New boyfriends attitude towards money is worrying me AIBU

[30andshattered]

I think my boyfriend has a bit of an ego regarding money. We both work full time, earn similar salaries and split the costs of dates and activities 50/50, yet he claims he pays more which isn’t true. It’s not a competition, but he acts like it is. He seems fine with me paying for things, but he won't acknowledge that I do.

He has also made comments recently about our future. For example, he mentioned that he would prefer me to be a stay at home mum when we have kids and that he would support us. I have no desire to be a stay at home mum, and I have never said that I do. He also said that we would choose a house together, but that he would handle the money side of things.

This is a relatively new relationship, so these things won’t be happening for a while anyway, but am I being unreasonable to find this a bit odd? Reg flag or…..?

Run. Like the wind.

How embarrassing.

He sound like a misogynistic prat. The 1950s want your boyfriend back.

If I were you, I’d wave him off there with enthusiasm

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

At the very least, he doesn't see your future as an equal partnership, and at worst, he expects to be 'in charge'. It all sounds a bot controlling right from the start.

I suggest you make it clear to him that you want to work full time, and you expect to be on a par with him in terms of breadwinning, ownership of your home etc. See how he reacts.

Listen to yourself, you have the answer already , it’s doesn’t feel right so it isn’t x

He is not marriage material. He wants to control you and lead this relationship, not be partners or a team. Run now.

Get rid.

Bye bye misogynistic 1950’s throwback

He's the boss, he's in charge of the finances, he gets to say what you can buy. You just stick to nappies, cleaning and cooking like a good little wifey.

Fucking hell, he's actually saying it outloud. Run OP, run

You are incompatible. Time to end it.

This will end in a lot of trouble if you keep going with the relationship.

Unless he's got a secret trust fund. How exactly is he even planning on executing all his "grand plans"...

Wow and this is in the honeymoon stage where everyone is on best behavior. Imagine what he will be like in 5 years

When he said he would like you to be a SAHM and you sensibly responded with Fuck Off, what did he say?

I never understand why we get these misunderstandings. Its black and white, if he thinks you might be a SAHM you had the opportunity to put him right from the moment it left his lips.

It's a relatively early relationship and he is saying and doin things that make you uncomfortable. End it.

It doesn't even have to be a red flag or a sign of a misogynist or a potentially abusive man. If he doesn't act in ways you feel comfortable with from the start, you shouldn't be working towards a longer term future.

[these are all red flags though, FYI]

What worries me the most is that he isn’t discussing anything with you, or asking for your opinion, he’s telling you. That’s not a good trait for a partner.

Imagine what else he’ll decide and ‘tell you’ you’re both doing.

He needs to handle the money side of things when you buy at house? Does he think your that incompantent you won't know how to choose a mortgage or organise direct debits? That's not a partnership, I'd be out of it asap.
My boyfriend does earn a lot more than me but I know he respects me to for being able to hold down a good job and pay my own mortgage.

Actually, to say he would like you to be a sahm isn’t the issue. Maybe he feels the best care giver for his child is their mum. However, context is everything. If in a general discussion, fair enough. However, if he was dictating what was going to happen, and didn’t agree with your version of future events, then that’s not good.

I sense the latter, as your gut is feeling uneasy. So run.

It’s a hard no. A bunting of red flags. Dump him.

Of course you should break up - he’s said explicitly that he expects you to do/be things that you explicitly don’t want to do. Dating is to find out if you are compatible… and you’re not. blatantly.

What do you think is going to happen? You’ll get married and he will change his mind about these things? No you’ll either capitulate and do it or you’ll refuse and he’ll get angry because he said that’s what he wanted and you didn’t bow out. Then you’ll break up but later on.

I think the telling point is how he reacts when you tell him this isn’t what you want.

It's probably why he's ignoring what you pay in.

Tell him fine, he can pay for everything from now on to see how it pans out.

It probably hasn't got legs though. He'll want the traditional set up but with you paying your way on top. I'd have my fun and let it fizzle out.

Why didn’t you correct him when he made those statements?

even voicing concern on here means your gut knows the answers to this. You’re not compatible OP.

You'd hope that someone with such traditional views on Male / Female roles would at least offer to pay 😂Sounds like you get the downside of dating a paid up member of the patriarchy with none of the benefits.

I'd throw this one back if I were you.