To go on a day out tomorrow and not tell anyone?

[takeadaytomyself2025]

I have a day off tomorrow that was unexpected news today. Everything is in place tomorrow for me working. Childcare and dh leaving work so he can pick up the kids from school. If I tell dh I what is basically a free day off tomorrow. He will rightly say no breakfast club ( to save money as we pay per day ) and he can stay at work instead of finishing off at home. I know that is fair enough but I never get a day to myself. I want go on train tomorrow to my favourite place and walk about, eat lunch in my favourite cafe and enjoy myself with no rush or children at my feet. Time just for me.
Its something that will do me good but I dont know if I can as I do feel guilty 😕

Just do it. You probably deserve it !

I know you shouldn't need to lie to your dh bit what if a dh makes a big deal of it and there is a fight about your day off.

Having to fight or explain about the day off would ruin it. You would feel wrung out, tearful and guilty.

I do this twice a year. Dh doesn't need a day off as he doesn't have to organise every single thing at home. If I told him, he would make me feel guilty for not continuing to run around after dcs while working fulltime.

Plenty of goody goodys on this site would ensure no one got a day off, ever.

That sounds like the best outcome...you will enjoy your day a lot more knowing you are not lying and sneaking around.

You should pay for nursery and have the day, but not exploit what DH was offering to do to share the load.

He doesn't need to rush to finish and pick them up, so don't make him just so you can extend your free afternoon. I don't know anyone who'd be happy to find out their partner was selfishly having a great time and relying on having manipulated a situation where they were the ones having to struggle more than necessary to facilitate.

Edited as crossposted - I see you'd already taken this into account while I was typing!

💯 do it and enjoy it , you deserve it.

You'll enjoy it so much more now you've been up front about it 🙂
Have a great time

I find it odd people want to be so secretive. Good you've told.

I do this once a month. I have 1 free day (8hrs) that I go get my hair done, or go eat in a nice restaurant or go to cinema, whatever. My other half knows about it and encourages it. This month im getting my hair done and Im also going to sit in my room and watch television in peace. It hasn't been turned on in a while.

I once worked with a guy who didn't tell his wife he'd gone part time.. she'd send him out with his packed lunch and he'd sit in the park waiting for the pub to open, where he'd sit reading the paper all day. No idea how long he kept that up for! I wouldn't feel guilty about taking one day!

It's the fact you feel like you have to hide it that's the issue for me. If your partner was doing the same, would you be ok with it? If he often gets days like this, why shouldn't you?
If he doesn't, and you'd be angry the other way round, that's more of an issue.
If money's tight, can't you just do the drop off/pick up and have the rest of the day to yourself?

Do it! I used to do the same sometimes when mine were very young. I'd go to the cinema amd have lunch on my own. I know my DH would never have minded but there was also something lovely about having a secret. In hindsight its probably because I felt guilty about it. I only did it maybe twice but I smile when I think about it.

Do it OP, you deserve it but tell your husband

Did she not notice less money coming in?

Absolutely no idea! This was going on 20 years ago. Barely spoke to the guy. He was a quiet older chap, wouldn't have expected it but could see it when he told us! He'd been doing it for months then!

I wouldn't feel guilty for taking the day. But I'd feel a bit ashamed of myself if I took it through deceit rather than just asserting myself with my partner and telling him that's what I was doing. If he'd really begrudge you this and put up barriers so you feel you need to lie, that's not a great way to live.

I think I liked the thought of doing something exciting and only me knowing about it. I feel less excited about tomorrow now even though its more or less the same as before.

I do this a lot, I end up at some real random places.
Enjoy your day.

it might be nice, but you can't do that once you have decided to have children I am afraid. It doesn't work like that.

what are you on about?

it's not about negotiating, it's about not dumping the kids and lying to your partner. I have read the OP's update, she's not doing that at all anyway.

This is just a small gift to herself where she doesn't have to consider anyone but herself.
when you have young children, it's not an option.

No one is saying she can't have a day off, but there's something very wrong if you don't work as a team. And yes, when the other has to plan their working day around you, you do ASK, at least speak

Don't have kids if you have that selfish attitude. nothing wrong with wanting to be independent and free, nothing at all, but don't have kids.

That's great! Both of you benefit now. Enjoy every minute!

Not unreasonable to want day to yourself. Unreasonable to want to lie to your husband about it.

So, how was it??