Strange situation at work, 25 year old junior male making jokes about pre-perimenopause..

[yikesthatwasit]

I’ve worked with this guy for a few months. He’s 25 and I’m 35. I know he has 3 big sisters but no girlfriend as far as I’m aware which I’m guessing will help set the scene slightly. Tbh I find him a bit odd, his sense of humour is a bit random, i don’t totally get it. He’s also about 5ft 4, not that I care about that but I but I have a feeling he’s got a chip on his shoulder.

So this is what happened, my other colleague can in the room and said she was hot, obviously it’s not a hot day today so he asked her why and she said “oh you don’t wanna know, perimenopause or something like that”, I joked and said “ahh il look forward to that” and that was the end of it.
Then 5 mins later, he said to me, other colleague had gone at this point “you know there’s a ‘pre-perimenopause that affects 35 plus’” and read out the symptoms from his screen, so he’d been googling it, he also knows I’m 35 because we had this chat at one point,
So I said “are you trying to find something that affects my age or something?” He laughed and said “just trying to offer advice” and I replied “not sure I need that off a 25 year old male”

So it’s pissed me off and made me feel a bit uncomfortable. My hunch is this guy has grown up with 3 big sisters, maybe been teased, he’s a short arse and he’s making it clear he feels a bit weird around women.

What do you make of it?

Tbh your response was perfect for the situation.

It's it's a one off I would forget it. If it's a pattern of behaviour then I would record it then perhaps act on it in future. It's sexist behaviour if repeated. Is he generally a bit dim?

tell him where he can get lifts for his shoes to make him look taller if he does it again.

Perfect response.

You brought it up in the first place. He was just trying to join in the office chat. YABU.

My hunch is this guy has grown up with 3 big sisters, maybe been teased, he’s a short arse and he’s making it clear he feels a bit weird around women

Or he's grown up with 3 big sisters who've been open around him with "women's issues" and he doesn’t realise it would make others uncomfortable. I think you responded perfectly to let him know it makes YOU uncomfortable and hopefully that'll be the end to it

What did he do wrong? The topic had been brought up, and he googled a little.

Fair enough to say you don't want to discuss, did he then carry on and embarrass you?

You sound really judgemental.

I'm a little confused. Happens a lot lately, though.

I think you’re being very defensive and weird.

sounds like he’s just trying to fit in in an environment that he’s not overly comfortable in. He sounds little odd but not like he was trying to be offensive and he heard you say something and just wanted to let you know this was a possibility - odd but not exactly the end of the world.

He's a tosser

I think he was just trying to join in the conversation.

Why on earth is his height relevant to this?

There's a PRE-peri-menopause now?! That's news to me.

Misses point of thread......... 😬

Is he autistic i don't think hes done anything wrong maybe a bit misjudged but it wasn't intentional you need to work on tolerance to other people's personalities

@yikesthatwasit

So it’s pissed me off and made me feel a bit uncomfortable. My hunch is this guy has grown up with 3 big sisters, maybe been teased, he’s a short arse and he’s making it clear he feels a bit weird around women.

That's just rude and cruel. Not covering yourself in glory here.

YABU. There was nothing wrong with what he said.

You sound horribly judgemental - and actually horrible. I don't think his comment was inappropriate unless there's a massive drip feed coming. Calling him a short arse (you mention his height twice) was not only inappropriate but plain nasty and I hope his other females colleagues aren't so bitchy. Tbh I don't think you're in any position to seek sympathy for feeling "uncomfortable".

You brought it up, not him. And his height is irrelevant.

You and your colleague brought up the subject. He really hasn’t done much, if anything, wrong. Your response was a fine put-down. But you sound a bit unpleasant about his height.

Yes, this. ^

It’s good for young men to educate themselves about how female hormones affect their female colleagues at work. He did nothing wrong imo.

I’m not sure what he has done wrong? He’s just joined in a conversation that was going on in the office 🤷‍♀️ Maybe he didn’t know a lot about perimenopause so googled it to understand more

I was thinking along the same lines.

Something is said to the OP that she found mildly offensive and the 'is he autistic' question is trotted out.

More feasible is that he's been raised a female dominant environment and thinks it's okay to chip in about female related topics/he has a strong need to be involved in every conversation/he offers unwanted advice/he's an attention seeker.

If he’s been brought up with 3 older sisters he’s probably heard a lot of “women talk” and he probably felt comfortable enough to join in.
It wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest.

We had a menopause at work session run by some female leaders, it was a good session. However, some men joined the session, it was open to all and they really wanted and tried to be 'allies'. But OMG their questions and comments... they tried to understand and show they were interested and cared, but it was almost hilariously ridiculous.
One asking if it was the same as having dyslexia😂one talking about how his wife gets really hot and wears layers, as a helpful tip for us 😂one asking if it was painful like childbirth😂 these were all professional men, not junior staff, they really did try to be supportive but were quite frankly ridiculous.

I hate that every time a woman says she's hot, it will be connected to menopause

I agree with PP that what you've said to shut down this topic should be enough. I wouldn't appreciate him speculating on anything relating to my health, but in this case it seems like a poorly considered attempt to join in on the conversation. Unless he continues to bring it up, I think you need to try not to let one weird joke or comment taint all future interactions with him. His comment wasn't that bad, anyway, just a bit awkward.