Early 20s with walking stick

[emilyinlondonx]

I’m in my early 20s and have been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I do get PIP, and on my bad days the pain and fatigue can be really difficult to manage.
I’ve been thinking about getting a walking stick to help me on those tougher days, especially when standing or walking for long periods, but I feel quite anxious about it. I’ve seen some unkind posts online about young people using mobility aids, and I can’t help worrying that people might judge me or think I’m exaggerating.
My partner keeps reminding me that I should do whatever makes life easier and more manageable, and I know he’s right, I just wish I could switch off that little voice that worries about what others will think.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation- young and using a walking aid, or feeling self-conscious about it? How did you get past that worry? Any tips or experiences would really help me.
Thank you 💛

My son who is nearly 10 is physically disabled and is in a wheelchair. Because he has no learning disability and otherwise acts like a typical 10 year old boy, he's been asked outright several times now why he's in a wheelchair like it's any of their business.

Or sometimes when a train is super busy, because his wheelchair is child sized and easily foldable, we'll fold it up for an adult wheelchair user or just so there's more space for people to stand and I've had a few people demand that he gives up his seat because it hasn't occurred to them that the folded wheelchair belongs to the healthy looking child.

It is so difficult having a disability when you are young but look/act 'normal', whatever that means. I really feel for you.

Use that stick if it makes it easier for you.

See if you can find a nice stylish one. Don’t suffer because you’re worried about what people might think. If you google you will find companies that do modern styles.

I'm in my 30's but similar, need a stick some days to be able to get about. I find that crutches get more questions from people whereas a stick just gets looks. I prefer not having to explain my pain to strangers, especially when I'm having a bad day so I will use a stick in public and a crutch (sometimes 2) at home.

People will make assumptions, judge and feel entitled to know why. Unfortunately you will just have to crack on and build up a tolerance for people's ignorance.

Like PP said though, make sure you are using the stick or crutches properly or you will cause more problems and pain for yourself.

Don't you think if it looks jazzy and nice walking stick that rude people may be even ruder thinking this is a stylish gimmick or prank? Than more medically-looking assistance sticks?

It's stupid though because it's very common for younger people who are disabled to want jazzy, stylish, cool etc mobility aids and it doesn't make them any less disabled. You can even make wheelchairs all jazzy and cool looking now.

Do we assume people don't need glasses if they get frames that are remotely decorative?

I am sorry for what you are going through and also for the fact that you are anticipating and worrying about society’s judgement. My teen DD is registered blind and has been since she was 11. This is her primary disability but she has other complexities and life-limiting issues too. She doesn’t always want to use her long cane, for various reasons. I am extremely vocal in asking people (in general) if they wouldn’t mind vacating priority seating they’re occupying if they have no disabilities. My teen thinks I’m an embarrassing tit at times but she can’t safely stand on buses or trains. I have no fecks left to give so I am happy to be a tit. In my experience, the world is not a kind place to young disabled people. Indeed, there was a thread on here not so long ago criticising the young ‘blue hair brigade’ who were apparently adopting walking aids as some sort of fashion accessory. Your partner is right, do what is right for you and sod the world!

My youngest dc began using one aged 13. He felt a little self-conscious at first, but years later he is fine with it, and has several unique ones, though mostly uses a regular one.
I used one for a while for ddd and oa but eventually it hurt my wrist and shoulder,
my hands bruised sometimes. So if ever my need be, I have a rollator.
PS Stretchy back support belts come in handy for the bad days.

From my experience, I personally have a condition that flares, so sometimes far worse than other days. In my 20s I hated the thought of using crutches or a walking stick, so would damn near kill myself trying to walk on my bad days in excruciating pain. Sometimes because I know some people would judge me, if they had seen me on my good days walking around with no aid. Eventually a friend went and picked up some crutches for me and told me to suck it up and stop worrying. I did get the odd arsehole comment from people. But they made me suffer less so I persisted with them when needed.
It's not as simple as saying that you'd use a walking aid if needed, sometimes the embarrassment or worry about other people's judgement makes people avoid them and try to push on without them.
It's not even uncommon for older frail people do refuse to use walking frames for example even though they're at a significant risk of falls.

I used to sell assistive aids. Young people do use mobility aids and yeah, there are assholes. But they will be assholes regardless.

I know some people feel kore comfortable with a crutch instead of a walking stick. It gives more of a "i hurt my knee"-vibe. But there are really cool stick designs, so get one that is the most you.

I don’t think you should worry about what people might think. Look at this differently, do you think any person with glasses worry about what people think ? And there is a big difference in glasses. Some people are absolutely clueless without them whereas some can manage ok just not 100%. But no one thinks that only those who are absolutely blind should wear glasses and those who can manage without should manage without. The same applies to using a stick.

Im really sorry that you had bad experience seats wise. I wonder if it’s because a badge is less noticeable. You might find that using a stick will give you a different experience as it will be a better visual clue for people that you have an issue.

Just someone else chatting about their experience (Hannah whitton) Youtube

A friend of my DS is in her early 20s with a walking stick. She just uses it as she needs to. I saw her the other day at a party, using the stick while standing still talking, but also having fun on the dance floor with it nearby. Hers is patterned and fits with her style which is quite floaty boho. As PP have said, if you get a stick that is also a style accessory, you may feel more confident using it when you need to.

Yes some people have assumed so. When the Geek Chic fashion was popular and funky glasses were seen as a fashion accessory rather than a medical need people were commonly asked if their oversized black chunky framed specs were 'fake' or genuine need. If you customise your glasses from the mainstream (ie beyond what is commonly sold at Specsavers etc) then yes I'm sure some people will assume they are a fashion statement.

Hi OP.

I had to start using a Cane/Walking stick in my mid 30's due to degenerative disk disease, it really did help, and is absolutely worth doing. Sometthing that another disabled person told me was someone who doesn't need a stick, doesn't consider using one.

It can be hard that first few times you step out with it, i found that having a decorated stick that suited my fashion aesthetic really helped with that side (i'm a goth), i just made it part of my 'costume' that i always kind of slap on when i'm out and about, i'm a big fan of Cool Crutches stuff.. its expensive, but if you're using it regularly, the cost balances out.. i've friends who also like Neo Walk.

I'm 44 now and been using double crutches for the last 12 months as i now also have OA in my hip, they help more with lower back pain and general stability.. i can lean on them when my back pain gets too much, saves me needing to sit quite so often! (i also have a wheelchair i use on long days out for last 2 years)... both are also customised!

Be brave, other peoples opinions don't matter when you're doing something you need to make your life easier.

Some disabilities don't work like that as they are variable. (Mine)

Some get worse over time and that interim period sometimes you need it, sometimes you don't until you need it all the time.

Some days I'd qualify for pip that day. Some days not. I've not applied as I wouldn't qualify over all as the bad days are not frequent enough.

Some people really do not like young people having walking aids. (Relatives) But out and about no-one seems that bothered by it.

Same, I tend to be fine in the morning and then might need one as the day goes on. In very hot weather or if I am ill I need it more than usual.

(My condition means I get weaker the more I use my muscles and stronger with rest)

I have a folding stick I can keep in my handbag so I can get it out at the point in the day I feel I need it

So what if they do? My medical status is between myself and my medical team..

Also.. why on earth would i want a boring grey NHS stick/crutches when i have to use them all the time?

Fuck that, if im stuck needing mobility aids, they're going to be treated like my clothes and shoes.. my style/fashion... they're literally an extension of me now.

In which case they are decorating it for themselves, it was a comment the suggestion to decorate the stick so it gets less 'looks' or negativity, I think it might encourage even more that this is a Shein ordered gimmick rather than a genuine medical device or that the wheelchair is a toy or a pram. Yes it is stupid to assume it, but many people are stupid and will assume so which brings us back to the point of op needing to just get on with using the stick (decorated or not) for herself and disregard or report the negative comments because they never stop and she will never please everyone even if she decorates it, even if she were 80 years old someone is bound to comment.

Are you implying that disabled people are not allowed to have stylish accessories? Why should disabled people be lesser than?

Because someone presented it as a solution, when I think it might backfire and being young it might look more credible to others if it looked like a medical device. Ultimately however her walking stick looks, there will always be someone nasty which is why anti discrimination laws were enacted and needed.

My sister started using walking poles to begin with as she felt less self conscious, however she did check with OT that these were suitable and wouldn't compromise her condition.

I also want to add that I wear my disability ID on a lanyard and I also wear an offer me a seat badge when using public transport

So you might as well have a walking stick too 🤷‍♂️

What's the difference, apart from making your life easier?

What about the person suggesting hiking sticks instead of walking sticks are you also going to quote them?
The op says she is young and worried about being seen and not believed with a walking stick, suggesting she keeps it looking medical isn't saying that all disabled people shouldn't have nice things, that is a strong reach. OP presented a problem and some suggested decorating the stick, I asked if it would in fact make her stick look less genuine, making the situation worse not better for her.
I don't think disabled people shouldn't decorate their mobility or assistance devices, we are having a discussion on appearances and disability. Not everyone has the knowledge that a decorated device is still medical, there is a lot of ignorance out there and rude attitudes and when your disability or assistance devices are not obvious I think it makes you receive more stigma.

Well yes, people are going to comment, unfortunately people can be nosy, clumsy, or just plain rude.

There is stigma around young people using mobility aids.. i got more comments when i was using just a cane than i do now with the double crutches, but i either ignored them, told them my spine was crumbling, or to mind their own business, depending on the commentary... but that was nothing to do with the stick being skull print... it was to do with the inherent prejudice some older people have towards younger folk who need mobility aids.