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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on a day out tomorrow and not tell anyone?

72 replies

takeadaytomyself2025 · 21/10/2025 18:14

I have a day off tomorrow that was unexpected news today. Everything is in place tomorrow for me working. Childcare and dh leaving work so he can pick up the kids from school. If I tell dh I what is basically a free day off tomorrow. He will rightly say no breakfast club ( to save money as we pay per day ) and he can stay at work instead of finishing off at home. I know that is fair enough but I never get a day to myself. I want go on train tomorrow to my favourite place and walk about, eat lunch in my favourite cafe and enjoy myself with no rush or children at my feet. Time just for me.
Its something that will do me good but I dont know if I can as I do feel guilty 😕

OP posts:
Greenqueen40 · 21/10/2025 18:16

Why are you even asking?? Obviously just do it

BigBilly · 21/10/2025 18:18

Definitely do it, and don't feel guilty just enjoy it!

namechange3651 · 21/10/2025 18:19

I do this, but I don’t have a DH so I guess I’m not hiding it from anyone 😂 Absolutely do it, the best thing for my mental health. Bonus points if you find a cute stationery shop or fancy indie chocolate shop on you wanders for (private and personal) mementos :P

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/10/2025 18:19

If the guilty feeling will bother you can’t you just do it while the kids are at school? It doesn’t sound like you NEED to save that breakfast club money though so I’d just sneak off and enjoy your day out if I were you.

user1476613140 · 21/10/2025 18:19

Wish mine were back at school, they're still off for October break (back next week!).

Definitely get away and say nothing tomorrow! You've got to take these opportunities when they come your way.

Topbird29 · 21/10/2025 18:19

Just do it! You have my permission.
A carefree day of only making decisions for yourself, and having someone else sort lunch will be good for you.

Tiuriwiththewhiteshield · 21/10/2025 18:20

Would you be able to tell your dh you would really appreciate a day to yourself, and keep arrangements in place?
I’d not lie to dh about it but just talk openly.

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 21/10/2025 18:20

Does he also get a day to himself? Would you be furious if you found out he done this to you?

If he also gets a day to himself I’d do it, but if not I think it’s unfair, I would still be doing it but let him know and to arrange a day for himself where you will then do everything.

SallyD00lally · 21/10/2025 18:21

I hate liars.

Imagine if your DH asked how your day at work was and you said 'Yeah, fine'.

Then someone tells him 'Oh, I saw your wife at X place the other day'.

You need to just tell him you really need a day to yourself and that's what you'll be doing tomorrow.

NugsNotDrugs · 21/10/2025 18:21

That is absolutely fair enough but I wouldn’t lie about it.
Your happiness and wellbeing is very important!

Krakinou · 21/10/2025 18:23

Voted YANBU because I totally get where you’re coming from and would be tempted to do the same. But I think you should tell your DH and give him the chance to step up. If he’s a decent partner he’ll understand that you need the break and support you by sticking the normal arrangement. It’s not inconveniencing him since it’s his pick-up evening anyway.

If he’s shitty about it… well, that’s his problem. Go enjoy your day anyway. And afterwards have a conversation about how you can get some me-time because it sounds like you need it.

If the situation was reversed would you support him?

Arlanymor · 21/10/2025 18:23

I think that everyone needs a break from time to time, so no problems there. However I would put myself in his shoes - how would you feel if he took a day and hadn't mentioned it to you? What would happen if there was an emergency with one of the children - he would inevitably find out that you weren't at work.

While I totally sympathise with your plans - and I would want to do the same - I don't think that any deceit... however small... is good for a marriage. If you've only just found out then I think it's fine to say that because everything is in place as usual for tomorrow that you really want to take that time for yourself. Surely if you can afford breakfast club then he wouldn't begrudge you taking some much-needed time to yourself? If you can work it around school hours then it would seem perfectly reasonable to me.

childofthe607080s · 21/10/2025 18:25

Can’t you manage to have a fair amount of time to head into town and then get home for the kids - suggest breakfast club as normal as part of your treat - and share with DH as he should be happy for you

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 18:29

how would you feel if your DH did the same?

I am all in favour of taking a day off for yourself, I don't agree with becoming a martyr once you have children, but I don't think lying is a good idea.

It's a bad relationship if you can't ask him to come home and basically do you a favour, once in a while, because you have the chance of a day off. You should take turn, not hide it.

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2025 18:33

I'm struggling to see what there is to feel guilty about, tbh, OP.

It's something I'd have done without even thinking about it! Do it and have a lovely day.

searchforthesun · 21/10/2025 18:33

If I found out my DH has done this and left me rushing to do the school pick up I’d be really annoyed.
do you have enough time in the school day? If not, pay for breakfast club but do the school pick up. Or ask your DH and see if he is ok with still picking up. I wouldn’t lie.

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 18:37

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2025 18:33

I'm struggling to see what there is to feel guilty about, tbh, OP.

It's something I'd have done without even thinking about it! Do it and have a lovely day.

imagine the uproar if a poster starts a thread saying she thought her husband was at work, when he sneaked out to play golf all day instead, and left her deal with work and kids.

I am struggling to see how either way would be right, whether it's wife or husband not being truthful.

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2025 18:39

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 18:29

how would you feel if your DH did the same?

I am all in favour of taking a day off for yourself, I don't agree with becoming a martyr once you have children, but I don't think lying is a good idea.

It's a bad relationship if you can't ask him to come home and basically do you a favour, once in a while, because you have the chance of a day off. You should take turn, not hide it.

Sometimes it's just nice to go an do something on your own without involving or telling anyone else..

I used to like the quiet headspace of not having to ask or agree or discuss with anyone else. Just being and doing.

CoastalCalm · 21/10/2025 18:40

Deffo do it ! I have every Wednesday off and it makes such a difference having a mental break mid week

SallyD00lally · 21/10/2025 18:41

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2025 18:39

Sometimes it's just nice to go an do something on your own without involving or telling anyone else..

I used to like the quiet headspace of not having to ask or agree or discuss with anyone else. Just being and doing.

Show quote history

Sometimes it's just nice to go an do something on your own without involving or telling anyone else..

It's not nice to lie to your husband or wife about where you've been all day.

Especially if they're likely to ask how your day at work went.

warmhands · 21/10/2025 18:41

I do it all the time when i want but im single and childless.

If i had a partner and kids id have to tell the truth i dont like lies.
I mean you still have all day the kids are at school.
How would you feel if he did it to you.
Or maybe get spotted by someone that works with your husband this happened to may friend.

But this is mumsnet most will say go do it and keep your mouth shut but if he dose it kick im out for lieing i think thats how it goes on here.

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/10/2025 18:46

What would your feelings be of dh did this?

If you would be totally fine with him doing the same then crack on, although I do think you should be honest and tell him

However, if you would feel negative about him having a secret day off and you needing to pick up the school run when he could do it if having a day off, then yabu and should offer to have your "me time" between breakfast club and school run.

GreyCarpet · 21/10/2025 18:48

ThisGentleRaven · 21/10/2025 18:37

imagine the uproar if a poster starts a thread saying she thought her husband was at work, when he sneaked out to play golf all day instead, and left her deal with work and kids.

I am struggling to see how either way would be right, whether it's wife or husband not being truthful.

Show quote history

Yes, I can imagine the uproar.

Maybe the husband only finishes work once a week to pick up the children. Maybe he enjoys this time with them.

Maybe the OP is run ragged and could just use a bit of time to herself. Maybe she just wants to do it without having to wrangle.with her husband about whether the children go to breakfast club or not and whether he finishes work early.that day or not and maybe she doesn't want her day off filled with more domestic duty. Or to cut her day short so he stays at work a bit longer instead of coming home and being a dad.

Believe me, I'm usually right up there with an "imagine if the sexes were reversed" type response but, on this occasion, she shouldn't have to negotiate a day of peace. This is just a small gift to herself where she doesn't have to consider anyone but herself.

And it doesn't sound like it happens very often.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 21/10/2025 18:49

You should absolutely be able to have a day to yourself, but your DH should want you to have some time to yourself.

RoseInBloome7 · 21/10/2025 18:50

Do it ! I’ve done exactly the same when DS was young x