If you don't consider life admin to be a thing...

[ruethewhirl]

...then how do you mentally 'label' (so to speak) things like banking and official correspondence?

Not being goady here, genuinely curious. Not a TAAT as such, I see it stated so often on MN that there's 'no such thing' as life admin or the mental load (although I tend to assume the latter refers to slightly different things eg each partner doing their share of things like remembering birthdays, making sure the kids have clean clothes etc). Life admin-wise, part of why I'm bemused by this is that I have a lot of things to take care of in my life that I think definitely count as life admin - not only my own banking, but managing correspondence with my GP's surgery (I have multiple conditions) and also handling my mum's finances at her request (she has Alzheimer's) plus handling her general correspondence and sorting things out on the many occasions her care company drops the ball. 🙄 Oh, and chasing the vet/pet insurance company about insurance claims for our cats that seem to drag on for ever!

And then there are things like handling the correspondence if you switch banks or energy providers, complaining about poor service, managing quotes if you're getting home improvements done... what are these things if not life admin? What do you call them instead?

Is it really so insane to suggest that these types of activities warrant an umbrella term with which to refer to them? Presumably the vast majority of people have at least some of this kind of stuff to do in their day-to-day lives, so it puzzles me when people claim there's no such thing. (And if you're one of them, how do you refer to these tasks?)

YABU: There's no such thing as life admin
YANBU: Yes there is!

Or you can just not do it. With the school forms, I find the school will contact you if it's something important like a trip and, if it's not, it's fine to drop the ball on it.

I told my husband when the kids started school that he could deal with the forms and to my knowledge he's not done a single one and the sky hasn't fallen in yet.

Our older child has started bringing us stuff to sign for school and remembering his own stuff on own clothes/Christmas jumper days. He also organises his own homework now since the teacher had a word with him about it not getting done. So if any of the school stuff is important, he'll pick it up.

Likewise, if you don't pay important bills on time, chances are someone will contact you about it. There's very rarely any need to stress.

Dentists appointments don't need to be every 6 months.

You don't need to buy and wrap birthday presents, a tenner in an old envelope is fine.

A lot of this stuff can just go by the wayside.

OK so why was i and many other single women/ parents capable of doing this stuff without bring overwhelmed if it all needs to be shared?

Being the only adult and doing it for yourself and children feels less overwhelming than another adult just not doing it. I wouldn't mind feeding the cat every morning if I was on my own with a cat. but if DH got up, breezed past the kitchen and didn't do it, it would feel like a task for me which would feel like a load.

I think some women use it as a excuse to not work once they have kids etc.

Why on earth should they work two jobs? One paid and one unpaid.

@Plinkers explained why - clearly I thought.

I think we're starting to come full circle on this one. Although it certainly was at one point, I don't think 'the hustle' is aspirational anymore. I'm often being told by people that I have a lot on my plate, that I need to rest more - I don't feel that way at all! Most of the time I don't have any trouble managing what I have to do and I feel I get plenty of rest. I often hear people invoking others to slow down and not take on so much. I don't remember that going back a few years. I also regularly see posts on social media glorifying resting and chilling out, whereas in the past one I particularly remember appearing often was something like 'the reward for hard work well done is the opportunity to do more hard work'. Yuk. I think we're more in a phase of competitive zen-ness - except maybe on Mumsnet.

My almost 4 year old is disabled and has a lot of appointments. Physiotherapy every week plus others in between at certain times of year. The part that takes up all my time is actually taking her to the appointments, which I wouldn't call "life admin". Arranging the appointments maybe but most of that happens automatically. She has an x-ray next week - at her appointment 6 months ago the doctor said "We'll do another x-ray in 6 months time". A few weeks later a letter arrived with an appointment for an x-ray followed by consultation with the doctor. All I had to do was add the date to the calendar. Dealing with invalidity insurance (mostly applying to get things approved) is admin. The specialists do most of the work there luckily, we just get sent something to sign. I'd just label all of that "disability-related stuff" if I had to since only part of it is actually"admin". If I include dentist appointments and regular paediatrician checkups that all children here have (I live abroad) I'd say "child name's health stuff". We also have a 5-week old now but she will hopefully be less complicated 😅. But if I include her regular check ups it's kids' health stuff.

We've recently signed the newborn up for nursery starting next year - that's admin I guess. Tomorrow I have to hand in the form for the older one to attend the nursery Halloween party - that's admin, but buying her costume (which we did on Saturday) is shopping, not admin. That can all be lumped under the umbrella of "nursery stuff" - along with remembering new spare clothes or nappies/wipes (she isn't toilet trained due to her disability). Letting nursery know when she'll be picked up early for appointments (I write them a list for the month) is nursery-related and disability-related, but kids' stuff either way.

Taxes, paying bills are admin. We don't own a car and we live in a rented apartment so gutters aren't my problem 😅. Making sure kids have clean clothes... so doing laundry? That comes under housework, not admin. Sorting out the outgrown clothes isn't really admin either - it can go under kids' stuff. Remembering to buy nappies is pretty much the same as remembering to buy toilet roll or bin bags. If other people people want to label all the things I've listed "admin" who am I to argue? It's all needs doing no matter what you call it!

Mental load = remembering all of those things need doing (thank you Google calendar for keeping track of all the appointments!). I don't think I've ever actually referred to the "mental load" out loud though.

You’ve just outsourced your responsibility to someone else though. They’re still got to be done.

The teacher now has to spend time chasing you because you can’t be bothered to fill out a permission slip.

Miss enough important bills on time and you’ll find your credit score is impacted.

Your poor child has a teacher that is fully aware that his parents leave him to sort out his own schooling. The #1 predictor of educational attainment is having involved, supportive parents.

All my dc’s school payments and permission slips are done through the apps now! I assumed this was standard! Paper slips etc, entering the school, calling the school is something i rarely do! Unless I need to speak to a teacher etc and even that I ca do through a message service on the app for ds’s school. It’s great!

Yes I do. I've been on MN long enough to know people see being busy as a moral virtue

Once a year I shop around for insurance, and every week I move money into a bills account. I do a ‘big shop’ roughly every 10 days, and have meals mainly on rotation that we like, and will branch out into something else only if I feel like it. 4 loads of washing a week. Dentist every 6 months for me and 1 child, GP if sick. I do believe the term is overused, as most items on it aren’t daily, and this that are take no more than a couple of hours, meal prep, washing, and tidying up/ cleaning. I feel it’s very overused for many tasks which are intermittent and usually automated.

They also exclude from their lists all the jobs outside the front door often done by her OH! After my husband died I found that putting up the outside lights for Christmas was a bloody cold, miserable job and don't get me started on chopping wood!

They do seem to. I can't relate personally, I'm happiest when there's not too much going on and I'm able to have more downtime.

I don't feel I need to label jobs like that, it's all so quick and easy to do now.

For example:

I have my direct debits set to leave my bank account on the first of the month, it takes seconds to check they've gone out. I then log into my accounts first thing in the morning whilst I'm having my cup of tea to ensure nothing fraudulent has happened. I'll move money around as and when it's needed, again by the app.

Doctors appointments for me or dc, I do that as and when one is needed. My GP surgery has an app and I request an appointment and wait for one to be sent. Dentist appointments are booked before we leave the dental surgery - the same with hairdressers, barbers and my nail salon.

I get emails when any insurances are due to end. I log into Compare the Market etc which doesn't take long as all details are stored and it's a quick check and either pay a new company and cancel the new one, or leave it as it is.

Every Friday I log into Parentpay and give consent, pay for trips or lunches (youngest dc on packed lunches now so that job has finished for a while).

School newsletters come in on a Friday and anything that needs input from me, or a trip, special lunch etc gets written down in the diary.

Every evening I check my diary for the next week. My diary comes everywhere and everything is written down as soon as I know about it.

I'd say my 'admin' takes 10 minutes a week, if that and doesn't take enough time to warrant a name.

I feel like it's a thing. Work full time so not one of those who says they can't work when kids are in school. Always something to be done, sorting out presents for parties, arranging playdates homework,brownies homework, looking at holidays, pets,school stuff. My husband is quite handy so always researching how to fix stuff and also we have solar panels and batteries and he's always fiddling about with the settings to optimise return depending on the weather- saves us a lot of money and keeps him happy 🤣.

Some people absolutely do attempt to make out they're busier than anyone else. I'm on a committee for a sports club with such a person, and to hear her speak you would think she was the only one with a career, kids doing different activities (despite this being a club for kids, and we're all parents of kids in the club) and any number of other commitments.

For me it is the headspace it all takes up - I have a to do list that reads like this

• return parcel to post office
• order Halloween costumes for kids
• book ballet exam and check if new shoes/ leotard needed
• secondary school application, check it has been submitted properly
• pay gardener when bill arrives (chase bill?)
• check whether parking ticket appeal was successful

I put stuff off and then it becomes urgent - if I just did the thing rather than just thinking about the thing I am pretty sure my life admin wouldn't feel so bad. I have been thinking about those Halloween costumes for two weeks now....

But there's no such thing as "life admin", according to some people. And those who describe this stuff as work are just making a fuss.

If this stuff isn't "work" and it's just part of being an adult, then I don't need to do it, do I?

Last time I looked, I'm still an adult.

I take it you're not applying 'Dentists appointments don't need to be every 6 months' to your kids as well, though?

To me it’s just general admin I’m always confused by the amount of of time people recon they have to devote to it
things like house or car insurance is literally a 15 minute task every 12months
most phone and energy companies are 2year contracts
to renew my ISA took 10 minutes tops

yet it’s as though some people have hours and hours of mental loads and admin tasks

Its just boring things that need doing

those who go on about how stressed they are with life admin are usually stressed about something that most others juts get on with

I suppose it depends on your own circumstances but I probably contact my GP once every couple of years, I dont need to do any banking its all online. Vets, dentist, insurances etc all online and takes a few minutes. I dont consider the need to label any of this its just part of life.

I mean, to be honest, I don’t really do anything with my car insurance that often. I go through a broker they send me an offer,I ring them up, see if they have a better offer and if not I just go with it. There is a little point in me going online to try and figure out another offer because usually there’s some sort of clause or something that I don’t understand. Do in theory the broker does it for me.

This thread is starting to sound like all the WFH threads or that weird how often/long do you shower thread to me.

Why is it so hard for some people to understand/believe that other people often have a very different life and life experience to their own.

Some people have a lot of admin to deal with on a day to day basis because they have a more complicated family or are responsible for extra family members, or are dealing with specific organizations which create a lot of paperwork.

For my experience I’m not calling it ‘life admin’ - I’m calling it admin and it’s anything related to writing, phoning, filling out forms or dealing with things on a computer. And in my personal life I have an hour or more of it a day 3-5 days a week.

I guess if you all know people in real life who have exactly the same set up as yourself with no extra responsibilities and are constantly moaning about life admin the it must be annoying - but I’ve never met anyone like that in real life.