How to tell DH I don’t like flowers

[otherlineeyes]

DH has bought me some flowers as a thank you/apology. Not a big drama, he didn’t acknowledge or appreciate me going above and beyond for a few weeks. I hoped he’d then lean in, I got a bit cross, mostly at having to spell it out to him. He has now been doing more, but now only after meeting his mum and sister today (a week later) did he surprise me with a bunch of flowers.
I know I sound ungrateful, but tbh I am!

1-He was obviously told by them that he needed to make it up to me, again didn’t notice.

2- they are really ugly flowers! He in recent years has got me and his mum for Mother’s Day a bunch from the same local shop around the corner and they are ugly, garish, imported strange flowers.
I prefer plants, don’t like the environmental and human cost of flower farming, and prefer the look of a posy of garden flowers. I would actually prefer the money spent on the flowers to buy myself something I like like a top or nice face cream or a lunch out or anything instead of these ugly flowers.

I am here to have a moan, but also ask for any advice on how to let him know to not get them for me again without sounding ungrateful. Or Aibu and Ishould just suck it up and be glad of the gesture?

Surely you use your words like an adult
and say thank you for the flowers but I prefer
plants.
Mind blowing I know.

Don’t tell him you don’t like flowers
Tell him you prefer and like plants more than flowers

Sorry to answer your question - you could be PA and buy him flowers the next time you’re out. Or just leave them rotting in the vase (which I often do unintentionally)

or just tell him - thank you but I’m not a fan of cut flowers. I appreciate the thought though and that you recognise why I may have been upset. Perhaps we could have a chat about what happened and how we can ensure we don’t have resentment build up in future

Just tell him. I can’t bear being given flowers. I would find them patronising as an apology. Show you’re sorry with actions, not flowers.

They’re a lazy, thoughtless gift.

How long have you been together? I’d just say that I appreciate the thought behind the flowers, they were a lovely gesture but moving forward I’d rather have a cake.

I don’t like being given flowers.. it’s just work changing the water every day. I had to tell dh a few times and now he doesn’t get them! Sorted.

I get it. I hate flowers - and they’re so expensive if your DH is buying them it’s like you’re paying half for his token gesture. I also hate all the faff that comes with flowers. When DS1 was born so many people brought me flowers. I was so overwhelmed with having a baby the last thing I wanted was caring for flowers, finding a home for them, throwing them out when they’re dead. I sound so ungrateful but it was like a gift of extra work!

Also - I do like flowers but outside, in gardens. Unless I was incredibly wealthy and someone else could take the faff out of having flowers in the house.

I can't be fuffed with flowers either. Only good thing is they're in the bin soon enough especially if you put the vase near a radiator 😉.

I don’t get how you ended up married but he doesn’t know this about you?

I suppose, in his clumsy way, he’s trying to say sorry. Not everyone can actually say the word “sorry” so apologise in different ways (eg flowers).

What I’m curious about, though, is how come your DH does not know you dislike flowers? Have you never told him you dislike flowers?

Why do you change the water every day?
I must be in the minority, but I love being given flowers and sorting them out is such a small thing to have to do (and, for me, no trouble at all).

How long have you been married and how long were you together before you married for him not to know your dislike of flowers? I think the problem lies with the (lack of) communication between the two of you rather than him reading a crystal ball to know you don’t like cheap flowers, even if it was meant as gesture on his behalf.
You sound like hard work TBH

Completely disagree that flowers are a lazy, thoughtless gift.

For you maybe. They are to a lot of us. They're just another chore.

A £40 bouquet is cheap flowers?

I don’t even own a vase! When I was given flowers after my mum died, I had to borrow vases from my neighbour. If I was to receive a gesture by way of apology, chocolates would be my choice.

Oh I didn’t read £40,, sorry, just saw corner shop flowers. But the principle re lack of communication remains

I haven’t read the whole thread, but just wanted to comment on all the ‘you have a communication problem’ and ‘how doesn’t he know’ comments you’ve received. My DH and I have been married, overall very happily, for 25 years. I’ve discovered I still don’t know what his favourite crisps are, because when he is buying, he will consider what our children or guests might prefer! So I’ve had to ask him directly (and now that I think of it I’ve also forgotten what he responded!).

in the same vein, I love receiving flowers from friends or guests, but not from my DH. Actually more specifically I dislike it intensely when he phones the florist in his office building to send me flowers and I see what it cost us! As OP said, so many things I’d rather spend that on than stiff looking flowers! I quite like when he occasionally just picks up a little bunch when grocery shopping, but it’s rare. Luckily he’s a fantastic husband in general and he cooks well.

I don’t even feel like I’ve made my point, sorry for this long ramble. I think my point is that you can be together happily and still not know many things about each other, particularly when both parties are trying to make the other happy! And how is that such a terrible thing?