How to tell DH I don’t like flowers

[otherlineeyes]

DH has bought me some flowers as a thank you/apology. Not a big drama, he didn’t acknowledge or appreciate me going above and beyond for a few weeks. I hoped he’d then lean in, I got a bit cross, mostly at having to spell it out to him. He has now been doing more, but now only after meeting his mum and sister today (a week later) did he surprise me with a bunch of flowers.
I know I sound ungrateful, but tbh I am!

1-He was obviously told by them that he needed to make it up to me, again didn’t notice.

2- they are really ugly flowers! He in recent years has got me and his mum for Mother’s Day a bunch from the same local shop around the corner and they are ugly, garish, imported strange flowers.
I prefer plants, don’t like the environmental and human cost of flower farming, and prefer the look of a posy of garden flowers. I would actually prefer the money spent on the flowers to buy myself something I like like a top or nice face cream or a lunch out or anything instead of these ugly flowers.

I am here to have a moan, but also ask for any advice on how to let him know to not get them for me again without sounding ungrateful. Or Aibu and Ishould just suck it up and be glad of the gesture?

I like flowers but I loathe the price of the big blousy bunches and really buying that for £40 or so is £40 we now don’t have. So I am paying too.

Still I suck it up and thank DP because really it’s his way of making an apology. And then I separate it into lots of single stems or smaller bunches so I make the most of them.

You could make light and say next time your buying ‘I’m a dick’ flowers please purchase a houseplant so I can start a collection for perpetuity.

I would also prefer a plant.

Just tell him!

Hey I like the flowers they were a lovely thought, bit could we get some plants for the garden instead?

I really dislike flowers as an apology. It's so lazy. I'd say that you appreciate the thought this time but that next time, you'd like xyz. And specify clearly what that is.

If it's a one-off and meant as an apology and you want to accept the apology, don't reject or comment on the flowers.

At another time, when it's not all loaded with emotion, just say 'I don't love flowers so much, I prefer plants, I'd love it if you got me a pot plant' and point a couple out in Sainsbos.

I love flowers and plants, so for me, either would be good.

Just talk to him! Assuming he's not psychic, he might need you to spell things out.

Hate them. Last time I got them, I saw the bill… Never again!

I know I have to just tell him clearly at an opportune moment… and that I am being a bit unreasonable in not wanting to BUT the reason we’re here is because of his lack of thinking about or noticing so it grates to have to spell this out too.
I will, in due course, but it helps to vent here first and I’m hoping that some of you will get why it’s annoying

Do you not know how to communicate with your own husband?

And it’s another job - I have to unpack and arrange the fuckers

yes, and I’m asking how does he not know how to thank (and apologise for the delay in thanking) his wife after she has done him an enormous favour.
It goes both ways. We will sort it out in due course, as I said I’m venting…

😄That's essentially what I told DH the last time he bought me flowers.

Turns out a very blunt, "Ack fgs, now you've given me a job to do" is very effective. Just blurted it out without thinking. Threw my hands in the air all dramatic like. He thought that was very amusing and he took it on board. 😆

Just tell him straight that you appreciate the gesture but you aren't a fan of bunches of flowers and would prefer an xyz in future.

Well, none of us know because we don’t know him.

But men are simple creatures. Sometimes they can be oblivious and equally selfish/arrogant.

If he doesn’t appreciate you and you don’t know how to express your concerns/feelings towards him then I’d be considering if I wanted to stay married to him.

It really sounds like you and DH have a communication problem. How long have you been together that he doesn't know you don't like cut flowers?

I find it really surprising when women expect a man to KNOW what they're thinking, or what's expected of them, they're not mind readers, and just because most women are better at picking up on what their menfolk want/like/need, it's pretty well known that men function differently to us, hence the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.

Therefore OP, I think you need to talk to your DH, tell him what you want from him, ie, if you want him to empty the bins, load the dishwasher, etc., then tell him so. Obviously none of us expect to tell our husband or partner what to buy by way of apology, but if he's really crap at this sort of thing, then say to him at some point when the opportunity comes up, 'oh, by the way, next time you're in the dog house, and want to show me you're sorry, instead of buying me flowers, I'd really appreciate a proper pot plant instead, as it always seems a shame to me to cut flowers, as it shortens their lifespan, whereas I can nurture a pot plant and keep it going for a long time'. This way, you've made your point, not criticised his apology this time, and hopefully he'll remember next time he wants to buy you a gift, whether it be a birthday or a 'sorry I messed up' gift.

Very early on, I told my husband it's not that I didnt like flowers - it's just that I prefer living plants. At the time we were at a garden centre buying a small fruit tree as a new home present for a close friend. Trick is to SHOW him what you prefer

Cue years of decorative old lady 'planters'' but this year he surpassed himself - she didn't have any planters so I got you two hot chilli plants. I am up to my ankles in chilli and I love it.

This.

As so many people do appreciate being bought flowers, I don't think it is in any way an unreasonable thing to do, especially as you don't seem to have told him before.

Just do it separate from this, if you are accepting his apology.
Esy to say "You know, I don't really like cut flowers much. I'd prefer chocolates any time over flowers anyone might get me" (or 'a plant' or ' a nice gin' or 'lunch out' or whatever you prefer).

Just ask if you can have a plant?

I just hate apologies. My mantra is don’t do anything you need to say sorry for in the first place. And if you do fuck up, don’t grovel just do bloody better. I love flowers but not from some idiot man who is trying to weasel his way out of something. And I wouldn’t be precious about ‘telling him’ that either!

Yes do better is really the best response. An apology isn’t a transactional thing; giving someone a present doesn’t change whatever they did, or mean theycwon
do it again.
I love flowers, but I’m with the op and others on ugly ,or pretty) florist’s or supernarket bouquets. They come from Kenya or Columbia at a huge environmental (and human) cost. Even those ‘letterbox’ bouquets that claim to be ethically produced - how do they nanage to deliver roses in February? They buy in from Holland which is niw a giant wholesaler for the international trade.
British-grown seasonal flowers are now a thing and are absolutely gorgeous - I’d love one of those bouquets. Sorry for the rant.

Sorry for the typos - recovering from a broken wrist.

I can't accept your apology without a bouquet. 😌

@Givenupshopping is absolutely right. Address the root cause which is communication.
Probably best to tell his mum and sister at some point as well as the idea will have come from them.
I do love flowers and I’m awful at keeping plants alive, not that I have anyone to buy me apology flowers though. I’m not sure I’ve ever told anyone what kind of flowers I like. I wouldn’t get them often enough to need to have that discussion!

💐

Yes, just smile and be nice.🙄

If you can’t just tell him @otherlineeyes, maybe there are bigger problems in your relationship than you think.

I hate that about flowers as well. It's just another chore. Then you have to watch them die and drop everywhere.

I told mine I'd prefer something living than flowers. But he's not a thoughtless twat in general.

You could try shoving them the front of his jumper to get your message across.

Gently mystified. How is it possible to hate flowers?