Could he find someone to have a child with

[ILoveAnjanaVasan]

Crazy question, and I haven't thought this through or spoken to my partner about it so don't take it too seriously!
I am much older than him and can't have kids. He was undecided about having his own children but we got together anyway and he is happy with me.
I have always felt a bit guilty about him not having the opportunity to have his own children and while pondering this I wondered if he should try and have a child with someone else. So my crazy question is this. Could he find someone who is single and wanted to share parenting with him. Maybe someone who hasn't met the right person or who is gay? Is this a thing and has anyone ever heard of this happening in real life?

Yes but like many of us have said, it’s weird you are even thinking about it, even if it’s not seriously.

you need to reflect on that.

Most of that wouldn't bother me actually but they are interesting points

Bringing a child in to a life where they start from never having a permanent home and are always split 50/50, inherently fucking self indulgent twattery .

Ok I will go away and think about it

Ok, thank you for your opinion

It's strange because it would be a 50/50 child. OP would be involved in childcare. The kid would have 3 parents.

You think. You can't really know.

Not fair on the child, don’t do it.

Like I said it was just a crazy question that I was wondering about, it's not going to happen

That makes sense

I think that just the fact your even pondering this screams insecurity despite your protestations.

Yes there is a tiny bit of insecurity that he hasn't had the opportunity to have children because he is with me, I think that's natural

Yes, examine your low self esteem around this relationship.

Have you lost your mind?

I have come across this and have also known people who got a long way along the process before changing their mind.

The people I know who did something similar were both gay and had been best friends for years. I knew them at university and was really surprised to hear that they had a baby together, but it worked really well for them. The baby had two parents who (platonically) loved each other. I lost touch some time ago so don't know how it worked out longterm.

I also know a female couple who were talking to a close male friend about being a sperm donor. They had a lot of conversations and drew up a draft agreement but then decided not to go ahead because of the complexity of the situation plus different attitudes to key things.

I understand you want to think around this in case it ever comes up. I would not want to coparent in those circumstances.

Alright then

I think it's considerate of you to think of this. I know a female couple whose children were conceived using the sperm of the brother of one partner, baby carried by the other partner, an arrangement like that could work if they agreed on how much of a role he would have. I also have a friend whose Dad was a sperm donor in the 60s and quite a few of the children he helped bring into the world have contacted him. Maybe you are a few too many steps along in the thinking process trying to solve something that might not be an issue for him though? Not everyone wants to have kids. If your children have babies he could be a grandparent which could be fine also?

Thank you, this is really interesting.
I have to say I am surprised by the amount of people who can't even envisage a child being brought up in a non nuclear family by choice. I thought there would be more forward thinking people on here.
For me if a child is loved and looked after well they will thrive and I have seen many children thrive in different circumstances. It's all a bit short sighted I think

I can't believe anyone would actually think this could be an option.

This is very weird.

If he is still with you and hasn’t mentioned wanting children, I think it’s safe to assume he’s really not that bothered. Planning on his behalf to send him off to stud is a bit odd, to say the least.

IME the vast majority of men really aren’t that arsed about reproducing. They mainly have kids because:

1. they are with someone who really wants them and they go along with it.

or

2. they get someone knocked up accidentally.

Honestly OP just enjoy your relationship. I am with someone younger than me, very happily. He doesn’t have DC and I do (adult and nearly adult), and I’m too old to have more, although when we first got together I probably just about could have. He’s really not bothered. He’s free to leave at any time but wants to be with me, I think he sees it as almost a bonus that I’m menopausal 🤣

Yes I am a few steps ahead aren't I 😂I like to think about what ifs.
I think I have upset a few people by thinking about a hypothetical situation.
I think if it ever did happen it would take an awful lot of trust and negotiation which would be very difficult to find in real life.

I don't think this is a hugely ridiculous consideration. What OP is suggesting is that her DH might want to be a sperm donor with parenting rights for a lesbian couple, or for a woman who wants a child but is running out of time to find a willing partner. Neither of those scenarios is wildly unusual, but, as a previous poster suggested, many of these arrangements arise out of pre-existing friendships. I'm shocked at the pearl-clutching, given that 3.8 million children live in separated families in the UK. Are those saying absolutely 'no' suggesting that women without partners, or same sex couples shouldn't have children under any circumstances?

Oh and yes one day, not too soon I might have grandchildren, being a grandparent will be nice I think

Thank you, I'm glad someone gets it!

Could he find a lesbian couple who might like the idea of him having some sort of relationship with their child.