Skirts to school

[G1ngerbread]

I’ll start with saying I don’t think anybody should be wearing skirts to school, but it is what it is.
However, my Brother and Sil have a 5 year old boy who has expressed that he wants to wear a skirt to school. This has been discussed with me, but they have not specifically asked for my opinion so I should probably keep it to myself I suppose.
Sil has discussed with school and they have not objected. I don’t think they have particularly encouraged it, but have been careful to not encourage gender stereotypes. This has now resulted in a child who does not understand societal norms.
What would you do? Would you say something? I’m so worried about bullying, but also where this could lead.

If they’re the sort of parents who don’t care whether they set their child up for bullying, mockery and social suicide in order to prove a point about ‘gender stereotypes’, tell them to crack on.

I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut this will haunt him for the rest of his life.

Parents are very much of the opinion that bullies will bully regardless, but also that we shouldn’t change who we are to pacify them or fit in. I genuinely think they are trying to instill resilience and confidence.

I’m not sure if it’s actually that big a deal. There was a kid in my daughter’s year in primary school who would wear dresses to the school discos and on non-uniform days. It carried on for years until he grew out of it. As far as I know, he wasn’t ever bullied. It was just what he chose to wear.

@Icepop79 There is a chance other kids won’t bat an eyelid. Especially at this age. But I do think it could end up being part of a bigger problem.

Personally no I wouldn't but thats my choice as a parent. If they want to let him its up to them.

God. I am of the opinion that there are two types of parents - the type who try and prevent their kid being bullied by letting have a noke bag or whatever and the type who do this kind of nonsense in the op and then screech about their child being bullied when it happens.

Exactly. I know kids can get bullied for absolutely no reason, but i definitely wouldn’t give mine a reason to stand out.

I guess the question is, do I say something and risk damaging our relationship? Also knowing what er I say will not change the decision.

I’m generally of the view people should wear what they like and if a little boy wants to play dress up in princess dresses at home, so be it. I would wonder who put the idea in his head that a skirt for school is an option though. Most kids like to conform with their peers and wearing a skirt to school will make him stick out like a sore thumb. As a parent I would shut that straight down and tell him the uniform for boys is shorts/trousers so that’s what he needs to wear for school.

Boys in our school have started in dresses and skirts and a couple who didn't during school have on non-uniform days, none bullied and definitely no 'social suicide'. My DS wasn't interested and I wouldn't encourage any kids to wear skirts as they get in the way when kids are playing, but I wouldn't have stopped him if he did.

Your brother and SIL may live in a nice area where parents bring their kids up not to judge others for something as silly as the clothes they wear.

I think the idea has started at home, in the sense the child has always been allowed to chose and wear whatever. Then obviously they see girls in skirts at school so have asked. Instead of shutting it down sil has spoken to school to check it’s ok (obviously they can’t say no) and told nephew this.

Does the child know and understand that he is a boy, because he's got a penis, and thats different to girls?

Someone should explain to him that its fine for him to wear what he likes, but that all the other boys will wear trousers, and that they might be confused because usually girls wear skirts and in a school it makes it easier to see at a glance that you are going in the right toilets by what you're wearing.

But unfortunately the world is not nice and it is very unusual for boys to wear skirts. If I went to work on Monday and all the men were wearing dresses it would make me feel odd. I understand that is a me problem, but it’s just the way society is and has been forever.

He knows he is a boy and that boys usually wear trousers to school, but that it’s not fair. They live in a fairly quiet place if that makes any difference. I feel like in a big city people blend in more.

Not everywhere in society is my point, don't assume everyone would react like you... Or give their children your values

Oh and there's a girl at my sons swimming club who at about age 6, had her hair cut into a very stereotype boy style exactly like her older brother, and started wearing boy style school shoes & trousers. She doesn't get bullied for this but 90% of kids assume she is a boy & refer to her as he. When this happens all it does is reinforce stereotypes and transition a child somewhat which probably isn't what the child intends, they just like skirts. But it can be hard for a child to revert from.

But most would. That exactly why societal norms exist, because the majority conform to them. Therefore, some bullying at some point feels inevitable because children will pick up on things that stand out.

He knows he is a boy and that boys usually wear trousers to school, but that it’s not fair.

Why does he think its not fair?

I often find with my kids that objections to certain types of clothing is usually based on something they don't like comfort wise, and that changing the style or fit resolves it. He might need looser trousers for example.

I'd be a bit cross if it's a 5 year old faffing over what they look like. Young children shouldn't be bothered about looking "pretty" or fashionable etc.

He just likes skirts, I don’t think there’s more to it. Not that I know of.

How are so many posters convinced these random kids aren't being bullied most bullying goes unnoticed. Its also not about when they're all still young and sweet this is the sort of crap that will be brought up for years even after these little boys have decided they don't want to wear skirts anymore. Just imagine being 15 at secondary school and someone you went to primary with starts telling everyone you use to go to school in a skirt. Also our local newspaper facebook page often puts school photos up from 20/30 years ago could you imagine having to keep reliving it because your mum and dad wanted to act all open minded and look at me and how open I am.

Sounds like the opportunity to break out a kilt, the unisex skirt.

Dressing up at home in whatever is one thing but wearing a skirt to school, as a male in this culture is just setting them up for potential ridicule/not understanding clothing rules etc. If the child really insists on a skirt, could the parents not find a Kilt for him (I know it's not a skirt....but you get the idea) in suitable colours.

He is 5. He may. Or may not grown out of it.
I know a boy who is now 10. Who went through a girl phase. Not wanting to be a girl. But wearing girl stuff.

he is an ordinary boy age 10 now.

still as lovely as he was before.

it was just a phase. His parents went with it. And now it is a phase he has grown out of.

It's not your job so probably wouldn't say anything. But I don't think it's a good idea and may lead to the little boy becoming confused. The child I knew who did this, started school happy being a boy who liked skirts, by the end of the year he thought he was a girl, another year and he was on the waiting list for the tavistock clinic. It wasn't bullying as such, people just assumed he was a girl and I think the pressure of people constantly saying that he started to believe it too.