2 year old driving me insane, when does it get better please?

[fedupmammam]

For the past 6 months my toddler has been driving me insane on a daily basis and she is just getting worse.

She will scream constantly for no reason.
When we are in the house, when we are out, when we are eating in restaurants, when I am bathing her, when I put her in the cot for bed time, it's literally non stop.

There is also an issue at meal times where she will just point at things for me to get for her to hold otherwise she to eat.

Her sleep is all over the place and I in the process of actioning a sleep plan devised by a sleep consultant as soon as I am well enough (have had a cold and a UTI for the past few weeks).

She isnt in nursery as OH is abit skeptical and anxious about sending her there.
I look after her 7 days a week with a few hours break if I am lucky.
OH works pretty much 6 days a week.

I am exhausted, she drains me so much.
I feel like a nervous wreck as she will just start screaming for no reason.

We have been to the paediatrician a few weeks ago and all was fine (unrelated issue).

Everything is a battle from brushing teeth, getting dressed, bath time, meals etc.

I feel awful feeling like this but I seriously wonder if I am cut out for this and I really miss my old life.

I feel as if I have aged 10 years, from having hardly ant grey hairs to now having quite a few which I now dye, I believe this is from all the stress.

I often find myself frustrated and fed up.
I always seem to be saying "stop doing that" or "stop it and calm down".
I must say this 100 times a day.

I just wanted other peoples opinions really as I just feel so alone.
OH believes that she acts like this because he works away and is now in the process of finding a local job so he can help me more and be here every day for DD.

Just wanted other people's experiences really as I just feel so lost.
I don't think I am depressed I am just fed up with doing everything, lack of sleep and constantly getting colds from surviving on a few hours of sleep.

Adding to this, if you’ve told your OH how you feel and how worn out you are and he is still against nursery then he doesn’t care about your feelings or respect you.

So her behaviour is absolutely standard there doesn't seem to be an issue.

In that case, it's all well and good saying you don't agree with childcare, whilst having to do literally no child caring yourself! Find yourself a nursery/preschool/playgroup/anything to give you a break as soon as you can, it will do you both the world of good!

Just to say, OP, nursery helps with food times / eating as well. They all sit round a little table together (so cute!) and use cutlery and they develop so fast with it - they copy each other and feel a bit of peer pressure to sit nicely and join in - plus nursery just let them have at it and clear up afterwards which I can’t stand to do in my own home! It’s honestly amazing how much they pick up from being around others. And you can NAP!!!!!

How is her speech? The constant screaming may be due to frustration at being unable to express herself.

Of course, tantrums are developmentally appropriate for 2-year-olds. There’s a reason that this stage is called the terrible twos! I know that’s cold comfort when you’re in the trenches.

I agree with PPs that we were never meant to raise children in isolation. It takes a village and that can certainly include nursery.

Routine helps to regulate children. Getting a good sleep schedule is most important. Make sure they are fed often to avoid them getting hangry. Breakfast snack lunch snack dinner snack or bottle before bedtime. Choose your battles. Be firm. Give appropriate choices, the red or blue spoon. Dress or trousers. What book do you want. Blueberries or strawberries. But not a choice to brush teeth, but you can with the tooth brush you choose at the shops. Don’t go to eat out until they are older. Join mums and tots to get out during the day. Some kids are just more difficult than others and hopefully she will grow out of it. My first was a nightmare but turned into an amazing person. Firm, loving, consistent.

I am in the thick of it with my 2 year old too and like everyone else here I can totally sympathise with you.

Firstly, your OH really doesn’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to dictating the childcare. He clearly has his head in the clouds. Let him take a week off work to look after her so you can have a break, he’ll soon be wishing he was back at work after a couple of days. Being a SAHM is bloody hard.

The fact that she is on her best behaviour for him and not you is because YOU are her safe person, it’s frustrating and I get it because my DS is the same for my DH but try to take it as a compliment.

Please for your sake get your DD booked into nursery, even if it’s just one day a week. It will do you both some good. (Mine goes 2 full days a week while I work and now a morning a week so I can go to appointments and get things done but I’m increasing this to a full day as I need that whole day to myself to clean, go for solo dog walks or to just do nothing but relax on the sofa, watching Netflix for my own sanity!!!) You need the break and it will be amazing for her socialisation. Also, the staff at nursery will be able to report back her behaviour during the day and give any insights or helpful opinions/info. She will thrive. You both will. Good luck Mama!

I bet he wouldn’t be skeptical and anxious about nursery if he was looking after her mostly on his own most of the time.

It's wonderful now my youngest is 7.

25. Twenty fucking five years

<Looks back on toddler years with fondness>

By the time you've done teens with an overgrown toddler that's bigger than you, swearier than you and doesn't sleep until later than you ... You too will look back and wonder why it seemed so bad in toddler hood!*

• Not all teens. And not all toddlers.

Thanks for all the replies.
She is just non stop, she literally drives me insane from the moment she wakes to when she sleeps.

I did want a another child but I definitely think I am one and done as I can't go through this again especially when I am doing all of the childcare.
Obviously OH isn't too happy with my choice.

When she is eating she will often play up unless I give her toys etc to hold whilst she eats.

Thays why sometimes I take her out for food as she dosent play up.

Since she has been up all she has done is throw things on the floor and then screams for me to pick them up.I

OH is finishing work at 12 today as they are visiting his mum so hopefully I will get a rest, wow I am looking forward to hearing nothing but silence and having a cup of tea without it getting cold lol.

Childcare enquiries will be made on Monday.
I have told OH that she will be attending nursery or going to a child minder and it's not up for debate as I am the one who has her 24/7 and is unable to work whilst he works pretty much 7 days.

Yea get em in nursery!
I feel for you sounds like my 2 year old, This is the hardest point so far with him. He goes nursery 3x a week which he's now decided he doesn't want to go to. The 2days he's home he's still a nightmare we are thinking to even add another day/ morning to get a break!

When they went to nursery. I lasted nowhere near two years! Get your DH to swap roles if he’s not keen. Let’s see if he’s willing to stay at home. I hope he’s paying into a pension for you.

The behaviour you are describing sounds like normal overtired two year old behaviour. You said her sleep is all over the place - think about how lack of sleep affects your patience levels and ability to think rationally - it’s the same for children! Get the sleep sorted and she will improve loads.

If your husband is determined for your daughter not to go to childcare then he needs to reduce his working hours to look after her. It’s not the 1950’s, you don’t have to be a full time SAHM because your husband says so.

Do you get out and about with the toddler, parks, playground, library, children zoo, playdates, etc. Set up a routine as if she were in daycare.

I’ve been finding my little DD (2 and 3 months) really difficult lately, maybe there’s something in the water! I got really grumpy with her at her little ballet class on Saturday which I still feel bad about as she just whinged throughout the session.

One of the things I’ve realised is that we’re so close and so we do effect one another’s moods without realising. Example - she’s listening to her Yoto player and she doesn’t want that song, she screams. I snap WHAT? What IS it? That obviously escalates the situation. What I have been doing is to make a really conscious effort to speak nicely, I don’t mean I accept being treated like a slave but I model what I want to see, so in the above example I calmly say ‘you want Baa Baa Black Sheep again? Thank you.’ Sometimes I might say super calmly and very mildly ‘don’t shout love.’

Janet Lansbury is good as well. I have been reading up on it though and it’s very normal. I did go through this with dc1 and I assumed it was because of my pregnancy then newborn but I think two year olds are just difficult. I had a threenager with DS and I’m sure I will with DD where you get the sass and defiance and rudeness but I guess at least you can reason a bit with a three year old. DD was having a massive tantrum the other day because she wanted to wear her slippers outside.

Four is a lovely age, if that helps …