If you don't consider life admin to be a thing...

[ruethewhirl]

...then how do you mentally 'label' (so to speak) things like banking and official correspondence?

Not being goady here, genuinely curious. Not a TAAT as such, I see it stated so often on MN that there's 'no such thing' as life admin or the mental load (although I tend to assume the latter refers to slightly different things eg each partner doing their share of things like remembering birthdays, making sure the kids have clean clothes etc). Life admin-wise, part of why I'm bemused by this is that I have a lot of things to take care of in my life that I think definitely count as life admin - not only my own banking, but managing correspondence with my GP's surgery (I have multiple conditions) and also handling my mum's finances at her request (she has Alzheimer's) plus handling her general correspondence and sorting things out on the many occasions her care company drops the ball. 🙄 Oh, and chasing the vet/pet insurance company about insurance claims for our cats that seem to drag on for ever!

And then there are things like handling the correspondence if you switch banks or energy providers, complaining about poor service, managing quotes if you're getting home improvements done... what are these things if not life admin? What do you call them instead?

Is it really so insane to suggest that these types of activities warrant an umbrella term with which to refer to them? Presumably the vast majority of people have at least some of this kind of stuff to do in their day-to-day lives, so it puzzles me when people claim there's no such thing. (And if you're one of them, how do you refer to these tasks?)

YABU: There's no such thing as life admin
YANBU: Yes there is!

The 'mental load' even applies to things like being entirely responsible for arranging Christmas plans and for making sure his parents had a present.

But why on earth would it ever occur to you to do that? He's a grown adult, just let him get on with it.

Banking - I don’t get what ‘banking’ people are constantly doing that takes so much time.

This one completely befuddles me. This mysterious “banking” that needs to be done.

Yes, in ye olden days, when you had to balance cheque books, check whether cheques had been cashed, keep a track of your balance as a result, maybe actually go to the bank to pay in some cheques or cash or go to the cashpoint to withdraw cash for the week - fair enough, they’re errands that take time. But literally none of that has to be done any more and some of it hasn’t even been a thing for at least ten years.

My money gets paid in automatically, my bills come out automatically, if I need to pay for something in a shop I do it with my phone, so I don't even have to use a cashpoint any more and can't remember the last time I did. The most I have to do is keep an eye on my work bank account to make sure my clients have paid their monthly invoices, and the app even notifies me when one of them pays me (and I count this as work time anyway, not admin).

What on earth is this mythical “banking” that people are spending hours doing?

I dont label it or separate it out as a thing. It's just something that needs doing as part of being an adult.

Obviously you have more on your plate dealing with your parent, and I can see those with other caring responsibilities or sen children might have more, but I genuinely don't see how people make such a big deal of it. Ive got four kids, two dogs, two cats, I drive...'admin' tasks take such very little time. Maybe 20.mins top a week, including filling out school forms, parent pay, paying for school lunches, insurance stuff.

Agree, it’s a choice , a woman does not have to be “entirely responsible “ for her husband’s families stuff. I hate the female trope of oh he’s so useless it won’t get done if I don’t do it. It his mother doesn’t get a present how is it anything to do with her daughter in law?

sorry I am over reacting but it really pushes my buttons , probably because I had a martyring mother.

They're just things we need to do in order to live in the society we do. My mother certainly never called it 'life admin'. I really do hate the current trend to label absolutely everything.
Everyone has these chores in life, some more than others.
I do think it actually took less time in the past to just go the bank/post office/doctors etc, now you have to get through multiple online security or wait on hold for 40 minutes only to get cut off, and all the frustrations that come with that! I can walk to my doctor's quicker. Personally I feel technology has made our lives more difficult in many ways, and certainly more frustrating.

I have loads of life admin ( by which I mean everything that is not work and not housework and not fun!) I hate it. I have to think and plan for four people ( H with very poor executive thinking). Kids with their own needs too. I work full time and I find all the additional work for four people on top of working full time is just overwhelming.

I'm with you - it's just martyrdom.

It would never once have occurred to me to get DH's parents a present - just as he would never check to make sure I'd got my parents something - I mean, why on earth would he?

For sure there is stuff that needs to be done - accounts balanced, finances figured out and budgeting, housework and laundry, appointments for health, shopping, food prep, keeping an eye on kid's homework and screen time, mental health, etc.etc. - but this is really not a full time job and cannot be seen as equally onerous as having an actual job.

You just need to be efficient and use spreadsheets, electrical appliances, apps, online shopping etc. and arrange your life around it. It's normal adult life.

AIB, Irish bank.

This.

I don't spend hours but every few days I spend a few minutes entering what I have spent in a spreadsheet under categories. You know the endless threads about ' Will I be able to survive on x money a month?' I will never start one of those as I know exactly what I need to spend on what. I always know where I can cut back if I need and where I can spend more if I want.

During my divorce, subsequent house sale, name change etc I felt there was so much life admin I could not cope. Every single day I was chasing things on the phone and filling forms and checking things with my solicitor.

Now doing IVF I feel quite similar (and the road to get here).

When I read people talking about the 'life admin' and 'mental load' of arranging routine dental appointments, MOT, switching suppliers etc I do roll my eyes a bit.

Life admin is real but it's not always full on. The typical everyday stuff I just don't see as a massive job really - I used to get overwhelmed prior to my divorce but after handling all of that (it was a very contentious one) Ive been so happy not to be undergoing any legal battles that the day-to-day feels very easy to manage.

I wonder if some people remember things more easily than others and are very decisive. I have a huge amount of admin resulting mostly from kids’ schools and clubs and social lives. Things like responding to invitations and buying a birthday present, making sure they have the right kit, ordering school lunches etc etc. There are multiple things like this every day. For me the major issue is that I do all of it and my DP does none. Added to the fact that I struggle to remember it all. There’s a constant worry that I’ve missed a crucial deadline. So it’s not really the tasks themselves but the headspace they occupy.

My banking app does that for me.

I've gone from being time poor (lots of work) to time rich (less work) over the last 6 months and I'm definitely using some of that extra time to do more Life Admin, especially finance stuff which will save me money in the long term. I've researched different savings accounts and moved money around to get more interest. I've gone through months of bank statements to work out exactly where my money goes and used that to help with future pension planning (as well as leading me to cancel some subscriptions). I've researched different broadband/fibre providers. I've also developed an emergency folder of info (ranging from bank passwords to where my will is) so that in the event of something awful happening to me, my family can sort out my affairs.

I believe by the time I've given it a label & a time slot in my busy schedule, I generally done it!

I've just remembered something!

One of my children is Deaf (bilaterally aided) and wears glasses/contacts that require 6 monthly visits due to the rate of change in the prescription.

The other one is ND.

Both required hospital visits, meetings at school etc when they were children.

I'm aware some people's children will have far greater needs than mine did/do but even that wasn't particularly onerous.

I just hadn't remembered because they're both adults now and largely manage themselves.

My daughter is 200 miles away at university now and I don't consider visiting her or taking her stuff back up to her new accommodation after the summer to be 'life admin' either.

It's generally just something I need to do on [insert day of the week].

I think some people make it harder than it needs to be.

But that applies to all other household tasks as well, surely? I think I'm just not sure why the 'life admin/mental load' thing is being specifically singled out for criticism re. partners not pulling their weight.

Tbf I think none of us go to the doctor unless we're unwell (monitoring of ongoing conditions aside, if applicable)... 🤔

It's all of those thinfs,being thought of and done by one person all the time. Or another person who never thinks of the occasional things (like immunisatioms, or the children outgrowing clothes or shoes they only need occasionally)

The think it's another one of things that (largely) women blow out of all proportion in order to oppress ourselves. cf menopause, mental load, performance parenting, school run behaviour. It gets talked up into a frenzy and before you know it it feels crippling. Like thinking how big your tongue is while lying awake at 3am. (do not recommend).

Yes, we could just occasionally pay a bill, or change mobile phone network or book a boiler servicer. Or (yay!) we could build it up until the task is an absolute monster, bonus points if we can load it with some resentment about other people not pulling their weight. To be sure, we all have patches in our life when there is more to arrange (elderly parents/ divorce/ sick children/ complicated house moves). But most of the time, for most people, the term does not add value.

This thread reminded me I needed to book a dentist appointment. So I rang them and I have a book booked for next Thursday. It again took 5mins 😂

I can't ❤️ react to this enough.

So, so true.

Are you sure you spent enough time thinking about it first, though?

Why do they need to be labelled? They are just things you need to do.