Feeling guilty at selling Jewellery

[crazydoglover]

My late Dh worked in far East for many years.
we had good life, travelled till I had DS (now an adult. )
I am a year from retirement, we live in an older house that I’ve no intent on leaving unless in a box Ds lives at home
But it needs fair bit doing to it, as Dh passed away 12 years now so I’ve worked part time till son left uni. Sort of overlooked repairs to house . Here’s the thing, Dh bought me lots of jewellery over the 20 years we had together, and now I think it’s time to sell most of it, as the insurance is ££££ and when I am on pension money will be less than now.
I will keep few bits I love. But I’ve never worn most of it. Another family member my sis says I am dishonouring Dh memory but I got no Dd to leave it to .
I know Sis thinks I should give it her, she is a walking jewel shop!

But I will need the money , I’ve had it valued at 2 places and honestly was astonished at the value . You could buy a new car with it!
So I want to sell. Invest most of it in safe place to give a income
Sis is making right row out of it. Wish I had never said anything. Do I go ahead. Whatever she thinks. Ds don’t care. I got his dads things on side for him
opinion please

Op your dh sounds fabulous and like you had a great life together and plenty of romance.
if I was you I would only value the opinion of my children. If you are wanting to then give her a very small item as a keepsake but this is your decision. A partner who showered his other half with such romantic gifts would surely want security and peace of mind for her. He sounds like such a lovely man.

What have you done wrong to feel guilty about?

Nothing.

Just because your sister is a greedy bitch who thinks she can guilt you and nag you into giving it to her doesn't mean you should. Your husband bought that while thinking of you and for you and he certainly wouldn't like you giving it to your pig sister when you could use the money from its sale for your security.

She's way out of her lane trying to get things he bought for you with his hard work.

Time to distance and grey rock her if she's this entitled to your things.

She just wants you to give it to her?

Surely she can pay you the value in a lump and if she can't then tough noogie. You know your husband will want you to be comfortable.

Your sister sounds very jealous of your lovely jewellery OP. Your DH bought it for you because he loves you. Who knows perhaps he knew one day you might need it. You are keeping a few special bits. Sell the rest and raise a glass to your DH for making your retirement a bit more comfortable.

@crazydoglover jewlery sotting in a box does not pay the bills. Ignore your grabby sister and sell the jewlery.

What you do with it has nothing to do with your sister. There is no point it being kept in a draw, so keep your most treasured pieces incase you have grand daughters in the future, and sell the rest and enjoy the proceeds how you choose.

Its your personal jewellery, what has it got to do with her. Do as you please with it and dont feel obliged to explain ypurself

I’m sorry for your loss.

In my friends culture she was given jewellery on her wedding day from family members as a sort of investment for a rainy day incase she needed money.

I would look at it as how lovely your husband gave you something that you can use to help your future. I bet he would have preferred you to be more comfortable than have this jewellery stashed away.

You have no reason to feel guilt and it’s none of your sister’s business. She’s certainly not entitled to any of it.

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If you don’t need the money immediately, you should hold off for a little bit. Also shop around for the right dealer. Pressman, Betts etc.

I recently sold jewellery, on a very much smaller scale, which has been gifted to me in the last couple of years.
I felt a minute of guilt, as they were gifts, but the money is being spent on experiences I will enjoy - which is much better than a piece of jewellery sat in a drawer.

You can't take it with you.

Go ahead and sell it. Never mind your grabbing sis.
When my DH was alive he bought be lots of jewellery always gold on my birthday, Christmas , anniversary and Valentine’s Day. As well as finding lots on beaches as his hobby was metal detecting. You’d never believe the jewellery people lose on beaches. I had thousands of pounds worth.
I agonised for a while on what to do as he’d left me with a three year old DD to bring up

He was the sort of person who would have said it’s doing no good in a drawer.
i sold it in the end and had enough for my DDs birthdays and Christmases for a few years until she was old enough so that I could get a job.
It enabled me to buy the things she needed without me struggling.
I too kept a few special pieces but now I have absolutely no guilt about selling the rest.
It’s your jewellery to as you please and it will do more good than being just put away in a box.
Ignore your ds as it seems she has plenty.

What a cruel thing to say to a widow - you're "dishonouring DH's memory".
I don't think I'd ever speak to her again.

Sell it, and promise yourself to not discuss personal financial matters in future. People can’t comment on what they don’t know.

Your dh would prefer you gas a money in your retirement. Sell the jewelry and don't give your sister anything. It's not hers it's yours. Yanbu

I have east Asian heritage, and in my family's culture it is completely normal to give jewellery (primarily gold) in lieu of money. It's not only normal but also expected that you sell if you need money. If your DH spent a lot of time in that part of the world, he'd have known that too.

She wants you to honour his memory while ending your days in a house with peeling paintwork, water running down the walls and wind blowing in through the cracks? Well she can fuck right off. Your husband would be fuming!

well traditionally in the far east and the middle east, jewellery is seen as a form of saving, and that is why it is generally made of high karat gold and fine gemstones. The family's wealth is carried on the women's body. It is precisely there for selling when you need to free up some cash.

That said, if its gold and you can hang on another couple of years there are rumours its going to go supersonic and double from its current peak to around £8K an oz in 2031

Doesn't sound like it would be a great loss if you had another one with her tbh.

If your dh had left a rental property or sticks and shares or just cash savings or whatever you'd never dream of giving most of it to your sister and going without yourself so the wealth being in jewellery shouldn't make the slightest bit of difference!

If it’s gold then now is time to sell as gold is very high at the moment

He bought you an investment for you to enjoy, first by wearing it and then by using it as you wish. If that means freeing up the value to secure your retirement, I’m sure that is what your husband would want.

If the situation was reversed are you sure she would give you all of her jewellery?

Well sell it op then tell her she can’t control her. Jewels are no good to you when your dead so money will help the here and now that’s what matters it will probably be sad for you but needs must. Ignore grabby sister.

I'm a jeweller who buys scrap. I would do it, prices are high and if you work out what pieces you really don't use you could still keep the sentimental ones. Ignore your sister, sounds like she's angling for you to give it to her.