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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ADHD!! What would you do??

110 replies

justabitnuts · 22/10/2025 16:00

Me and my partner have been communicating with the school and my ds9 is on waiting to be assessed for ADHD.
We have not told him, I don’t know if this is the right thing to do, but we feel as a family it would be best to wait for the assessment and then tell him if he does or not,
he came home today asking me if I have heard or “ADHD” I said yes and asked him why, he replied “the teacher said I might have it.
iv had to have a quick conversation with him that I am not ready or prepared for, before I go off to work…
now, I understand she might not know we haven't told him, however aibu to be absolutely fuming? Would you be?

OP posts:
FeetLikeFlippers · 24/10/2025 20:34

FunnyOrca · 23/10/2025 09:58

As a teacher, she should absolutely NOT have said that. I’ve had children in my class get diagnoses and their parents still haven’t told them immediately.

As teachers, we should always be following the child and family’s lead on sensitive topics like this.

I’m not a teacher but what you say is just common sense - I can’t believe 78% have voted that the OP is being unreasonable!

Lollipop81 · 24/10/2025 21:29

I would be absolutely fuming 😡 cannot understand why the teacher would think it is appropriate to be saying that to him. Especially as he doesn’t even have a diagnosis. You are completely reasonable and I would be asking to have a word with the teacher to ask her why she thought it would be appropriate. She isn’t a doctor.

sunshinemode · 24/10/2025 22:23

This isn't what you asked but it could speed things up for you if school think he had ADHD or if any screening questionnaires have been done for the referral that indicate the possibility of ADHD, you could ask your GP for an assessment under right to choose. If you google it, it will tell you what you need to do. Just be careful who you choose as not all assessments are equal.

Original poster
justabitnuts · 24/10/2025 22:26

sunshinemode · 24/10/2025 22:23

This isn't what you asked but it could speed things up for you if school think he had ADHD or if any screening questionnaires have been done for the referral that indicate the possibility of ADHD, you could ask your GP for an assessment under right to choose. If you google it, it will tell you what you need to do. Just be careful who you choose as not all assessments are equal.

Thank you

OP posts:
kimberleycowgirl · 24/10/2025 22:50

Look, honestly I get why you are annoyed at the teacher mentioning it when you had not broached the subject yourself and I obviously you know your own child and his reactions the best, but thinking of my own ADHD child I chose to be very open at an early stage of suspicion as the ADHD behaviours were on their way to affecting his sense of self quite negatively. It is estimated that an ADHD chuld
will receive 20,000 more negative messages than a neurotypical child by the age of 10- that doesn’t do great things to the self esteem and I would much rather have conversations with my child about his his brain is much faster than other peoples and while that’s amazing and a superpower, just like some people find it harder to learn to swim or ride a bike, he finds it harder to learn to sit and focus on school. He’s not bad, he just has different challenges

JJMama · 25/10/2025 08:11

Unless you’d explicitly asked the school not to say anything and they’ve gone against that, then YABU. How on earth would they know you’ve chosen to cover it up?

School staff wouldn’t keep it a secret or not mention it because it’s nothing to be ashamed of - more confusing is why wouldn’t you discuss it with your child?

Xmasxrackers · 25/10/2025 10:10

justabitnuts · 23/10/2025 13:51

To clarify I will tell him when it gets to having the assessment, however that could be 2 years away. He understands that his brain works differently, and it’s perfectly fine, but telling him he may have adhd when I’m not certain he does, is something I’m not willing to do.

But you have already said he knows his brain works differently. If it turns out he doesn’t have adhd how will you explain this to him? All the teacher has done is given it a name

lilkitten · 26/10/2025 16:20

I'm trying to remember what we did. I think it was year 4 when we had a chat with the teacher about DS, she suspected ADHD and we were unawares. Think we did discuss it with him, as once the assessment process started it was clear he was going to find out. He started being assessed in year 5, but with it being COVID it took until year 7 to complete all the assessments and to be diagnosed with autism. He wanted to know what it was all about, he was quite relieved to know that there might be an issue with him that would explain to school why he was the way he is.

Mcoco · 27/10/2025 11:15

JJMama · 25/10/2025 08:11

Unless you’d explicitly asked the school not to say anything and they’ve gone against that, then YABU. How on earth would they know you’ve chosen to cover it up?

School staff wouldn’t keep it a secret or not mention it because it’s nothing to be ashamed of - more confusing is why wouldn’t you discuss it with your child?

Staff cannot do this without a parents consent. They have messed up big time it's so bad!

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 28/10/2025 15:46

justabitnuts · 23/10/2025 15:55

But then waiting two years for the results for the x-ray, then tests take days, assessments for adhd take years
I think making a child wait for months maybe years is cruel.
I don’t want him thinking he might have ADHD for that long. Because it plays on his mind and he fixates on it.

Show quote history

Hyper fixation is a very common sign of ADHD.
From what I've read from you, your son does sound pretty standard ADHD.
I understand you wanting to learn more about it but nothing can really prepare you for the future things your child does/says, can/can't do.
As someone who has been diagnosed later in life, I feel there's no harm in him knowing that it's a possibility and you can both learn together.
There's a lot of support out there.
Good luck

@Mealy82

No they dont and this is a classic shit comment that comes from the ignorant up there with, "I think everyone's a bit ADHD". "It's becoming so common/popular these days".

We were ignored, misunderstood and miss/undiagnosed and now we've had babies and quelle surprise.... They're neurodiverse only they're getting diagnosed early because it can be done now; only when I/we were children we were seen as problem children/too much/odd/retarded.

But no, not every child is told they might have ADHD.

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