Dislike knitted baby gifts from family member

[LoftyOliveDreamer]

A member of our family continuously knits baby gifts for our children, there is not usually much consideration for appropriate seasons regards to age/sizing and the patterns/colours are always quite garish. We feel awful because there is clearly a lot of time and effort gone into these. The person is a beautiful knitter however she will not take any suggestions on colours, or doing a more neutral/single colour piece that would mean it can be paired with other items.

We are left with sooo many items piling up unused, many are completely inappropriate sizing so they are zero use to us. However the ones that may fit are always wild patterns or very dated styles. Photo is just recent examples

We have tried to talk to this person many times but as mentioned before they do not listen. I feel pressured to quietly donate many of them because we simply do not have the space to store so many unused items, and I would hope someone else can appreciate and get some use out of them

Our last ditch attempt is suggesting a specific pattern book so hopefully this works, do you have any suggestions? Am I being unreasonable, are these examples nice?

I think they are really nice, especially the pink and white hat and jumper. I'm not old fashioned either, I'm late 30s with a young DC and pretty typical modern style.

MIL asked if she could knit for DD when she was born, I was happy for her to do it. My only request is that she didn’t use really cheap wool. Of course she used that and in a big size so only fit in the height of summer heatwave, they were horribly scratchy too. They were never used. She was very angry about it whilst DD was sat literally in a nappy she was so hot that I wasn’t using them.
One of DHs elderly relatives made some lovely plain cotton cardigans for her when she was small. They were well used.

Firstly I would love the wee pink jumper and hat only in blue 😄 but I would just suggest colours you like but I would just give them to a charity plenty up here

You have my sympathy OP. My DM is a knitter and steadfastly sticks to her 1970s patterns and the cheapest yarn in garish colours. It wasn’t so bad when the kids were babies but as they grew older she’d produce stuff they were never going to wear. I tried buying new yarn as presents, new patterns for her to try. They all disappeared, never to be seen again. So now I just smile, say thank you and pass onto the charity shop at the other side of town so she’s unlikely to see them again.
I suspect she finds the old patterns and cheap yarn easy to knit and doesn’t want to learn new patterns.

No need to take photos because they will feel
more motivated. Kindness is listening. Forcing your projects on others is the kindness people should avoid.

Kindness is also tolerance and understanding.

Shes an older lady trying to do something nice. Shes less flexible and its slightly annoying but honeslty they arent anywhere near as offensive as the post indicated

I really like them. But I like the slightly vintage vibe they're giving. Have never been a fan of dressing babies in neutrals.

Actually think it's pretty stupid to knit clothes for babies without finding out what the recipients like before you do.
They won't use it so the effort was pointless.

If you live nearby and have access to good shops, could you take your relative out for lunch or afternoon tea and then look at the pattern books and wool and pay for them yourself. I’m not a knitter, but just had a look online and there are all sorts of knitting events all over the country. You could also get her a ticket for something like the Black Sheep Christmas Do or a Norwegian knitting workshop.

Alternatively, if you are on a budget your local library may have a good selection of knitting pattern books - my library has shelves and shelves of Debbie Bliss, Kaffe Fassett etc. Even if things weren’t to my taste I would still use the jumpers for a walk in the park, playing at home. She is a skilled knitter.

That’s skilled work. I completely get what you’re saying, though, OP. We had a similar issue and did try to get the person concerned to use wool and patterns we’d chosen and bought. It’s so difficult - if it’s an elderly person (ours was) they grew up in a time when such things weren’t available to buy and there wasn’t the vast choice, or even the trends and styles available that there are today. They came from a time when people were grateful for these things whatever the colour or style.

But times have changed, and apart from anything else, my children found wool of any kind very uncomfortable to wear.

I do think all knitters should take note, though. Please do just check in with the recipients before launching into a big project. Not everyone will want or appreciate these things, and certainly not if they’ve had no say in them.

Agree with people saying choose patterns and yarn. Your relative takes time over these things, it’s a shame if you don’t use them because the fibre and colours aren’t what you want. Those look like eighties patterns to me, I imagine she has a stack of baby patterns and buys standard “baby/child” yarn, which is normally acrylic. I had a little cardigan knitted for me by an elderly relative, for my first baby. It was a soft ‘baby’ acrylic which I never use normally, but I was so touched and it was very sweet, so my dd did wear it.
Get a pattern book that appeals to you, Rowan have some good ones, or Debbie Bliss, and then choose a pattern that uses a yarn you like. Yarn is expensive when it’s a natural fibre, so your relative might appreciate having some to use.

MiL is a prolific knitter for her great grand daughter, she has shit taste in colours but knits the most amazing Aran items. I told her what colours are appreciated, which she followed though with, but she does still knit in her preferred horrid colours as well, they still get worn but mainly at nursery.

I think the pink jumper and hat are lovely and the other cardigans perfectly nice enough for keeping baby warm. Babies don't care what colours they are wearing.

When I had DC1 a colleague's Mum knitted cardigans in all different colours. I kept them all for DC2 and now have them wrapped and put away in case they are ever wanted for grandchildren. So much nicer than synthetic baby cardigans.

I actually really like them.
But I agree with others perhaps you can find something you do like and show her and say I'd love if you made this.

I think they look fine @LoftyOliveDreamer but you don't, which is what matters. They're definitely not garish. However well intentioned, an unwanted gift is not a gift, it's a burden.

I wouldn't dress a child in pink, so those would go straight to the charity shop.

Have you tried being blunt and saying 'Please don't knit any more clothes for DC right now.'?

I was about to say YABU until I saw the pictures. I wouldn't put my children in those ugly colours either tbh. You could see about donating them to your local children’s hospital though if you don’t want to just chuck them.

Cable knitting is on trend again.
For kids is always better cashmere blends or cotton no poliester.
They look OK to me.
There is a pride element when someone knitted something so she may be not taking your suggestions because she acknowledged that you don't know much about it. If you don't like them just don't use them, but don't ask on demand unless she ask you specifically what do you like because she may feel that as rude.

I get loads of this type of thing from MIL. I put them on Dd, take a photo, send it to her with a big thank you and then it's off to the charity shop unless it's a soft, warm (though ugly) item in which case it's designated for back garden messy play.

If you want to eliminate the waste, though, I'd buy some cute patterns and give them to her saying that you saw it and would love dd to have it. Keep her busy with items of your choice so she doesn't have the time to go rogue!

Also easily machine washable. Pure wool may need careful hand washing, hardly practical for babies.

The ‘other granny’ of Gdcs makes lovely jumpers for them, so other patterns certainly do exist, but can be hard to find. So many baby patterns are of the old fashioned type.

I really hate having someone else's hobby thrust upon me. Just donate it all to charity.

I actually like these, especially the ones with black as they are a bit different. But you don’t like them so it doesn’t really matter what others think. I would just photo baby wearing them and offer them back to the knitter when they have grown out of them.

I think older ladies may like to recreate patterns which they liked when their DC was young. Some updated ideas may help hopefully

I used to love putting hand knitted stuff on my kids, because it reminded me of my nanas knitting things for me as a child. I think its super cute, and I love that outfit you posted. Its retro and brilliant.
There is a market for this stuff. If she loves knitting it, maybe you could set up an ebay shop with her.

My MIL knitted loads of baby stuff that was old fashioned. I thanked her, the babies wore them at MIL visits and that was it.

I think you just have to be grateful and move on.