Page 11 | Kids in care

Marie299 · 2025-10-21T23:57:33+00:00

My daughter is 9 and does not want to see me I don’t know what reason is but I have been told that it’s due to different reasons. It’s been two years since I’ve proper seen her and she’s on a SGO with grand parents and theys a court order stating my contact with her should be every 6 weeks which has not been happening. When I have been on the phone to her she’s been asking when she can see me and then a few weeks down the line she does not want to speak to me or see me. Just finding things very strange I have spoken to her grand parent about this and they not really saying much other then my daughter is doing therapy play but how can my bond with her even build when I am not invited to these things either. I don’t know what to do I’m in the middle on going to court or just waiting it out but it’s been two years and worried that if I do nothing then my bond with her will never be fixed. need advice

Mollypollyholly · 23/10/2025 16:35

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 23/10/2025 15:54

Idiot comment it's very easy for social services to use anything only people like you think they don't lie and twist things and family courts Always side with the bullshit you also should educate yourself and look at the quota for removing children for money

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some people just won’t get it I have a friend who grew up in care with a similar story to op, social services are a lot harder on ex care children as it’s assumed they’re too traumatised to parent properly. I wasn’t even in care but when social services wrote up a report on me and my eldest baby (because I was under 16 at the beginning of my pregnancy) they felt fit to mention my father drank too much when I was a young g child (this had absolutely no relevancy and must of came from their records!)
Imagine how much worse it is for someone who was actually in care!

I had a child at 16 and one in my twenties so can personally attest you’re treated a lot differently if you’re young too

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 23/10/2025 19:19

Mollypollyholly · 23/10/2025 16:35

some people just won’t get it I have a friend who grew up in care with a similar story to op, social services are a lot harder on ex care children as it’s assumed they’re too traumatised to parent properly. I wasn’t even in care but when social services wrote up a report on me and my eldest baby (because I was under 16 at the beginning of my pregnancy) they felt fit to mention my father drank too much when I was a young g child (this had absolutely no relevancy and must of came from their records!)
Imagine how much worse it is for someone who was actually in care!

I had a child at 16 and one in my twenties so can personally attest you’re treated a lot differently if you’re young too

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But it is relevant. My mom was 15 when she had me and I was removed. Her father was an alcoholic. She had no parenting skills.

At 19 & 21 she had my siblings who were removed later on.

If you grow up in care you are at a disadvantage when it comes to effective parenting. Trauma literally changes the brain.

It’s not about kids in care not being able to be parents, it’s about them breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect.

Having a child when you are still a child is a huge red flag.

My sisters oldest was removed for the first year as well, and she got herself together and got her daughter back.

This is about protecting children.

Nameychangington · 23/10/2025 19:31

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 23/10/2025 15:54

Idiot comment it's very easy for social services to use anything only people like you think they don't lie and twist things and family courts Always side with the bullshit you also should educate yourself and look at the quota for removing children for money

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Please provide any evidence whatsoever that children are removed for money, or to meet a quota.

Removing children costs the state money, in social workers time writing reports and doing visits, in court time for the making of orders, in legal fees to solicitors and barristers for the court case, in paying foster carers to car efor the children while all that goes on. It costs a fortune.

I have 2 adopted children, the cost to the state of the exceptional amount of court time it took for their adoption to be finalised (with the state paying for solicitors and barristers for both the children and the birth parents separately, plus paying for CAFCASS and guardian ad litem) was easily over £1 million. Let alone the cost of social workers time, police time, paying for the foster placement they were in while proceedings went on, the cost of separate contact sessions at a contact centre for each birth parent, of psych reports on birth parents, cost of failed kinship assessments on family members etc etc etc.

Taking children into care costs a lot of money, it doesn't make money, how would it?

ForTipsyFinch · 23/10/2025 19:35

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 23/10/2025 19:19

But it is relevant. My mom was 15 when she had me and I was removed. Her father was an alcoholic. She had no parenting skills.

At 19 & 21 she had my siblings who were removed later on.

If you grow up in care you are at a disadvantage when it comes to effective parenting. Trauma literally changes the brain.

It’s not about kids in care not being able to be parents, it’s about them breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect.

Having a child when you are still a child is a huge red flag.

My sisters oldest was removed for the first year as well, and she got herself together and got her daughter back.

This is about protecting children.

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The fact that nothing has been done to address children’s trauma is a huge part of the problem - and often the system itself actively traumatises people. The children who were removed often become adults who have their own children removed and so the cycle continues. I know you will probably say this is due to personal factors, but when it’s such an ingrained, repeated societal wide pattern the answer is usually linked to system factors.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 23/10/2025 19:38

Nameychangington · 23/10/2025 19:31

Please provide any evidence whatsoever that children are removed for money, or to meet a quota.

Removing children costs the state money, in social workers time writing reports and doing visits, in court time for the making of orders, in legal fees to solicitors and barristers for the court case, in paying foster carers to car efor the children while all that goes on. It costs a fortune.

I have 2 adopted children, the cost to the state of the exceptional amount of court time it took for their adoption to be finalised (with the state paying for solicitors and barristers for both the children and the birth parents separately, plus paying for CAFCASS and guardian ad litem) was easily over £1 million. Let alone the cost of social workers time, police time, paying for the foster placement they were in while proceedings went on, the cost of separate contact sessions at a contact centre for each birth parent, of psych reports on birth parents, cost of failed kinship assessments on family members etc etc etc.

Taking children into care costs a lot of money, it doesn't make money, how would it?

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I think that there has been alot is misreporting / misrepresentation about the concept of quotas and alleged financial incentives around adoption, and the picture isn't clear.

This article and the link therein may be of some interest:

https://www.communitycare.co.uk/2016/11/28/my-child-was-nearly-adopted-and-here-is-why-adoption-targets-scary/

My child was nearly adopted – here’s why adoption targets are wrong

A mother who went through care proceedings reacts to findings about adoption targets in local authorities

https://www.communitycare.co.uk/2016/11/28/my-child-was-nearly-adopted-and-here-is-why-adoption-targets-scary/

Mollypollyholly · 23/10/2025 20:03

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 23/10/2025 19:19

But it is relevant. My mom was 15 when she had me and I was removed. Her father was an alcoholic. She had no parenting skills.

At 19 & 21 she had my siblings who were removed later on.

If you grow up in care you are at a disadvantage when it comes to effective parenting. Trauma literally changes the brain.

It’s not about kids in care not being able to be parents, it’s about them breaking the cycle of abuse and neglect.

Having a child when you are still a child is a huge red flag.

My sisters oldest was removed for the first year as well, and she got herself together and got her daughter back.

This is about protecting children.

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im Sorry that happened to you, in my situation it wasn’t relevant though I was mature for my age and my father wasn’t a fully fledged alcoholic he just drank too much and my parents divorced when I was about 5. I also moved out when I was 16 so my parents were irrelevant to the situation. I kept my baby btw but I’m aware it only takes one particularly nasty professional to take a disliking to you and make your life hell.

My friend grew up in care and says the same thing happened to her as the op.

Also I admit I haven’t read all the ops posts on here and she may genuinely be a terrible parent for all I know I’m just saying it’s true ex care parents have harder scrutiny from social services. For the posters who deny that’s a thing

AzureStaffy · 24/10/2025 14:27

Shakeyourwammyfannyfunkysong · 23/10/2025 10:10

As the parent of an adopted child I think you need to stop talking such rubbish. There are children in care who will read this shit every day on the internet and it's just going to make them even more messed up. No child is removed simply because their parent was in care themselves or sexually abused themselves. It may be noted in their assessment because it is relevant. Unfortunately abused children are statistically more likely to be abusive adults. However there still needs to be the same evidence of inadequate parenting before removing a child can be justified. Please stop talking such utter crap because there may be vulnerable and impressionable people reading your crap.

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It isn't crap or rubbish.