Do I tell him?

[Anyusernamewilldo2025]

Had sex with a guy I met after chatting for a while and agreeing fwb. A few days later he gave some bullshit reason why he could no longer be fwb, honestly I'm pretty sure he got back with his ex/they hadn't actually split up (i was not aware or suspicious of this until after we hooked up)

Now discovered I'm pregnant, yep stupid I know. I can't continue the pregnancy and have made the appointment but do I give him the courtesy of telling him?

YABU he has a right to know/tell him

YANBU given the decision is made no point in telling him

i think it depends more on the contraception used (or not) at the time so he can take some responsibility for the failure and learn from it?

Had sex with a guy I met after chatting for a while and agreeing fwb.

So you were chatting to a guy online, agreed to be FWB before you’d even met him, met up, had sex with someone you didn’t know, and now you’re pregnant?

Well obviously termination is the best route because you’re not mature enough to have a baby. Clearly. Why the hell do people do stuff like this? It’s chavvy, you didn’t know him so didn’t have a clue what danger you may have been putting yourself in, and now you’re agonising about a baby as a result.
jeezus. The world’s gone mad.

The mess HE made? The only person who could have done something when the condom split, is OP. She could have taken the morning after pill. She didn't, which is fine, her choice. But it doesn't make him the villain here.

OP had made it clear that they used a condom, which split. No-one's fault. The only thing to learn from it is on OP 's side, in that she should maybe look at taking the morning after pill should that happen again.

Wow congratulations on making up a whole fictional story there, ever considered a career as a novelist?

I didn't meet him online. I didn't/don't know him well but I knew enough to want to start an fwb relationship with him. It was a contraception failure not a contraception not even involved situation. I'm in my 40s with two DC already and I'm an incredibly good parent. I repeat again I knew him well enough that I was not in danger. I am not agonising about a baby, the decision was made before the test even confirmed the pregnancy as for reasons I will not explain to you (and sure you've already made them up yourself anyway) I can not continue any pregnancy regardless of how it came about.

If you can't continue the pregnancy it's not going to figure in his life at all. He has no need for this piece of information. All it shows is that you are both capable of bringing life into the world.

What would be the point ?
If it was a long term relationship ,it would be different or if you were going to continue with the pregnancy
But its neither .

I hadn't even considered he may think I'm lying as obviously I'm not and I know I'm not trying to get back with him but yes I can see how he might consider this angle. I assumed his reaction would be not to give a shit which I was fine with but if he does have a reaction that I'm lying for whatever reason I'll be furious as I'm a very honest person and I especially would never lie about something like this. This actually helps steer me towards not telling him along with the majority of the votes and comments from others so thank you

Ffs these things happen the Op is dealing with it ,absolutely no need for your nasty response.

Dont tell him.

Look up his ex who he's got back with on facebook and then tell her instead and watch the shit fly.

Seriously though, if you've made mind up, dont bother telling him.

Can guarantee if you did the first thing he would say is "are you sure its mine?"

100% absolutely not secretly hoping he begs me/comes back! My heart isn't involved in regards to him at all and whilst I suspect he might come sniffing around again in the future (assuming he remains unaware of my current situation) he will be told to fuck right off, I'd never have started anything with him in the first place if I had a hint of suspicion he was still in a relationship (I don't know that he was but I now suspect he was) and even if I'm wrong and the reason he ended it was true and not a bullshit lie to cover him still being with his ex/getting back with her, the way he went about it means there's zero chance of me ever wanting to go there again with him

Am going to go out on limb and say the OP would quite like the drama of telling him.

I (in hindsight, stupidly clearly!) didn't think I needed the morning after pill as I didn't think the condom split had been enough for any/much sperm to leak out. Yeah I realise how ridiculous I sound but without being very TMI it made sense at the time is my only defence

Absolutely not the case, I have zero wish for any drama

You said you had sex with a guy you "met" after "chatting for a while", that generally means "chatting online".

Clearly you didn't know him well enough to be having sex with him, because you now find yourself up the duff and agonising about whether to tell him.

I'm in my 40s with two DC already and I'm an incredibly good parent.

Then you should have known better than to have sex with a virtual stranger in the first place, and if you're that responsible then why didn't you take the MAP when the condom split instead of leaving it to chance?
Not buying it, sorry.

"the way he went about it means there's zero chance of me ever wanting to go there again with him"

Do get the impression though that you want to punish him for how he ended it & you're thinking of telling him as a way to get back at him.

I am not going to engage with you anymore. Good look with your fictional writing career.

And good luck with your casual shagging with virtual strangers; how's that working out for you?

What exactly is wrong with having casual sex if both partners are consenting adults ?

It's not nasty. I'm curious. Why don't people think about stuff like this and situations like this before they get themselves into them? Absolutely no need for this to have happened in the first place.

I can see how you have come to that conclusion on the way it reads but I spent about an hour pissed off about the message I recieved, had a rant to a friend about what a knob he turned out to be and then haven't really given him much thought until the test turned positive and I thought 'shit do I tell him or not' I've no interest in getting back at him, contacting his ex as another poster suggested or creating a big drama, it just for reasons I'm still not really sure why and can't articulate, feels wrong/not right to not tell him. Thankfully talking it through on here is helping me realise there really isn't a reason its wrong not to tell him

Do you say this to men who have casual sex?

Your responses are nasty and judgemental and there is really no need for them.

I see your moral dilemma, it would seem somewhat wrong to me however you had no relationship and we do currently live in a scary freaky time with some really backwards views on what women can do with their own bodies, morally perhaps he should be made aware there were consequences to his recent actions as they were achieved together.

You do now have to have a medical procedure and that in itself is no small thing, but if he's just going to either
a) dismiss you
or
b) make your life in anyway more difficult than it is right now, might be best to let sleeping douche canoes lay 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would tell the partner as I’d want to know if it was my husband.
I’m sure she would like to know so she can choose if she wants to stay in that relationship and to get herself tested, you’re probably not the only one he’s been with.