That the phrases "The Mrs", "The Wife", etc set my teeth on edge!

[Mrsnothingthanks]

So sexist IMO.
To clarify, I have no issue with "My wife," but "The" anything I do.
My dad was out shopping once with my mum when he bumped into someone he knew loosely. The man said (in front of my mum, one of the strongest and most independent women I know): "Oh, is this Her Indoors?" Say whaaaaaaaaaat?!!! You can imagine her reaction!!! 😆

My father referred to my mum as ‘the wife’ and me as ‘the daughter’, even to people who knew us by name. He is abusive, misogynistic and emotionally repressed.

I’m not married but my partner always says ‘my partner’ or uses my name if the person knows my name. It’s such a basic thing to do.

Ok but have you considered how annoying it is that people refer to their boyfriend/girlfriend as ‘partner’ like I’m expecting a same-sex relationship here, and no, it’s just your boyfriend. Get real.

I don’t know. I can’t see how they are sexist but I guess as a relatively new wife (4 years) I still find them endearing. Not that my husband has ever used them. But I do see that there is no male equivalent and that does raise questions 🤔

Is that a response to me? I have been in a relationship with ‘my partner’ for almost 30 years, have children together, shared finances etc. No issue if someone calls him my boyfriend if they want to, I wouldn’t even care if he used ‘girlfriend’, but the important part, that you seem to have missed, is the using of the word ‘my’ not ‘the’. Partner can mean ‘an established unmarried couple’ though so it’s you that needs to get with it and get real.

Also, only using partner for same sex relationships is quite outdated. Lots of straight couples use it in long term relationships when they aren’t married. My female friend refers to her partner as ‘my girlfriend’ after 20 years together as she doesn’t like ‘partner’. It’s an individuals choice whether it’s partner or boyfriend or girlfriend etc, but I think using ‘my’ not ‘the’ matters to lots of people. If your partner, wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend etc doesn’t like ‘the’, you should listen and not do it.

I agree. Though "Her indoors" would make me grin.

Mine calls me her indoors😂 also chain and ball, and yes in that order because he knows it pisses me off because obviously it's ball and chain,😠😂

And yet, he’s still your boyfriend.

I’ve said I’m ok with others using boyfriend/girlfriend to describe us if they want to. I wouldn't, and couldn’t, insist on anyone using partner to describe us in a couple sense. We choose to use partner for each other, but it’s the ‘my’ that is important, I’d hate if my partner used ‘the’. Thankfully he’s not a misogynist so he wouldn’t.

You seem to have problems with comprehension. I’m sorry that you do. As I said, partner can mean someone in an established unmarried couple, look it up. I hope you can work on your comprehension skills. 🙏

It's the 'the' that annoys me. My wife sounds personal but 'the' makes it sound like an inanimate object...the chair, the floor, the toaster.

And don't even get me started on people who refer to inanimate objects as 'she'.

I don't care about this at all.
My husband calls me "the missus" with his workmates (he's in a trade). He also bigs me up to them, introduces them to me whenever he gets an opportunity, talks infront of them about how proud he is of my career and the senior role I'm in, and has made it clear to them that I paid for him to retrain into his current line of work.
He's not using it in a misogynistic way and it's clear he has respect for me.

The other half, the old man, the husband, the fella. Women have got shit loads of names for their partner

I like to refer to DH as "my first husband" or "my current husband".

Our Lass is the worst one for me. The men dh works with use this. Makes me shudder

There was a TikTok trend doing that. 😂

I think it’s fine - my partner (or boyfriend as a poster insisted) says it in the context of ‘I’ll just check with the missus’ - sounds a lot more established relationship than oh I’ll check with my girlfriend.

I’ve literally never heard anyone refer to their husband as ‘the man’ or himself? This is very much a female issue and trying to say ‘well what about the men will SOMEONE think of them’ doesn’t work here.

TBF, just because you've not heard this doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
I always refer to DH as "the husband" or "the fella" when I'm talking about him at work. Not to friends because they know his name, but I will jokingly refer to him as "the old ball and chain" too.

I have heard of husbands being referred to as 'himself' more than once. Just because you haven't heard it doesn't mean it doesn't happen you know.

Honestly, who really can be bothered caring about this sort of trivia? Just get on with your own lives, it's ridiculous to get so bothered by what other people do.

This thread has reminded me of something my father used to say.

Dad, who was a misogynistic prick (he was in the Met in the 70s), used to refer to women as 'Doris' when speaking about them.

It's a strange one, but he lumped all women under the homogeneous barrier of 'Doris', as though none were worthy of having their own name, identity etc.

It depends on context and the tone it is used in. DH and I refer to each other like
this all the time. In our case it’s a sign of affection in a loving relationship.
If anyone else has a problem with it I’d tell them to fuck off and who do they think they are to police my language.

Er indoors is from Minder and I think it is probably used by people of a certain age. She was never seen and he was scared of her. It certainly wasn't misogynistic.

"My/Your/The bird"

🤮🥶🤬

Ah but you see I feel really silly calling my partner my boyfriend as we are in our 40s/50s and have been together for 30 years. It just feels childish to me.

It's really not a female issue unless you choose to make it one, or unless you want to say that women are thin-skinned and are damaged by lazy language.

I don't give a sh-t about the menz (I'm sure they can cope as can most women) but i do give a sh-t about echo chambers, especially ones that would like to curtail people's speech and partner's personal choices..

I'm offering a counterpoint that shows it's more of a personal thing than a sex related thing.

The fact that you've literally never heard of something just means that your experiences are limited. We move in different circles obviously. However your reaction seems to be one of "if I've not heard it then it doesnt happen and you must be trolling on behalf of men" and I find that rather concerning.

Way back with, I think, Rumpole of the Bailey the reference was always to:

She who must be obeyed

Very much the same sentiment I think