2 year old driving me insane, when does it get better please?

[fedupmammam]

For the past 6 months my toddler has been driving me insane on a daily basis and she is just getting worse.

She will scream constantly for no reason.
When we are in the house, when we are out, when we are eating in restaurants, when I am bathing her, when I put her in the cot for bed time, it's literally non stop.

There is also an issue at meal times where she will just point at things for me to get for her to hold otherwise she to eat.

Her sleep is all over the place and I in the process of actioning a sleep plan devised by a sleep consultant as soon as I am well enough (have had a cold and a UTI for the past few weeks).

She isnt in nursery as OH is abit skeptical and anxious about sending her there.
I look after her 7 days a week with a few hours break if I am lucky.
OH works pretty much 6 days a week.

I am exhausted, she drains me so much.
I feel like a nervous wreck as she will just start screaming for no reason.

We have been to the paediatrician a few weeks ago and all was fine (unrelated issue).

Everything is a battle from brushing teeth, getting dressed, bath time, meals etc.

I feel awful feeling like this but I seriously wonder if I am cut out for this and I really miss my old life.

I feel as if I have aged 10 years, from having hardly ant grey hairs to now having quite a few which I now dye, I believe this is from all the stress.

I often find myself frustrated and fed up.
I always seem to be saying "stop doing that" or "stop it and calm down".
I must say this 100 times a day.

I just wanted other peoples opinions really as I just feel so alone.
OH believes that she acts like this because he works away and is now in the process of finding a local job so he can help me more and be here every day for DD.

Just wanted other people's experiences really as I just feel so lost.
I don't think I am depressed I am just fed up with doing everything, lack of sleep and constantly getting colds from surviving on a few hours of sleep.

It gets better at about 3 and then they calm down even more around the time they go to school. The twos are not a good hear hold in there op

1. get her in nursery

2. tell your husband he keeps his opinion to himself until he starts parenting more.

3. enjoy the silence.

I feel that most of these replies are missing the point. What you describe is normal age appropriate 2 year old behaviour. You are not doing anything wrong, as time passes so will the difficult behaviour. My son will be 2 this Saturday and he drives me mad, however I know 1 year from now things will be entirely different. Your situation doesn't need "fixed" just acceptance within yourself that this is the stage that your life is at just now. Also the shove them in nursery responses glosses over the fact that it costs an absolute fortune. Real nursery education does not start until age 3 and it is OK to wait until then.

To the nursery she must go, unless your DH plans on dropping some days to shoulder the burden.

It’ll give you a break and allow her to be in another social setting and observe others who are not screaming all day, the nursery staff will also be helpful in cutting out that behaviour.

2 year olds are tyrants. Get the sleeping sorted, couple of days in nursery and try where you can to turn everything into a game. It’s a pita but it often means you get teeth brushing etc done quicker.

I’ll be back here soon enough with my current 10 month old and will try to remember my own advice.

Exactly this.

Totally agree with this.
You need your identity back. What right has he got to be 'sceptical' when you are the one dealing with this drudgery day in, day out, week in, week out, losing your skills, sending your pensions down the spout and generally ridding yourself of all sense of self.
Enrol her in nursery, get back to work and tell DH to stuff his opinions.

How much screaming is it, OP? Just trying to get a sense of whether it’s ‘normal’, or whether there’s something going on.

Her situation does need fixing. She has a DH that does no parenting. That needs fixing.

Hi everyone thank you so much for the replies and advice.

She will scream when I say whenever I say "no".
If I do something she dosent like she will just scream. For example take put a toy away when cleaning up.
When I am vacuuming she will start screaming as she will want to do it or help me do it.

She also has a habit of falling onto the floor when she is having a tantrum and scream for 5 minutes.

When she is being bathed she loves to play with water and will scream for 10 minutes when I take her out.

When we go out eating she will eat her food and also want mine and will scream until I give her some
of my food.

She loves those Birds Eye Alphabites and as soon
as they come out of the oven she will scream non until she can stuff them in her mouth.

I think sending her to nursery will be beneficial for both of us.

I take her out every day, we also go to plagroups and soft play twice a week. OH will also usually take her out for half a day somewhere.

Nursery even half a day - you must have a break

youre doing incredible but you’re only human

I’m an oldie so know how much options have changed - but my DC went to private full fee paying nursery for 2 hours twice a week - it saved my sanity! Long before free hours etc

I think closer to 4 is when they are consistently predictable and more chilled out. It's not really fair for him to say that he doesn't want her to go with nursery when almost all of the childcare falls on you though.
Other things that might be helpful could possibly be changing the way you talk - "how to talk so little kids will listen" can be helpful - sometimes it doesn't matter how you say it though they will just fuss either way.

It does get better. My DD is 3 early next year and I have really noticed a change for good in her behaviour.

You definitely need to put your DD into nursery for a couple of days a week. Your mental and physical health is also important. Your OH doesn’t get to veto you having a break once or twice a week to take care of yourself.

Christ I took the day off work last week and put mine in nursery for half the day, I’m pregnant and tired and as much as I feel guilty for being away from her, I also felt better for cleaning the house in peace and taking a damn nap.

We have a big age gap between ours and my first was a bloody angel until 3.5. This one though, is also a screamer. Amd still wakes at least once per night.

Dc is 2yrs 5m.

What's helped- changing to a cot bed has made bedtimes much better. Dc is now excited to get into bed and have a story read to them although still wants all the books in the world.

We give warnings- 2 more mins and its time for milk and story time. Dc doesn't quite understand time but knows it will come to an end. Thus initially triggered screaming. And then more when whatever ended. Now we get a whine and a whimper or a yes mommy.

When screaming starts over something trivial. We remind dc to use words, tell us what's wrong and that screaming isn't nice. It's slow but working

Another one that's worked and causes a bit of a laugh is when dc is full scream. We either ask a completely unrelated question which snaps dc out of it or ask if dc is ready to stop. To the layer we might get a no and some some more whining but then we suggest that instead of screaming they have a cuddle and tell us what's not quite right.

Meal times are still a battle. Refuses a lot of different foods but we keep giving what dc refuses and eventually dc has started to explore those foods. Like veg etc. We don't cook separate meals but serve exactly whatever is the family is eating. If dc doesn't eat much we do have a ore bath time snack of half a banana and some yogurt. Ifdc has eaten well not much of the snack gets eaten or its gets demolished if they had a picky dinner time. Tummy is full and we have less screaming at bedtime.

Books and little TV snippets on feelings has helped. Teaching dc Phrases like "I need help please" has been a huge help.

Dc is at nursery 2 full days and even they say dc struggles to listen all the time. Dc understand but thinks running away for a nappy change for example is fun. (Fml) and thay they ignore the screaming and it has now fully stopped there after about 4 months of them ignoring it. (Obviously not of he's hurt or needs comforting- they are excellent) nursery doesn't believe there is any sen in our case just a willful toddler who is pushing boundaries. Having them has helped us keep our sanity as they have given some of the ideas above.

Ohband we've started a sticker chart for good listening. Aby little thing they get a sticker. The sticker in itself is the award and is working so far.

Different stages have pros and cons. At two you get them out of the house as much as you can. It does get better but the challenges change but there's an awful lot of fun and laughter to come too. I miss my dd being that age as it was ok physically challenged but not mentally challenging like I have now.

Two is hard. The best thing I taught my two year old is to take a deep breath. It took a while but it is worth it. Now when she has a moment of frustration we model doing a big theatrical deep breath and she does the same back and calms down. It doesn’t always work but it‘s worth it for the times it does.

We taught it as ‘blow candles out’.

Also, how is her language? If she starts screaming can you say “try saying ‘help please mummy’” to her and will she say it back?

The toddler taming book is quite good, for managing screechy toddlers! I also agree that sensory issues may be an issue, my screechy one had sensory issues. She didn't like the minty toothpaste, and using an egg timer was helpful as a countdown to finishing activities. Ear defenders are useful, if she can tolerate them. Definitely gets easier when they have more words.

The screaming is because they can’t communicate properly yet so this will get better but they will still probably have some tantrums!

Find a preschool and start with a couple of mornings or afternoons, I did this because although I didn’t need childcare, I wanted to get them used to being in this kind of setting, it’s really good for social and learning and it is a good gradual step to starting school.

That sounds really tough OP! 2 is a hard age, and they know that screaming gets your immediate attention when they want connection.

My daughter is 2 and goes to nursery 3 days a week and she LOVES it. I understand your DH has concerns about nursery, but respectfully he’s not doing the childcare. So if he doesn’t want your child at nursery then he’s going to have to adjust his schedule to provide childcare himself. You’re struggling (because it’s exhausting) and you need a break. Find a really good local nursery or childminder and start with a few mornings a week.

Hope it gets better OP!

OH dosent realise or understand how hard and draining it is to look after her 24/7.
He catches glimpses here and there.

She is usually on her best behaviour for him.

Apparently DC is "too young" to go nursery and he wants to wait until she is 3.

I know all of this is really affecting my mental health and I wish I could just put her in nursery full time as I have literally been her sole carer for a year now (since OH started his new job) and I am at my wits end.

I have told OH that I intend to make some enquiries in relation to childcare as I need time to myself and it is very unfair for me to look after her, cook, clean 24/7 and have no time to myself.

I have advised him many time if you looked after her for a week you would understand but he is yet to do that.

Even my own mother who has 4 kids advises me to put her in nursery, it's only OH who objects.

Fuck me you're a hero for doing this pretty much alone 7 days a week, for this long. My DD is the same age and I am not exaggerating by saying nursery has saved my sanity and my marriage. She has an incredible amount of energy and a very busy mind and she absolutely thrives there. She is so, so much nicer when she's not stuck with me 24/7!

So yeah, get your DC in nursery ASAP. They can start on a couple of mornings a week and you can actually just breathe!

If your DH doesn't like it tell him to book a week's annual leave and look after DC while you go away on a break by yourself. I expect he'll change his tune pretty fucking rapidly. Or just tell him to sod off and this is what's happening.

I am constantly in awe of people who dedicate that much time to their kids! DD was similar when 2 and we had a lot of childcare etc…was still an amazingly tough period. DD is 5 now and life is a breeze in comparison! Stay strong!

Your boyfriends opinion is completely irrelevant since he chooses to not parent.
Your financial independence is vitally important, he's is prioritising his finances, you need to do the same.

Is your OH controlling at all? I find his worry over this quite strange. What do you mean by sceptical and anxious - these are unusual feelings to have around nursery. What is he sceptical about? I also agree with others that it's not as though you'd need to put her in full time. 2-3 mornings a week would do you both the world of good probably. There are also different types of nurseries such as Montessori, or a childminder, which is more home based.

Do you go to things like toddler groups/stay and play/storytime at the library etc? Or any activities like Rhyme Time or Tumble Tots?

I am not really clear about this bit of your post:

There is also an issue at meal times where she will just point at things for me to get for her to hold otherwise she to eat.

Do you mean she has to hold (unrelated) things while eating like toys? Or she wants you to hand her pieces of food to hold to eat? Does she use a fork or spoon yet? Are you very concerned about her eating?

How much is she talking? I think 2yos tend to tantrum more when they can't communicate in another way, it must be really frustrating for them.

You’re kidding me right?

DH is working 6 days a week whilst you look after DC 7 days a week with hardly any breaks and he thinks he gets main say about nursery

She isnt in nursery as OH is abit skeptical and anxious about sending her there.

I think getting her into nursery and around other children would be one of the best things you could do for her (and yourself…)