Help from DH sometimes to get kids to weekend activities

[moana35]

How much help do you expect from your other half to get children to activities? My DH will sometimes agree to help and then let me down at the next minute.

We have 2 children at 2 activities tomorrow - one does drama and is at a rehearsal tomorrow another is at a football match in another town. The football match is another town 15 miles away so I really need to take my son there - he promised my DD he would take her to her rehearsal but something has come up that is more appealing for him and unfortunately I can't be in 2 places at the same time. I could ask someone else to take my son but I have to keep relying on people as he often lets me down last minute. DD can get a bus but as a sunday will take her 90 minutes on 2 buses. When they have double activities I work it all out way in advance and I had it all planned. He would take my son and I would take DD- he agreed to this but reluctantly and is now going to play golf so can't do it.

He has therapy a few years back and was told to stop being a 'yes' person when people ask him him to do things and only do things he wants to do.

He hates the pressure he is under at weekends to get the kids to places. I do everything and only ever ask if I need to get kids to two different things at the same time.

AIBU to expect a bit of help?

Dh does one child’s acrivity and I do the other.

Choice time. Family life or men's games?
Whichever he chooses affects what you decide to do about it.
Personally I'd go with telling him he's a selfish cunt and to fuck off. I may be in a bad mood but there's so many men who put themselves before their kids it's very wearing.

Today I took one DC to an all day thing in another city. DH wanted to play sport but because he is a grown adult with children he didn't play sport and took another DC to their competition instead.

It isn't "helping out" it is parenting.

Sometimes he plays sport and I ferry dc. Sometimes he ferries DC because I'm doing something for me. Sometimes we have to divide and conquer and we both have to ferry dc.

We have 3. Myself and dh have always divided up weekend activities between us.

Often we go together if only one has a match or something and get lunch after

Its not about helping, its about being a team

Tbf iv never actually asked him. Iv always just said or you need to do x at weekend and im doing y. I just assumed thats paart of us both being parents

Really difficult to vote, as I never expected dh "to help", I expected dh to be an equal parent.

We used to sit down on a Sunday, look at who needed to be where, when, and who was doing what.

It wouldn't occur to him to then flake out of that arrangement, as he is a parent too.

Love his lame ass excuse of not being a yes person

But he can be a shit parent

It massively pisses me off when women insist on calling any input from their selfish,idle partner in the care of their joint children ‘helping’

FGS woman! It is 50% his responsibility.

Why are you using the phrase ‘help’?! He’s an equal parent. FFS. I honestly despair on here sometimes.

My DH does not help with our children. He parents.

He does more than half of running around at the weekend because he actually wants to spend time with the kids!

He sounds like a shit husband and parent and your expectations are on the floor

This is rubbish OP. I would be really annoyed with him.

He needs to grow up and learn to want to take his own children to their clubs, because he wants them to have a good childhood. Spoiled brat behaviour is ugly in a grown man. Don't classify this as 'helping' you. It's not your job. It's not a favour to you. It's family life.

Sit him down and explain that he can't get through life only doing what he wants to do when children are involved, and that he has interpreted the therapists comments in a very narrow way. Get him to reframe his behaviour. Does he actively 'want' to run you ragged and make you stressed and treat you like the family dogsbody?' How does he want you to feel about him and your relationship and his ability as a father? Does he want to disappoint you and fall short? What sort of childhood does he want his children to have? One in which they learn he is selfish and unreliable? One in which their interests get scrapped because he can't be bothered to do his share of parenting.

It’s not ‘helping’, it’s parenting his own children. I couldn’t live with a man like that.

I think it says a lot you are describing it as ‘helping’ rather than parenting. Me and DH work it out between us and work round any activity we may have planned individually.

You lost me at “help”.

What’s the fucking point of him?

He is just as equally a parent, which includes school runs, clubs, appointments, you name it. That is called parenting ffs. He is not “helping” in doing them, he is otherwise shirking his responsibilities as a grown ass adult and parent if he is not also prepared to. He sounds like a catch, I couldn’t be doing with someone like that.

You are jointly responsible for getting the children to their activities. It is outrageous that he just ducks out to do stuff on his own and you're just left as the default parent.

No i don't get "help". He parents.

Why on earth does he get to opt out at weekends? Maybe next weekend, get up before him and leave him for the entire weekend to parent or potentially forever with the kids because he sounds like a waste of your life.

Stop asking him to help you, & start telling him to do his 50% of the parenting.

Put his golf clubs in your car, tell him you are taking DS to football, he needs to take DD to wherever she needs to be. And bugger off.

Love this.

Has he always been a shit dad OP?

Divorce him and he can do all of it every other weekend.

With all respect to you op this is not a marriage. You are equal parents and therefore must parent equally. Is this a usual occurrence? How do you usually respond when he pulls a stunt like this? Nobody should be doing all the child responsibilities while the other does as they choose. You split it or take turns (eg next week he has to work all this out/put kids in taxis/beg lifts for the kids while you disappear for the whole weekend) - of course if you take turns then you agree this beforehand. You don’t just bail

So if anyone else has an equally shit husband, does that make it ok?

I can’t vote because I don’t how you get ti this point without divorcing.

why do you both think he should ‘help’ rather than be an equal parent? It’s as much his job as it is yours to decide what activities are best for your dc, research said activities book these activities, organise the logistics of said activities, organise the clothing/equipment required for the activity/ get them to the activity. Let me guess, you do it all. Why?

He had therapy and now he's not a yes person

🤣