AIBU to say that favourite children don’t know they’re the favourite?

[Onekidnoclue]

I have a theory that you only know if you’re not the favourite. I know my brother is my mother’s favourite but he has no clue at all and would deny this at length.
im not after a pity party. Just curious. Does anyone ever realise they’re the favourite and acknowledge it?
YNBU= only the non faves know and acknowledge who the fave is
YBU = favourite children know and acknowledge this

I am the favourite. Not sure if my sister knows or not 😂

You may be right, but there is the possibility that some people don't like having 'competition', whether they realise it or not

When my 3 (I had 3 under 3 inc twins) were small I used to say my favourite was whoever was behaving best that day! I love them all equally but as young adults I spend more time with DD than her brothers who would likely say she is the favourite.

I knew I was my dad’s favourite when I was younger because we had lots in common. My brother is my parent’s favourite now but that’s because they see him more.

I agree. My sister was the fav and when I brought it up years ago she swore I was the fav. She must’ve been in lala land cause she was obviously the fav but there is a 7 yr age gap between us so maybe she was too young to notice.

I know I'm the favourite. I wouldn't admit it to my siblings though because it's not a nice thing to say.

Same here. I’m the youngest and the only girl. There’s definitely resentment from my sibling which sucks, because I would love a better relationship with them and it’s not my fault, but I get it.

I do sometimes see hints of my family situation in others MN posts and it makes me sad.

I was definitely my Dads favourite but I used it to my siblings advantage,I was the one who stuck up for them ,arguing on their behalf etc !
I have three children and absolutely no favourite,they are all brilliant. The middle one is the one I worry about,so use up a lot of brain space. My other children completely get it and happy that I prioritise him . Favouritism is not involved.

I’ve heard it said that if you parent well all your kids will think they’re the favourite… I’m not sure how true that is, but it’s food for thought.

From my personal experience, I would say that I think everyone knows who the favourites are out of a set of siblings. My parents were both the favourites of their parents - my dad openly admits this, although my mum will occasionally deny she was the favourite.

I’m one of four and I was my mum’s favourite until my younger sister came along - my mum basically let it slip to me once that this was the case (it wasn’t a surprise) and all the siblings know the youngest is her favourite. I don’t resent my sister as it’s not her fault, although annoyingly she’s not in a position to take on the support / help as our mum gets older (which - now I’m not the favourite - I sort of feel should be the other side of being the favourite 😂). I actually don’t think my dad has a favourite, although my other sister definitely thinks it’s her. Thankfully, I have a lovely husband and lovely kids and I’m their favourite so I’ll take that!

I don't have a favourite, but each of my (now adult) dc claim they are the favourite.

I reckon that's parenting done right.

I think me and DSis are both very aware that we are the favourite of respective parents 🤷🏻‍♀️🫠😂😂
DSis and our mum are like clones of eachother and always have been - they speak the same, they have the same interests, same lifestyle etc so naturally they’ve just always “clicked” and their relationship has always been tighter than me and my mum’s.
Me and my dad are like that with eachother. We’ve always joked that I’m “the son he never had” because we’ve always bonded over our shared love of sports and other typically “male” pastimes. My mum and DSis call me and my dad “the boys club”.
I get along with my mum, and DSis gets along with my dad…..but it’s clear that each parent has a favourite

I was the favourite but got disowned when I did something my DM didn’t approve of. Which was partly hilarious due to her behaviour with men over the last 5 or so years which she told me in excruciating detail about, unprompted 🙄 but no, I was the one who crossed some invisible line. Now it’s my youngest sibling who is the “favourite” but DM can’t be arsed with her most of the time, a running theme for years. My middle sister is treated the same as me because we are very close. It’s all just batshit behaviour from a lonely old narcissist mostly we treat it as such and don’t engage. She can sit alone in her house and cats bum mouth as much as she wants, we won’t be there to see it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having a favourite child can be really damaging, I grew up with a narc mother (I don’t use that term flippantly) who clearly favoured my golden child younger brother. He could do no wrong in her eyes, my crime was being an independent girl who wanted to do things for herself whilst my brother needed her more! She caused me to grow up with no self-esteem or sense of self-worth. I’m a total people pleaser too. I went off to uni much to get disappointment and my DBro bummed about jobs for about 10 years at least.

She then proceeded to inform everyone that I would never have children as I was too selfish and focused on my career (I have 4!) when I started to see her abuse my children I went NC and left her and DBro to it. I still see him though.

As for my own DC I don’t have a favourite but I feel closer to my eldest DD just because she is most like me in personality, she is also very unwell and housebound so needs a great deal of my support and care.

My 80 year old neighbour has a son and a daughter. It’s crystal clear her son is her favourite, she constantly makes excuses for him as to how busy & important his work is so he can’t visit very often. Her daughter & her have a difficult relationship so she doesn’t visit her mum often and when she does it’s grudgingly. My neighbour cannot see any fault in her own behaviour and feels sorry for herself. She’s not going to change at this age though.

It’s tedious hearing the same thing over and over. She hasn’t learnt anything from it.

I'm my dads fav my daughter is my mum's fav my son thinks he's my fav lol these 5 kids 1 child is my fav but I keep that to myself hubby says there all he's fav but I know which is he's fav my sis is also my dad's fav my brother is my mum's fav my mum's kids ain't her fav just her 1 granddaughter

My son put in my bday card from your fav son lol he's 18 next yr just bit of banter my 9 yr old didnt find it amusing

I knew I was my mother’s favourite and my older sister was my dad’s. Nothing overt I just knew (and there’s three of us)! But no I wouldn’t say it out loud.

I was dads favourite and sibling was mums favourite, and you’d be hard pushed to give any of them a truth drug and hear differently.

I knew that I was my mothers favourite DC as an adult, it is an open joke.
She loved all of us but definitely had a soft spot for me, I was a difficult young DC, maybe she was just relieved.
Always miss her.

This is exactly what I said to my siblings! I only use that example as that was the first time the four of us had ever discussed it.