Would you complain about being told to expect a cancer diagnosis when you don’t?

[BuzzyBallz]

Context- I am a surgeon. My husband is a judge and we have a very busy life. Being tired is our default. However DH was remarkably more tired, we’re talking coming home from work early (at 5pm rather than 8) sleeping til 9, getting up having pizza and then going to bed again til 5.30)

I basically forced him to go to the drs and I wrote the e consult for him because I knew the medical words for things and how to get our gp to listen.

he submitted the e consult at 7.45 am on Monday, saw a gp at 10am. She did bloods and told him to Go home and rest.

On Tuesday morning he had a phone call from the GP saying he would hear from the national cancer centre near us, that he had an appointment for the following day, was told to not go alone and to expect ‘100% a diagnosis of lymphoma or leukaemia’

I never want to repeat those 24 hours, I saw his bloods and I knew that they were grossly abnormal so I could understand the importance of having him
seen by a haematologist.

We saw the haematologist and she said that he didn’t have cancer he had very serious glandular fever. The relief was indescribable. DH wants to send an email to the gp basically castigating them for telling him to expect a diagnosis of cancer when he didn’t have cancer? I feel like he would be a bit unreasonable to do that because his bloods were so abnormal I understand why they fast tracked him immediately, whereas his view is that he doesn’t have cancer and therefore could have been spared a horrible 24 hours where we thought he would need to re evaluate his entire career and life etc.

So am I being unreasonable to say I wouldn’t complain, because I understand why he was fast tracked whereas he thinks the emotional anguish they caused him was unreasonable. So who is being unreasonable?

Me- YANBU
DH- YABU

I’ll take it with grace if I’m unreasonable (promise)

Even if the GP hadn't said anything, surely an immediate referral to a specialist cancer centre would have had the same impact?

I'd just be thanking my lucky stars that all turned out well.

Personally I think if he has been told by a GP that he 100% has cancer, then he has every right to complain. Despite blood results, a GP simply cannot make that diagnosis. Not just for your DH, but for anyone else this GP may have affected by such a diagnosis, it seems they need further training. It seems incredibly reckless.

40 years ago I lost a fear friend, in their early 30s, to glandular fever that wasn't initially correctly diagnosed. So id just be really grateful.

That’s basically how I feel. You know from bloods to diagnosis was less than 48 hours and so if it was cancer he’d have started treatment insanely quickly.

This.

I’m also guessing you doing the consult because I knew the medical words for things and how to get our gp to listen. possibly swayed the GPs thinking.

Typo, Dear friend, of course

My father got told he had bowel cancer by a nurse at one of his appointments after some tests.
At his appointment with the consultant a few days later, he was told he didn’t have cancer.

Massive f*ck up. Thankfully we are quite a relaxed family who aren’t prone to upset so we had sort of just dealt with the news with our usual jokes and laughter, so we just sort of shrugged it off when we heard he actually didn’t have cancer, though we did think it was a bit of a bad mistake to make!
I can imagine a more sensitive family might have been absolutely crushed and be more angry over the whole thing.

Yes this^
it’s better the GP prepare a patient for awful news then come as a shock.

Also an awful 24 hours is far better than cancer and so relief would be my first reaction.

I do agree that the GP shouldn’t have said 100% though… but maybe said something like strong probability etc

You’ve put your yanbu/yabu a very confusing way round so you might get some dodge results. I agree with you but I also feel for your husband- sometimes making a fuss is part of processing something traumatic. Maybe suggest he takes some time to consider it.

It was so difficult for me because I knew by looking at his bloods that something was hugely wrong. He was asking me questions I didn’t feel I had the right to answer because he needed to speak to a specialist. I’m a surgeon not a haematologist and it was so so hard. I feel like that 24 hours aged me greatly but I’m so beyond grateful that the GP referred appropriately and the NHS as a whole worked as it should.

Yes our GP shouldn’t have told him to expect a cancer diagnosis but I also know that he was extremely dismissive on the phone call as I was in the next room when he took it and one of the things he told her was that he had a 3 day trial starting the following day so he didnt want to go to the appointment so maybe she said it because she didn’t want him to miss the appointment?

I don’t think he should complain because he is fine and no harm done but if he’d had cancer he would have been seen obscenely quickly and I wish my patients were able to see me as fast !

I’d just be grateful you were fast tracked. I have a three month wait for an ECG.

I feel like he should be the focus so it was I’m being unreasonable to say he should not complain and he’s not being unreasonable to complain as it really isn’t my experience.

I think I probably would complain - I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing, but just to suggest maybe in future the GP not claim things to be 100% fact until a formal diagnosis is made. Yes, the referral was a giveaway, but all the GP needed to say was that the results indicated possible cancer, but more tests/a referral were needed. There was no need to tell him it was 100% going to be cancer at all.

Really? That’s appalling

Surely he should be just feeling massive relief that he doesn’t have cancer? (And great reassurance that everything moved so quickly).

At an appointment with a geriatrician, my mother was told he could feel a mass in her abdomen and he also suspected she had an abdominal aortic aneurysm. After three long weeks later and many investigations, the conclusion was that she had merely been constipated.

I agree with you! I’m just so relieved he doesn’t have cancer.

I have been told twice (or is it thrice?) to expect cancer which in fact turned out not to be cancer at all.

It’s a peculiar & traumatic experience. I would therefore suggest your H take time to process it before complaining. It may be that the GP’s word choices were poor- a better approach might have been to say the results were ‘strongly indicative’ of cancer. On the other hand, on reflection, H may consider that his own abrupt attitude contributed to this; & that his anger is to at least some extent displaced fear and distress.

I would try to dissuade him from making a complaint in the short term.

As someone who was diagnosed with cancer, knowing in advance that it was almost 100% cancer, before the biopsy result, allowed me to cope with the diagnosis in a slightly more calm frame of mind. I was able to take in a lot more of the information at the diagnosis consult which then helped me explain it all to my non-health care DH. The hardest part of diagnosis is telling loved ones.
Ask your DH what would have been going through his mind if he’d had a 24hr referral to a cancer unit but not been told. Probably exactly the same as what went through his mind having been told.

It might be possible to word a letter of feedback that says thank you for the quick referral and how relieved you are that it's not cancer but then goes on to describe the effect of being told it was before seeing the specialist qualified to diagnose.

Tactful but clear communication might be more thought provoking, and more likely to lead to reflection, than a complaint.

My mum received a cancer diagnosis alone because we thought it was something minor.

With hindsight, the symptom she went to the GP with was textbook cancer - obvious if you know. we didn’t. The gp did, and didn’t say anything.

I would have been with her if we’d known.

So no I wouldn’t complain

Absolutely not. The news comes as a shock whether it comes first from a GP or later from the specialists. When given by the specialists it is immediately followed up with prognosis and care plan. Leaving someone hanging with a 100% diagnosis that you shouldn’t give anyway, with no other information, is wholly unacceptable.

I would not complain. I would be grateful for the results and respect and reevaluate my lifestyle.

i once refused to act for a client many years ago who had been told they had cancer, then five minutes later was told two records have been mixed and they did not. they were still in the waiting room and on phone to a solicitor.

yes he can be angry, have a moan and move on.

I voted YABU as in DH shouldn’t complain. I agree it’s done very confusing so I don’t even know if I’ve voted correctly

I think the 100% wording was perhaps unwise and something like ‘almost certainly’ or ‘very likely’ cancer would have been better from the GPs point of view as well as the patient’s. However, I can’t imagine that I would care enough to make a complaint.