2 year old driving me insane, when does it get better please?

[fedupmammam]

For the past 6 months my toddler has been driving me insane on a daily basis and she is just getting worse.

She will scream constantly for no reason.
When we are in the house, when we are out, when we are eating in restaurants, when I am bathing her, when I put her in the cot for bed time, it's literally non stop.

There is also an issue at meal times where she will just point at things for me to get for her to hold otherwise she to eat.

Her sleep is all over the place and I in the process of actioning a sleep plan devised by a sleep consultant as soon as I am well enough (have had a cold and a UTI for the past few weeks).

She isnt in nursery as OH is abit skeptical and anxious about sending her there.
I look after her 7 days a week with a few hours break if I am lucky.
OH works pretty much 6 days a week.

I am exhausted, she drains me so much.
I feel like a nervous wreck as she will just start screaming for no reason.

We have been to the paediatrician a few weeks ago and all was fine (unrelated issue).

Everything is a battle from brushing teeth, getting dressed, bath time, meals etc.

I feel awful feeling like this but I seriously wonder if I am cut out for this and I really miss my old life.

I feel as if I have aged 10 years, from having hardly ant grey hairs to now having quite a few which I now dye, I believe this is from all the stress.

I often find myself frustrated and fed up.
I always seem to be saying "stop doing that" or "stop it and calm down".
I must say this 100 times a day.

I just wanted other peoples opinions really as I just feel so alone.
OH believes that she acts like this because he works away and is now in the process of finding a local job so he can help me more and be here every day for DD.

Just wanted other people's experiences really as I just feel so lost.
I don't think I am depressed I am just fed up with doing everything, lack of sleep and constantly getting colds from surviving on a few hours of sleep.

Yep. This is your life now. God’s speed.

Things improve when they get to about 4. Drink more.

If you can afford nursery put her in, unless your DH is going to look after 48 hours at the weekend for you to have some recovery time.

My son has just turned 3 last month and has defo turned a corner. He is my 3rd child and also a screamer, my other 2 didn’t do this! So I understand how you feel on that part. He’s been my hardest toddler by far.

Nursery 2 mornings a week has saved my sanity. My set up is very similar to you with DH being around barely at all. My son is better behaved on the days he’s been at nursery as he’s been stimulated and then plays nicely when he gets home. I’m in a better mood as I’ve had a break and gotten on top of whatever I need to get on with. Everyone wins! I’d consider it if I were you!

Hi there, parenting is not easy but you are doing a fantastic job. Does your daughter perhaps have some undiagnosed hearing issue/allergy/acid reflux? I would visit the GP because it is easy to just write things off as typical two year old behaviour but (and I write from experience) there is usually another physiological explanation that is likely contributing. She sounds as though she may have a sensory processing disorder and may be overwhelmed by noises/smells etc but you would need to visit the GP with your concerns.
It becomes much easier when they are speaking because you can figure out what is causing the distress far more easily. Stay strong, you are doing a good job.

Yeah your partner can fuck off with his unhelpful opinions about childcare given that he’s not around 95% of the time and hasn’t got a clue how draining and stressful it is.

mine started nursery at 2.5 yrs and by that point I was seriously on the edge and just needed time away from him. He started by doing two mornings a week and built up from there and I went back to work when he was 3.

the pre school years are incredibly difficult especially if you have no help.

I think you should definitely put your foot down and insist that she starts nursery part time at the very least!

You need to get her in nursery. We were never meant to care for small children 24/7 with little practical help.

Omg, send her to nursery!! It’s good for them - they learn so much and socialise. She’s probably really bored. No offence meant! I am certain you do loads with her but it can’t compare to the variety of nursery. Mine is 19 months and I would not survive if I didn’t have childcare. It makes our weekends and evenings together so much nicer. Even then sometimes I struggle to come up with 3 outings a day to keep her entertained, and I can see she’s bored only having me to play with. That said this is a hard age. My nephew’s getting much nicer at 2.5. So bear with!

That’s so true. It’s okay when on holiday with family or even just at grandparents house - they need more people around, ideally other kids to run round with - and you can take 5 seconds to go to the loo and express a thought to someone who’ll understand it. It’s the one on one that’s so killer. In the old days there always would have been aunties and cousins and various older ladies around to help out and just be nearby as support and basic entertainment and learning. So much harder alone.

I wouldn’t give a toss what my husband thought about childcare if he wasn’t the one to quit his job and stay at home

I'm off with my 2.4 year old do hes mot at mursery and he does test me at times, he's aged us both by not sleeping well for 2 yrs. I find getting out every morning to clubs, classes or playgroup invaluable, the home for lunch and nap and then chill after nap with the gruffalo on or something then play or he helps me cook dinner while on his tower "chopping" veg with his toy cars. He gets really whingey and loud when bored or in too much so this is what works for me, and including him in many of the daily tasks as he loves acting like a grownup.

You don’t even need to tell your DH if she goes to nursery. Or just hire a childminder a couple mornings a week

as previous poster said we were not meant to do this alone. Sadly nursery is the “village” for some of us! Putting my daughter is saved my sanity. Sending love as these toddler years are tough without help

What on earth is your husband’s problem with childcare? He needs to get a grip! Find a good nursery or childminder and see what hours she is entitled too. This will give you a break (which will make you a more patient parent. It certainly did for me!), and your DD will get to play with other kids her age.

Cheer up! It doesn't last for ever, despite what everyone else seems to be saying.

I can tell you that despite having three children currently I never have to tell them to do something more than once, there's no screaming and their rooms are staying tidy.

Okay, two are at uni and the other's moved in with boyfriend, but there is an end to it....

Seriously, that's a 2yo. They haven't yet realised that other people have feelings/want things etc. Their life is them in a big circle.
Your friends are consistency, blackmail, careful choices, and love.

So be consistent - decide what hills you want to die on and stick to them. Flexibility is great at times, for example on a holiday, and as they get older, but knowing that they have to do A before B and need to finish eating before they get down, or must put shoes on to go outside etc means gradually they will do it without thinking.

Blackmail and bribery. You know, the two things you said you'd never use pre-children. They're brilliant. "If you want the packet of raisins you need to sit in the buggy." "If you want to go to the park, you need to let me put your coat on" "If you want me to play with your Lego, you need to help me clear the table..."
Don't knock them. It makes life easy for you, and it doesn't do them any harm.

Careful choices. This is done so they haven't really got a choice, but think they have. My dd2 didn't want to wear a coat. So I used to ask her if she wanted to wear her coat forwards or backwards. The number of people who stop you to let you know that your 2yo, who can't do buttons up on her front, has got her coat on backwards with all the buttons done up, is amazing. And it will make you giggle too.
That way she thought she had a choice, but if I'd said "put your coat on" it would have been a battle. "Do you want the pink plate or the red plate with the vegetables on?" "Shall you have the boats in the bath with you, or the ducks?" "Will you get to the bathroom first, or shall I?" Things where they'll want to say "no" if you just did it, or would choose an unsuitable option.

And love. Hugs, kisses and just showing you love them means they grow up confident in you. They will play up for you because you are their safe place. That's no comfort now at all, but it is true.
And by growing up in love, they will learn to love back.

I found things became less intense from 2.5 years and has got progressively better since then, mines 3.5 now. She doesn't really have tantrums now, as in prolonged crying for no apparent reason. She will have emotional reactions to things but you can reason with her more and she understands more and she is less confusing to me. So she might be upset, but because her communication is better I understand why and I don't feel confused which is half the stress i find.

But what you describe sounds typical of a toddler.

I do think your husband is dictating far too much considering he isn't there most of the time. I didn't send my kids to nursery at 2 but it was my choice not my husband's. You're the one doing the job, you should decide how it's done.

I found age 2-3 absolutely horrendous and friends with kids have said the same. I was very grateful to go to work and drop him off at childcare. It suddenly all improved by age 5 and has been better every year since then.

Send her to nursery. Tell your bloke that until he's around to help he can keep his anxieties to himself.

Is it genuinely without stopping, or does it just feel like it? Am trying to work out if she's actually upset/in pain, or is just a two year old. If she's not upset, but rather making a noise I would give zero attention to the screaming. You don't want to reinforce it with attention. There's no point asking a two year old to be quiet. Not when they are screaming anyway.

And agree, she's hit the point when nursery is about uer development and socialisation. And will give you some time away from her. Toddlers are exhausting.

If you can afford nursary, put her in! She doesnt have to go every day. Just one day a week will do her and you the world of good. Honestly unless your husband is going to have a day off a week to have her id tell him do one, he should see your at your witts end

ignore OH and get her some time in nursery/preschool.

it gives you a break and you need it.

End your child will probably develop attachment difficulties from being in full time paid childcare omg!! No offence!!

This is stupid. It's also not true.

Get her into nursery!

It does get better but I also found that going in to combat with them / trying to be authoritarian made it all worse. You get trapped in a cycle of ‘don’t do this’ and everyone feels cross.

i found I didn’t have realistic expectations of a 2 year old and it improved when I did. Eg not rushing them, being more flex with plans. I also found increasing meaningful contact time eg reading or asking them what they want to play with, really helped.

defo get them in nursery tho. They have so much energy and want to learn. You’ll be fresher and more patient. The worst is when you feel all stressed, load of stuff to do and then your toddler is having a melt down. Make sure you meet your needs too eg time for something fun, eating meals etc. putting them in nursery may give you that time.

i wouldn’t listen to what your partner says about nursery coz you’re essentially being a single parent for loads of the week, so your assessment / needs are key here

It’s also not true that a child that doesn’t attend nursery is bored with their primary care giver. Two stereotypes from different sides.