Am I dealing with fussy eating dc wrong

GarlicBreadStan · 26/10/2025 18:10

Giving my son whatever I/others eat has never worked.

I managed to get him to eat cooked food yesterday for the first time in months and even that was only garlic bread and chips. He's such a fussy eater, like me (I have sensory issues surrounding food, and he can tell when the flavour has changed or when the texture is different) and I just let him get on with it to be honest. I've found that I can sometimes gently encourage him to eat something new, but it never comes to fruition. If I force it, he has a meltdown. I'm 27 and I've just started trying new foods, so I'm hopeful that with time, my son will as well. For now, I just let it be.

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:14

How old?

I’d cook whatever I wanted, and serve them that alongside one or two things they’ll eat, always including one of their safe vegetables. Put it on their plate, not touching, and not mention it. I’d say that the new rule is that it will be put on their plate, they don’t have to eat it, and it won’t be commented on either way.

I was a very fussy eater as a child as my parents tried forcing me to eat things I didn’t want. This led to a situation when I was about 9/10 where I found mealtimes so stressful that I stopped eating all together and lost a lot of weight. Maybe this history means I’m too willing to be “soft” on restricted eating but I’d rather they ate something (especially if they’re happy to eat some fruit and veg) than I caused them a huge amount of stress over food.

PixieandMe · 26/10/2025 18:17

You’re doing the right thing. It’s what I did with my children and as young adults now they eat anything.

My MIL pandered to them as she did with her own children and guess what? They’re both grown adult fussy eaters.

GarlicBreadStan · 26/10/2025 18:18

PixieandMe · 26/10/2025 18:17

You’re doing the right thing. It’s what I did with my children and as young adults now they eat anything.

My MIL pandered to them as she did with her own children and guess what? They’re both grown adult fussy eaters.

The way OP is doing it is how my dad did it with me, and now I'm even fussier than I was as a kid. It's totally child dependent

Moonnstars · 26/10/2025 18:19

Following with interest..I have similar struggles with one of my children.
I don't know at what point you speak to a GP, and even if they would be able to do anything!
You have my sympathy as it's so stressful.

Original poster

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:20

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:14

How old?

I’d cook whatever I wanted, and serve them that alongside one or two things they’ll eat, always including one of their safe vegetables. Put it on their plate, not touching, and not mention it. I’d say that the new rule is that it will be put on their plate, they don’t have to eat it, and it won’t be commented on either way.

I was a very fussy eater as a child as my parents tried forcing me to eat things I didn’t want. This led to a situation when I was about 9/10 where I found mealtimes so stressful that I stopped eating all together and lost a lot of weight. Maybe this history means I’m too willing to be “soft” on restricted eating but I’d rather they ate something (especially if they’re happy to eat some fruit and veg) than I caused them a huge amount of stress over food.

Sorry should have mentioned: 7

OP posts:

GarlicBreadStan · 26/10/2025 18:20

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:14

How old?

I’d cook whatever I wanted, and serve them that alongside one or two things they’ll eat, always including one of their safe vegetables. Put it on their plate, not touching, and not mention it. I’d say that the new rule is that it will be put on their plate, they don’t have to eat it, and it won’t be commented on either way.

I was a very fussy eater as a child as my parents tried forcing me to eat things I didn’t want. This led to a situation when I was about 9/10 where I found mealtimes so stressful that I stopped eating all together and lost a lot of weight. Maybe this history means I’m too willing to be “soft” on restricted eating but I’d rather they ate something (especially if they’re happy to eat some fruit and veg) than I caused them a huge amount of stress over food.

100% agree with this comment. I think how you've written what you'd do, is exactly what I intend to do with my son once I get the courage up to do so (he's very prone to meltdowns when it comes to food)

GoldenRosebee · 26/10/2025 18:20

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:06

I am at point where I don’t know what to do with dc.they are incredibly fussy.
this is the only foods they eat
chips- have to be straight cut, can’t have skin on
nuggets- has to be birds eye and battered
fishfingers- has to be Birds Eye
pasta- has to be penne
meatballs- can’t be any other type of meat and pasta, sauce and meatball have to separated
sausages occasionally
broccoli
peas
blueberries can’t be mixed with anyhing
bread and butter can’t be toasted
cheerios
walkers crisps- has to be ready salted

at their dads they will basically be giving exactly what they want and are giving their own dinner per request.
I cook the family a meal which has atleast one thing I know they will eat but sometimes it is mixed in.it can take up to an hour for them to eat and mostly it’s just picking. I really don’t want to just give them the same foods as their siblings eat a great varried diet so don’t want to limit them and also worry that dc will not have enough nutrition. If I give in will they just never eat a normal diet. I feel like I’m at my wits end and getting stressed every mealtime. Has any parents dealt with this level and aibu to just keep giving them what we eat in hopes they will just start eating more.

It takes around 15 to 20 times child is exposed to new food before they will start eating it.
I think learning plate where you put food they don't want to eat and then putting it next to plate of food they will eat it is best way forward. Don't give in. If they watch tv or screen while eating it will take longer before they are willing to eat new food. Turn it off.
Make sure you don't force them eating new food, because stressed children aren't hungry while stressed. You should encourage eating new food on learning plate after they had dinner (new food should be already present and they should see you eating that same food from your own plate)
don't let them fill on juices and tea, don't let them graze and wait 2.5 hours before offering food. Keep them well rested and they shouldn't be way too hungry because they can be more picky then.
you should encourage playing with food, they should smell it and taste it so they know what it is.

Thistooshallpsss · 26/10/2025 18:23

Cook his safe foods take the pressure completely off offer him a tiny try of anything he might fancy but you really can’t force children to eat. I got to this point after some horrible experiences with one of mine. Nothing changed for a long time but as an adult they eat healthy albeit they are not foodies and still like quite simple food.

lljkk · 26/10/2025 18:24

Do they have milk? Or must the cereal be dry?

Do they eat any biscuits, sweets, ice cream, ice lollies or other drinks?

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 26/10/2025 18:27

My middle child is very fussy and only eats certain food. I give him what he wants. It becomes upsetting for everyone involved otherwise. I am finding as he gets older he has started to make more choices and there is some trying of other foods. My GP told me as long as they are eating they will be fine. He’s 13 btw. Christmas dinner has become a family joke as we all tuck into a feast and he has a plate of Yorkshire puddings 🤦🏻‍♀️ but he’s happy and so are we.

GarlicBreadStan · 26/10/2025 18:28

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 26/10/2025 18:27

My middle child is very fussy and only eats certain food. I give him what he wants. It becomes upsetting for everyone involved otherwise. I am finding as he gets older he has started to make more choices and there is some trying of other foods. My GP told me as long as they are eating they will be fine. He’s 13 btw. Christmas dinner has become a family joke as we all tuck into a feast and he has a plate of Yorkshire puddings 🤦🏻‍♀️ but he’s happy and so are we.

To be fair, I'd love a plate of Yorkshire puddings 🤭

Original poster

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:28

lljkk · 26/10/2025 18:24

Do they have milk? Or must the cereal be dry?

Do they eat any biscuits, sweets, ice cream, ice lollies or other drinks?

They are dairy free due to allergy

doesn’t like biscuits. Will have sweets but very rare as we limit it. Doesn’t like fruit juices but does have squash on occasion

OP posts:

Original poster

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:31

I just feel so guilty giving my child plate of plain pasta and a small bowl of peas. Also likely they would eat both as wouldn’t want them to be mixed so would just have one per mealtime.

OP posts:

youalright · 26/10/2025 18:33

Put safe food on his plate and what your eating on there aswell but get one of them plates that has seperate compartments so its not touching. When my kids went through there fussy phases this always worked someday better then others now they all eat a varied diet no issues. Problems arise when parents stop offering different types of food and just think oh he won't eat that so don't even try

Londonmummy66 · 26/10/2025 18:35

Do you cook with them as an activity - may help as children are often more likely to eat something they have made. Even something simple like making your own oven chips and then a week later making a mix of potato and sweet potato or buttnernut chips (cooked separately so they might try one of the alternative variety). Maybe try making gnocchi - its fun - so they can see the ingredients.

Fearfulsaints · 26/10/2025 18:37

My youngest was a very fussy eater. We took the pressure of meals by giving him what he would eat and making sure he could access, pick what he wanted from what we were eating too.

Anyway he is mid teens now and eats pretty much anything and everything and is adventurous trying new things.

I have no idea if this would have happened anyway, even if id made a big fuss about his diet and tried to force a wider variety of food.

But im happy with our end result.

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:37

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:31

I just feel so guilty giving my child plate of plain pasta and a small bowl of peas. Also likely they would eat both as wouldn’t want them to be mixed so would just have one per mealtime.

But would they eat both if served separately? Peas on one bit of the plate, pasta on the other side, a small amount of sauce/some meat on the edge that they don’t have to touch?

You don’t have to feel guilty for providing your child with food they will eat, that includes some veg, with the option for them to have a bit more variety if they feel able to. You can provide a balanced diet, laid out in a way that makes them able to eat as much as possible. But you can’t make them eat.
The alternative is feeding them a mixed meal they won’t eat. Or forcing them to eat.

Original poster

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:39

Londonmummy66 · 26/10/2025 18:35

Do you cook with them as an activity - may help as children are often more likely to eat something they have made. Even something simple like making your own oven chips and then a week later making a mix of potato and sweet potato or buttnernut chips (cooked separately so they might try one of the alternative variety). Maybe try making gnocchi - its fun - so they can see the ingredients.

Have tried this. Doesn’t work.

OP posts:

babasaclover · 26/10/2025 18:41

Sounds like ARFID, have you heard of it? I only got diagnosed last year in my 40’s!!!

MannersAreAll · 26/10/2025 18:42

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:31

I just feel so guilty giving my child plate of plain pasta and a small bowl of peas. Also likely they would eat both as wouldn’t want them to be mixed so would just have one per mealtime.

What about serving themselves?

Here the main thing goes on plates and everything else is in bowls for self serving.

Sometimes means the fussiest one will eat the main thing and then three helpings of peas, but sometimes they'll try something new if they can put one thing on their plate rather than a portion.

Also has helped them guide for themselves that sometimes they'll fancy a good number of chips, a few carrots and a load of peas and other times one or two chips but lots of veg.

Original poster

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:42

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:37

But would they eat both if served separately? Peas on one bit of the plate, pasta on the other side, a small amount of sauce/some meat on the edge that they don’t have to touch?

You don’t have to feel guilty for providing your child with food they will eat, that includes some veg, with the option for them to have a bit more variety if they feel able to. You can provide a balanced diet, laid out in a way that makes them able to eat as much as possible. But you can’t make them eat.
The alternative is feeding them a mixed meal they won’t eat. Or forcing them to eat.

Show quote history

Not in the same meal unless it’s the the meatball meal. They will say peas and pasta for example shouldn’t go together

OP posts:

cheeseismydownfall · 26/10/2025 18:44

Honestly OP, I had three fussy eaters, one of who had a list of acceptable foods very much like your DC as a toddler / preschooler. It was unfathomable to me because we are a foodie household and as babies they all ate anything, but at around a year old they all became plain pasta and cucumber BUT NOT TOUCHING type kids and there was nothing we could do to change it. It seemed like forever at the time but they did gradually all grow out of it.

Now they are all teens and a mealtime battle is an argument over whether we should cook curry or korean 😀

Iamafaithfull · 26/10/2025 18:45

I have a fussy eater too , although he is a lot older . I suppose it is difficult to unpick as not sure about the difference in what both you and your ex are feeding your child . It is difficult to know with our kids if they have become fussy or if it perhaps linked to other things .
One thing that you should look into ( and hopefully be able to rule out ) is ARFID ( Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder ) . It can be linked to autism .
As others have said you have to try and work around it and try and balance giving your child some of the things you know he will eat and get him to try new things as well .

i think with anything with fussiness over food you have as others said try to take the drama out of it , as it only makes things worse . I do get how deeply frustrating it is . I find I get criticised for rotations the same meals but when I try new meals DC refuses to even try it !
I have often said -if I win the lottery the first thing I would get is a personal chef ….
It is frustrating when you know they like the individual ingredients but when they are put together in a meal they are rejected .
Are you able to check with your GP / health visitor ( sorry can’t remember what age they still deal with children to …) if your DC is underweight . If they are they may be able to refer them to a dietician or suggest supplements . My DC for a while had to drink yoghurt drinks several times a day .
I would always try and keep some of the things that you know they will eat on standby in the freezer - for my DC it is a good quality pizza and chicken nuggets . I will be very happy the day I never have to cook another chicken nugget. That way if they do reject the food you have made , you have a standby .
If they do eat some fruit and veg , again just have them available and hopefully they will be getting some variety in their diet that way . It might also be helpful to get a good quality age appropriate vitamin supplement if you think they aren’t getting a varied enough diet . Good luck x

ShesTheAlbatross · 26/10/2025 18:48

narnia2025 · 26/10/2025 18:42

Not in the same meal unless it’s the the meatball meal. They will say peas and pasta for example shouldn’t go together

Show quote history

Oh I see. Have you considered ARFID?

Would he eat them both if you did different courses? Eg a “starter” of veg, then a “main course” of pasta served with a little bit of something new?

What does he eat at school?