Husband not taking medical event (seizure/tia)?? seriously. What do i do?

[Fivegreenfrogs]

I'm so scared and I'm at a loss as to what to do.
He's massively down played this. Partially as he has no memory of what happened (he says oh I just fainted) and partially because that's his hyper independent personality.
I did call an ambulance and made sure he got in it. At the time that wasn't hard as he was not completely aware of what was happening.. asked me in the ambulance where we were etc.
But once at A&E he kept trying to leave in between sleeping on my lap. Any time he'd wake he'd ask why we were there, say he was fine and it was a waste of time.
I had to take his phone and car keys off him so he wouldn't drive straight home when they let us go. They told him not to drive for at least 24 hours but he was trying to drive home. I managed to prevent this for ten hours.. which tbf he did mostly sleep through only waking once and trying to leave, but easily being persuaded back to bed. Eventually he did get the keys off me and drive home which I guess we had to as we were at a friend's house in the middle of nowhere (i can't drive) and she couldn't have us staying any longer. We also needed to pick our kids up from my mum's who had already had them far longer than she had agreed to. (She's disabled so it just wouldn't have been ok to leave them there longer) I do regret giving him back his keys though. I was terrified the whole way home although he drove perfectly fine.
He then slept 12 hours over night and has been unusually tired since although won't admit this.
The bad thing is that this happened out of area so even though I got him to ring the GP the next morning they had no record of any of it. It's now been several days and they still don't have the discharge notes.
My DH is also still saying he just fainted so I'm worried they won't take it seriously.
He did not just faint.
We were at my friends house. Staying overnight as another friend was briefly visiting from the country where he lives. So we just had takeaway and were catching up and watching a documentary. We did have some drinks but no one was drunk. I had two beers for example.
I went up to bed about midnight. So did my friend who's house it was. My husband stayed downstairs with male friend watching another documentary.
Next thing I know the friend is shaking me awake, tearful, saying my husband has collapsed.
I run downstairs and my husband is laid on the floor. His eyes are wide open and his face is contorted into this kind of snarl, with one side of his mouth up.
I rush to him and obviously try speaking to him but he doesn't respond at all. His eyes don't even move when I wave my hand in front of him.
My friend says that they were just talking normally then my husband had stood up saying he was going to turn in. He had then walked towards the door but stumbled and waved his arms about. He then knelt down and leaned against the table. My friend went over and asked if he were OK. Apparently my husband did reply but was making no sense and not saying real words. He then suddenly flopped backwards into the position he was in when I came in and had been like that, eyes open but unresponsive, for 5 mins. He got my other friend up and then me up. My husband was breathing but quite heavily. My friend said he had previously made some strange sounds.
I said we need to ring an ambulance. Which I did and whilst on the phone to them my husband suddenly sat up. The woman on the phone asked to speak to him and I handed him the phone which he took.. but when he spoke it was just nonsense so I got the phone back.
The ambulance arrived and they did various tests on him including an ecg. At this point he was saying normal words but didn't seem to understand what was going on at all. He just did what they said. But when they advised he come to hospital he was suprised to see the ambulance abd asked who it was for. When we were sat in the ambulance he asked where we were. He then asked how we had got to my friends house.

After we had been sat in A&E a while he did remember how and why we were at my friends house but had no memory of what happened apart from feeling tired. So he said he must have fainted.
I do not think this was fainting.
He had another ecg at the hospital as well as some bloods and a CT scan. None of this showed anything untoward.
The doctor we saw said she would have referred him to neurology but he wasn't in area so he would have to follow up with his GP ASAP.
It's been a few days now and the notes haven't gone across yet. He told the GP he felt fine when he rang which is a lie. He also framed it as fainting.
It was really traumatic and I'm just at a loss as to how to make him take it seriously and actually get checked out.
He had this week booked off work anyway luckily. But he drives for work! Which i am very frightened about. What if it happens again??
Any advice from anyone about what could have happened here and what I should be expecting from the GP would be great.
And any advice on how to get through to my husband would also be great.

As his next of kin could you speak to the GP yourself? Explain as you have here exactly what happened?

That sounds terrifying for you no wonder you are frightened!

Can you explain to him that his driving insurance is most likely invalid due to the seizure and he needs to declare it and maybe get a fit to work from GP/consultant on his medical notes? I don't know how this works so maybe someone else has more knowledge.

Chase up GP and get referral anyway, surely they don't need notes from hospital, if it happened in your area with no hospital visit you would be referred anyway.

Can you frame it to him as to get it checked now will save him hassle in future kind of way? For example when my brother had a gross infected fly bit and refused to go to GP, I said go now and have 5 min visit and get antibiotics or end up in hospital on a drip for a couple of weeks.

Phone the GP practice and speak to them yourself if he won’t.

Tell him if he won’t see the GP, you’ll contact his employer as he’s risks other peoples lives, not just his own if this happens when he’s driving.

Get him to make a will.

What tests did he have at the hospital? Is he booked in for further tests over the coming days? This sounds very serious and must have been terrifying. Definitely ring the GP this morning and ask to speak to someone urgently today. Did the hospital not give you any information of next steps when they discharged you?

Tell him bluntly to stop being so stupid and selfish. I couldn't bear having to mother a grown man like this. However, given the risk he poses while driving I would call his employer, doctor and the DVLA.

A family member had a TIA, she was in hospital for a week following, was put on statins, aspirin and had make quite a few lifestyle changes to bring her BP down. She didn't lose her licence or anything, but obviously she was treated to reduce the risk of a catastrophic stroke occuring. She took it seriously and is fine many years later.

Follow up yourself with the GP; go with your DH and explain what you saw.

Does he suffer from hypertension at all? You mentioning his facial expression does sound like it was more than a faint.

That must have been so scary for you.

I agree - speak to his go and give your version of events and state the reasons why you are worried. If I were you I would also put this in writing so there is a record - ideally email so it is time stamped.

the gp will not be able to give you any information, without your husband’s consent,due to data protection however you can give the gp information.

without wanting to worry you further, I would also ask the gp to refer for a brain mri. A family member had a stroke which was only picked up on mri - ct scan clear. The initial effects from the stroke were brief and originally put down to a migraine event. Stroke caused by a clot originating in a PFO which they didn’t know they had (not uncommon). Complete recovery made and PFO has been closed.

i hope everything goes well - hopefully it’s nothing serious but it needs investigating further.

I’d also follow up. Here’s who I’d contact.

Book him an appointment at his GP and go with him.

Ring the PALS at the hospital where it happened and don’t be afraid to get seriously emotional. Ask them to email him the text of the discharge letter. I don’t know if they will agree but sometimes if you have a plan something will happen. And is he in the NHS app? could it be sent to that?

Im also extremely concerned about his driving. If he hasn’t been given medical advice or a diagnosis he may be ok legally but it’s not a given and if the discharge letter turns up with a diagnosis that requires him to stop driving for a month or even indefinitely, the insurance company could argue the toss if he does have a bump.

Take out your frustration on the people who can get you information. At the moment it sounds as if your h is hiding his head in the sand, while you are dealing with the trauma of what you saw. Maybe see your own GP for you?

Really helpful 🙄

It does sound like a seizure, particularly the snoring and the mouth raised on one side. You are ‘allowed’ one seizure that after investigation can be nothing. I agree with previous posters, you may need to speak to the GP yourself- possibly chase for discharge notes from the hospital too? It sounds like there may be some ongoing behavioural changes, is it in character for him to disregard what you say? To drive when you’re telling him he shouldn’t and are obviously scared? If it’s not, I would also tell the GP this as it may well be relevant.

It really is important that your husband sees a neurologist and is thoroughly investigated as soon as possible. He should not drive until he has been cleared to do so by the specialist. I am a medical secretary and have worked for neurologists for the last 35 years. Can you get your friend to send you an email account of exactly what they witnessed and write down your own account of how your husband was when you got to him, as these will be very helpful to convince him and will be really useful to the GP and investigating specialist. The neurologist would do (ideally) initially an MRI scan of the brain and an MR angiogram of the head and neck and, depending what these did or did not show, further investigations, i.e bloods, perhaps EEG and get a cardiac opinion. Does he have private medical insurance through his work, perhaps, as that would speed this process up (a surprising amount of people do but are hesitant to use it for the first time, I have found). You should go with him to the GP, whatever he says, as you were a partial eye witness.

Having read the other replies after writing this, I endorse your telling your husband you will tell his employers if he refuses to stop driving. You and the children should not be driven by him either. He must be very scared but the best thing for him as well as his family is if he gets this sorted out and treated if needed, so it does not happen again - it could be worse next time and affect others if he is driving. I remember a 32-year-old patient, seemingly fit and well, who had a stroke, so it isn't always older people.

He def needs to follow this up. I had seizures out of the blue in my 50s and it was epilepsy. I am in meds and surrendered my licence (although didn’t drive for a long time before I surrendered!).

I hope he gets the tests and treatment he needs. My scans/eeg were normal too but symptoms classic temporal
lobe epilepsy.

Hi OP,
I'm sorry you are going through such a frightening time.

A number of months ago I was visiting my mum and dad when my dad had what I believe was a TIA.

He had also got up to go to bed, he looked a bit wobbly and was very vacant but didn't fall as me and my mum helped him sit back down. He couldn't answer any questions from me and my mum.

The ambulance arrived quickly and he couldn't answer questions like why they were there, who they were or where they had come from "police or something like that" he didn't know his address but did know his date of birth - which he said a second time when asked for his address.

He was taken to hospital overnight. Mum went with him and I arrived after about an hour because the ambulance suggested they might be stuck outside queuing so I should wait to hear that they had got in.

My dad was already "back" and much more lucid. E.g. he could tell the time on the clock opposite him and grumble about waiting when different medics had said that they would come back.

He was monitored overnight. In the morning when he needed to urinate the medics didn't want him to stand up but he was having none of it and got up and marched down the corridor to the loo. He was discharged later that morning and while my mum and dad had agreed to get in touch for a lift or get a taxi they instead caught the bus.

I has asked a medic in the morning what they can do for my dad (I had been googling and found the risk of a stroke is higher the month after a TIA). They said nothing that they can do really as the treatment would be blood thinners but he was already on blood thinners. I asked if they can up his dose of these but he said they can't as they always have to balance the risk of a clot with the risk of a bleed.

My dad is 80, heavy with not a healthy lifestyle. He had already stopped driving by choice before this.

Was your husband prescribed blood thinners? I'm not saying he should have been at all as that obviously depends on his results to tests. If he was that is his treatment. If he wasn't then that is something he can ask his GP about.

I think your husband perhaps wants to ignore the episode as he is frightened like you are. From seeing this with my dad it seems that there is no magic solution but yes get him to go to his GP who can review his medication and look at lifestyle advice.

Take a look at the "treatment" section here
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/transient-ischaemic-attack-tia/

I hope your husband is OK now.

I've tried to tell him this. I even said I'd inform the dvla but he just got angry and said it wouldn't benefit me. He's acting like I'm trying to control him. I just don't want him to drop dead or kill anyone else by losing consciousness whilst driving.

My mum had a TIA about two months ago. She couldn’t drive for a month then she had some tests and they okayed her to drive, it wasn’t long to be out of action. The thing was - they told her that quite often, another TIA or stroke will follow the first - that’s what your husband has to realise. Good luck.

Yes he has the app and checked yesterday but the discharge notes are not there.
I'm going to make him ring back the GP today. I want advice before he returns to work on Monday. He drives for work.

He needs to stop driving, that could well be a seizure and if so another one could come at any time. Let's hope it isn't on the motorway where he could wipe out a family due to his selfish behaviour. I have epilepsy and lost my license for a year due to it, now stable for years but ignoring a potential seizure is disgraceful.

That's scary to hear. I was thinking there may be things not picked up by the CT scan.. my DH was using the clear CT to say it was just fainting. But he doesn't remember. Everyone who saw knows he did not just faint

I think because he doesn't remember he's just deciding it isn't a big deal. It was terrifying to watch. I don't feel like I'm getting through to him. He drives for work all day long. He's been off this week but goes back Monday. I don't know how to make him see. He just acts like I'm being hysterical and controlling

Epileptic here.

This sounds very much like a seizure.
The confusion when he’s spoke to the ambulance and then actually sees the ambulance is exactly what happens to me every time.
The asking of the question ‘how did we get to friends house’ and not knowing what you were doing there but knowing you were there is also how my brain works afterwards. It’s a very hard thing to explain. Like a drunken night and only remembering certain parts but then forget again the answers to the questions.

Its exhausting afterwards I sleep for about 3 days.
The fact he got up too just before it happened. I seem to do that rather than sit/lay down as it can make you slightly agitated seconds before. Like the sudden feeling of having to do something.

Hope you find out what’s going on. Seizures can just suddenly happen due to stress and there not being anything else wrong.

No he doesn't have any blood pressure issues. Is a healthy weight doesn't smoke, rarely drinks. Runs 5 miles 4 times a week.
He doesn't sleep well though and he is 53.
This makes me think it was a seizure rather than a tia. I don't know how this would be confirmed though. None of the tests at the hospital showed anything wrong

@violetcuriosity I think this was said to make him see the seriousness of the situation for his wife. He should definitely make a will if he hasn't got one to make it easier for his wife when he does die.

My FIL had a TIA could only repeat one word over and over, luckily was given aspirin at home (as advised at the time, I know advice on this has now changed) and taken to hospital by MIL as an ambulance would take 5 hours.

He then had a full stroke a couple of months later and another more serious one 4 months after that. He was mid 60s.

Ring the GP yourself, explain what happened and what follow up was suggested. I am sure the GP admin can ring the hospital in question to get a copy of the discharge letter sent to them or at least read out to them. There is sadly a separation of primary (GP) and secondary care (hospital) so I would suggest them calling as this is urgent and you are concerned he is downplaying this as fainting which you disagree with and tell them what happened. He drives for a living and he will get back behind the wheel.

It’s not for me to diagnose what happened to DH, but DD has epilepsy. People can have amnesia around the seizure; and confusion, tiredness and aggression after it.

I’ve heard people say, who only have a few seizures a month, that they feel knocked out afterwards for several weeks - ie tired.

You make him see by reporting seriousness of the issue to his GP and the DVLA. That's a moral obligation on your part. Similarly, if he ever got behind the wheel pissed, you'd call the police.

Even 'fainting' needs reporting:
www.gov.uk/driving-medical-conditions

He needs to ensure he is signed off and allowed to drive. If he drives before being signed off and has an accident and causes injury or a fatality, his insurance company are unlikely to provide indemnity. That means they wont payout to the injured party. If i were acting for the injured party, i would be seeking compensation against your husband and his assets personally, this would include your house, if you owned one.

I suggest he follows up on this asap and stop driving until he is cleared to do so.

As someone further up suggested, i would ensure he has a will in place as well and a power of attorney.