Would you complain about being told to expect a cancer diagnosis when you don’t?

[BuzzyBallz]

Context- I am a surgeon. My husband is a judge and we have a very busy life. Being tired is our default. However DH was remarkably more tired, we’re talking coming home from work early (at 5pm rather than 8) sleeping til 9, getting up having pizza and then going to bed again til 5.30)

I basically forced him to go to the drs and I wrote the e consult for him because I knew the medical words for things and how to get our gp to listen.

he submitted the e consult at 7.45 am on Monday, saw a gp at 10am. She did bloods and told him to Go home and rest.

On Tuesday morning he had a phone call from the GP saying he would hear from the national cancer centre near us, that he had an appointment for the following day, was told to not go alone and to expect ‘100% a diagnosis of lymphoma or leukaemia’

I never want to repeat those 24 hours, I saw his bloods and I knew that they were grossly abnormal so I could understand the importance of having him
seen by a haematologist.

We saw the haematologist and she said that he didn’t have cancer he had very serious glandular fever. The relief was indescribable. DH wants to send an email to the gp basically castigating them for telling him to expect a diagnosis of cancer when he didn’t have cancer? I feel like he would be a bit unreasonable to do that because his bloods were so abnormal I understand why they fast tracked him immediately, whereas his view is that he doesn’t have cancer and therefore could have been spared a horrible 24 hours where we thought he would need to re evaluate his entire career and life etc.

So am I being unreasonable to say I wouldn’t complain, because I understand why he was fast tracked whereas he thinks the emotional anguish they caused him was unreasonable. So who is being unreasonable?

Me- YANBU
DH- YABU

I’ll take it with grace if I’m unreasonable (promise)

I wouldn’t complain but certainly send some feedback suggesting a more gentle (clear but gentle) approach be used.
”your test results are concerning, and I’ve referred you to the 2 week cancer pathway where specialists will be able to look at the results more closely”

Not “you 100% have cancer”

The GP will reflect on this anyway as they’ll see the diagnosis letter. I had the opposite, told someone unlikely to be cancer but sending to 2ww as just met the threshold. Pt has cancer. Felt awful. Spoke to them after and apologised but it has made me rethink my words

I also know that he was extremely dismissive on the phone call as I was in the next room when he took it and one of the things he told her was that he had a 3 day trial starting the following day so he didnt want to go to the appointment so maybe she said it because she didn’t want him to miss the appointment?

Does he realise how fucking lucky he is to
a) have seen a GP within 48 hours
b) to have been seen by a consultant within 48 hours of that??

The arrogance is astounding. If he dares to complain about a GP (oh such a lowly creature) trying to help him ... well, words fail just a bit.

I hope I never have to stand in front of such a judge.

Oh, and I was put on the 2 week cancer pathway for breast cancer just before COVID when I felt a breast lump.

I had wonderful diagnostic treatment and was luckily found to be cancer free, even though every one of my sisters has had some sort of breast cancer treatment. I thought it was inevitable I too, would need treatment.

But I didn't complain - I was very happy not to be mortally ill! And I had glandular fever about 2 months before my A Levels - I was ill enough to be hospitalised, so I know how ill one feels.

Just FYI, I voted the wrong way because your options are counter intuitive.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I think DH is. If he had not been warned at all about possible cancer and then got that diagnosis it would have been a terrible shock, would he also be complaining then? How could the GP have been incorrect and avoided him complaining?He's been incredibly lucky and should count his blessings.

That makes no more sense than your OP did, to be honest.

I didn't know which way to vote because I had no idea what you meant.

I hope you're clearer with your patients @BuzzyBallz

FWIW I think you're the one being unreasonable. It's your husband's diagnosis, and it's his response to the GP which should be the focus.

There's also a slight element of "sticking up for a fellow doctor" in how you're dealing with this.

It's your husband who is ill and he who had to be terrified for 24 hours. He's fully entitled to complain. The GP absolutely overstepped and caused distress, which was needless and unnecessary.

I'd just be glad it wasn't cancer if I were him and focusing on the positives.

Is he always this petty?

I know someone who had PTSD for being told they had lung cancer incorrectly. They lived with the diagnosis for six weeks, before finding out a mix up had happened. They were never the same again. I would complain.

OP is English your first language?
Even your thread title is unclear.

Well if your put on the cancer fast track list your told so how can he be referred and not know.

As someone's that's been involved with a partner in the cancer list and it was cancer I find your post a little insensitive and moany tbh

A referral is just that - to be seen by specialists to get firm diagnosis, or not.
The GP was not in a position to say 100% cancer.

That’s as it should be - find lump, get on 2 week pathway.
Before you’re seen at that clinic no one should be saying 100% cancer.

So, as another doctor I would probably have phrased it as “Your bloods are very very abnormal, I’m worried you might have cancer, and so it’s really important that you do go to this appointment” rather than “you have cancer”.

But giving a shot across the bows to prepare him is actually best practice - if he’s turned up to the Haem appointment with no clue it might be cancer, there’s no way he would have taken anything in.

At least you weren't in a state of worry for long. My sister in law was told she has Ovarian cancer . Then they changed the diagnosis to endometrial cancer. It turned out to be neither, it was some kind of condition that can act like a cancer seeding deposits around. She had been distraught for months.

If the gp actually used the words “one hundred percent” then that is a huge mistake. Most tests dont even have that high an accuracy! Certainly no non specialist should say that. But I do have sympathy for the gp if your dh was minimising or indicating he would put work ahead of follow up appointments. Yes the gp panicked him but that panic could have saved his life (if it was cancer and he was delaying). This is on him and he should learn from that to pay attention to his own health as next time he may not be so lucky.

This. What if the GP told someone this and they did themselves harm in their panic?

He needs to move on.

Ahh, this is what happened with my son.

He had lymphoma in his bowel which caused a bowel obstruction. He also had septic shock at this point. He required emergency surgery and before they took him in, the surgeon very briefly warned us that it could be 'something sinister', I asked if he meant cancer and he said yes but he quickly followed it up with it's unlikely to be cancer and said it was far more likely to be a complication with appendicitis or meckel diverticulitis. After his surgery, the surgeon told me it was the latter and nothing more was said.

A week later, I was suddenly told it was cancer after the test results were all back and the surgeon also apologised to me. He clearly felt awful too but honestly, what bothered me the most was not warning me that it was still possible it could be cancer and we'd have to wait until the test results came back because it's an absolute punch in the gut to be told your child has cancer anyway but especially out of the blue when as far as you're concerned, it was ruled out.

I am sorry if i missed it in your follow up posts but did you also hear the GP phone call and did you also hear them say 100%? I think it is so unlikely that the GP said that unless they are very inexperienced. If your DH is black and white in his thinking he may be seeing it that the GP was inaccurate, rather than seeing that the GP was trying to emotionally prepare him. If you didn't hear the GP say that I would say don't complain. If you also heard them say that then maybe a letter of feedback to the actual GP - they would need to learn that they could have handled it better.

Is it possible as other PP’s have said he misinterpreted the GP’s words into absolutes & categorical cancer rather than very likely?
Does his professional position influence how he’s viewing all this?

A chiropodist visited my housebound Mum for a routine appointment.
She was very worried when she discovered a black spot on the sole of her foot.

I was told not to touch it.
Each day I washed her feet very gingerly avoiding that area.

A district nurse came to photograph it.

A doctor studied the photo and referred her to a dermatologist. An acral lentiginous melanoma was suspected.

Somehow I got Mum to the hospital. It was very slow getting her in and out of the car.
Strangers saw my trouble and helped.

The dermatologist studied Mum's foot for some time and said she was worried about the look of it. She fetched her senior colleague for a second opinion.

The senior dermatologist scraped very gently and .....the ominous black spot fell on to the floor.

It had been a speck of dirt.

There was a shocked silence, then the four of us laughed and laughed, and I always smile when I remember that surreal moment

I think if your husband complained he would just create stress for himself and others where there doesn't need to be any.

This happened to me, on Christmas Eve. To say it was terrible is an understatement. But it was made better with the unmasking of my shit husband who told me off for ruining Christmas. Not kidding. We’re now divorced. Sorry had to get that out.

I'll be honest, it's a little bit upsetting to read this thread having lost a loved one to cancer whose symptoms weren't taken seriously by their GP.

In your shoes, I'd feel all kinds of things, but mostly grateful.

I think it's OK for you to complain though. Some GPs are terrible with language, if this one has said something like this, imagine what other news is being badly communicated. You can be grateful, and complain for the right reason. The right reason isn't that you had a scare - the right reason is this GP might be doing harm to other patients, especially ones with fragile wellbeing.