New boyfriends attitude towards money is worrying me AIBU

[30andshattered]

I think my boyfriend has a bit of an ego regarding money. We both work full time, earn similar salaries and split the costs of dates and activities 50/50, yet he claims he pays more which isn’t true. It’s not a competition, but he acts like it is. He seems fine with me paying for things, but he won't acknowledge that I do.

He has also made comments recently about our future. For example, he mentioned that he would prefer me to be a stay at home mum when we have kids and that he would support us. I have no desire to be a stay at home mum, and I have never said that I do. He also said that we would choose a house together, but that he would handle the money side of things.

This is a relatively new relationship, so these things won’t be happening for a while anyway, but am I being unreasonable to find this a bit odd? Reg flag or…..?

Fuck yeah. Enough red flags for a whole bunting with that one. Leg it quickly.

Blimey - could those flags be any redder? Financially controlling before you're even married? Taking away your autonomy with regards to work, motherhood and independence. I'd bet good money he thinks Andrew Tate speaks a lot of sense 🫩. Lace up those trainers and run!

He wants to be seen as the big man, and you be barefoot and pregnant at home.
I think its a red flag

Adding to the voices saying get rid. He's told you he wants you to be financially dependent on him.

Either he's as thick as mince, or he thinks you're as thick as mince.

Neither of those bode well for the future.

Run, run, run. He’s already devaluing your contribution. Not how anyone wants to feel in a relationship.

Naaaah bruv as my 12 YO would say. He’s got a right cheek.

"This is a relatively new relationship"

Best not to let it become an established relationship, then. End it, and soon. This man is showing you exactly who he is, and it's not a pretty picture at all.

Run run run.
Leave him to the 1970s.

When he said he would want you to be a SAHM, did you reply and say you didn't want that? If so, what was his response?

You want different things. Don't bother wasting your time. The fact he pretends to spend more than you on dates when you have been splitting it 50/50 doesn't bode well, he is already gaslighting you.

My husband has been married with me 15 years now, he put the mortgage on his name only. He thought that just because he pays it, I don't own the place at all.

I kept telling him I know why he has done it and that no, we own it together and in divorce is going to be 50% divided. Anyway....

🚩

Good grief. He wants you barefoot and pregnant in HIS house. You know, the one that he owns and who's name is on the deeds. You won't be sharing a Mortgage as a full time housewife.
He needs a Trad Wife. Good luck to him 🙄

🗑️

Where did you find this twat? In the 1950's?

More red flags than a communist party Christmas outing!

I reckon he doesn’t earn similar to you. I reckon he has debt.
i think he is bluffing and living in a fantasy world that he’d like to achieve but he has no idea how.

I think you must be getting the gist of the views posted OP. Listen to your instincts and get outta there, fast.

Totes this.

Bloody hell, run now. It’s not going to get better.