The ‘mental load’

[Cachall]

Does anyone else cringe when they read this term on here?

It's like grocery shopping. My DP messages me without fail when he's leaving work to say "do we need spring onions?" or "do we need tea bags?". I suppose at least he thinks to do this (and in fairness he always does the shopping, which I appreciate).

But its also like, FFS, am I expected to be hovering by the fridge all the time with a spreadsheet ready to spring into action and deliver a list? If I say I don't know because I'm in the office (which I am roughly twice a week) he'll sort of pause and sound a bit disappointed and go "oh... I thought you would know".

Couldn't you, knowing you are going to be doing the shopping in the evening, not check the fridge yourself in the morning and take a list? Why is it taken as read that I have to be the authority on this and why am I expected to maintain a running tally in my head of our current spring onion/bay leaf/tea bag/bog roll quota?

I'd take this any day over someone who didn't give a shit about any of this... DP actually does care and does consider it to be partly his responsibility. And yet it still rankles with me that it never crosses his mind to think that I might conceivably not be in a position to think about spring onions and bay leaves?

I find it amazing that so many things that are part of the mental load are apparently so bloody easy. Because all too frequently I find everything takes ages. My home insurance I left to auto renew. You'd think that would be it. But no,. They emailed in advance telling me how much it ould be, then charged me a totally different figure. So I try the automated chat service to query this. No other way of getting in touch. I end up in an autochat loop. Eventually get a person rather than a bot, who then needed me to quote every bit of information to find me on the system and to explain everything again for about the fifth time. They then needed to look into it and eventually told me they'd be back in touch via email. Which to be fair they did and it was resolved but still took up at least 30 minutes of my time.

Don't get me started on the time it takes to find any kind of tradesman. Or the number of bloody apps I currently have to monitor between a secondary school and a college. In addition the school sends out at least 3 emails a week.

I can see how some of these tasks would be easier if I had a job where I was sat at a computer with easy access to a phone but I don't get that at mine.

Yes, the first question I'm asking at the start of the school year is "which days are PE days?" 😂. It probably dawns on my DH a few weeks/months in.

People who use the term 'mental load' or 'life admin', might as well just say 'my partner is shit', as nobody in a happy relationship would use these terms.

Seen someone use the word 'kidmin' on here. Now that was annoying 🤣

You’re about to be shot down in flames for that.

but I totally agree with you

Mental load:

Mental load refers to the continuous cognitive effort and emotional responsibility involved in managing and organising tasks, planning ahead, and ensuring that daily life or work runs smoothly.

(Oxford Review)

I think mental load in a relationship is different to mental load as a single parent

I have three children with additional needs and absent father my father is unwell and im caring for him my sister does not help not even speaking to me my mother is pretty abusive too so im on my own desperately hanging onto threads tying knots when they break and praying I can hold on long enough

And my car needs a service ive been driving around with a giant orange spanner for weeks ive reached out to some people they haven't got back to me I dont have the brain space to keep going because something else always squeezes in first

Oh and I have a chronic health condition