I would speak to my parents to let them know all is not as perfect as it seems; you may need the support network quite soon. The worst thing is he obviously does not care about you or your son ‘a lot’ if this is his reaction. As others have suggested, I’ve got a feeling your eldest is not as comfortable and relaxed at home as you have been envisioning.
For me this would be a potential end of relationship.

CanYouHereMeRoar · 28/10/2025 02:24

This isn't about your second son, your partner just wants a cheap holiday in the sun.

BluntPlumHam · 28/10/2025 08:57

Firethehorse · 28/10/2025 02:14

So sorry you are in this situation OP. Find your voice though, how dare your husband suggest he can just whisk your 2 year old away for Christmas to deliberately leave you alone and that’s before we even consider DS1. I would speak to my parents to let them know all is not as perfect as it seems; you may need the support network quite soon. The worst thing is he obviously does not care about you or your son ‘a lot’ if this is his reaction. As others have suggested, I’ve got a feeling your eldest is not as comfortable and relaxed at home as you have been envisioning.
For me this would be a potential end of relationship.

I agree. I know it may be extreme but I’d ask partner to leave for a bit and see if there are any changes in DS1. If the changes are positive then you know. This isn’t even about the holiday anymore. This is about the well being of your DS1.

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