Guys who aren't on/don't use social media - weird or refreshing?

[CircusofPuffins]

Interested to get people's opinions on this, as I suspect there might be a bit of a generational divide.

I was talking to one of my guy friends recently, when the topic of social media came up in the context of dating/relationships. My friend is in his 30s, but not a big fan of social media at all - he deactivated his Facebook some years ago, and prefers simply to chat to friends via WhatsApp or Messenger. He has an Instagram account that he posts to sporadically, but never shares photos of himself - he's a keen walker, so shares photos from his walks.

We were talking as he was saying how he feels this would be an issue for some women, particularly in the early days of dating when a prospective partner might want to do some digging and feel uneasy if they were unable to find much of an online presence for them. And he joked that anyone he was in a relationship with would have to be okay with him being a bit of a mystery man in terms of not showing their partner off on social media, which some people may find important.

Personally, I feel this is quite refreshing - after all, previous generations never had social media and coped okay! And how many couples put a show on for social media of how great their relationship is, when secretly behind closed doors, it's anything but?

But what do you think? Would a man having very little activity on social media (or none at all) put you off, or is it something you'd be happy about?

YABU - A man not using social media is weird
YANBU - A man not using social media is refreshing

Well, other than Mn, my only SM usage is an Instagram where I post occasional photos of interesting graffiti, trees, or art exhibitions —I have only a couple of dozen followers, and the only accounts I follow are arts organisations and festivals. I’ve never used GB or Twitter:X. So it just wouldn’t be an issue for me.

I think if there were other red flags then it might be a cause for concern.
But in your friend's case his reasons and life style add up and he sounds he just genuinely doesn't " do" social media. So I would think anyone contemplating a relationship with him wouldn't be put off.

Personally I would prefer a man who isn't on social media. I don't post on Facebook or insta and all that showy-off stuff, I can't be bothered with it all and prefer to just enjoy my life without posting pics to the world. Thankfully my DH is the same.

My DH has LinkedIn but posts infrequently but usually even that is sharing other info about his company. And WhatsApp. Nothing else.

I probably wouldn’t date him and have cancelled a date for that reason. I have good reason for this.

How is not having social media a cause for concern under any circumstances? What an odd thing to say.

I'm 40s and deactivated my social media afew years ago because im a private person and honestly didn't like how fake it was. People adding you as a friend and then ignoring you in the street, couples posting about their perfect relationships when you know they're always fighting/cheating. Etc

I'd rather a partner without it tbh.

Interesting - do you mind sharing your reasons for that?

I don't think it's either weird or refreshing, really. It's just a personal choice.

I wouldn't think anything of it either way, unless they were really obsessive or vocal about their stance on it.

For example, I wouldn't think it was bad that a man didn't have social media, but I would think it was bad if he was judgemental/sneery/superior/paranoid about it. There are some people especially on Mumsnet who have made hating social media into an entire personality and are convinced anyone who uses it must be vapid or egotistical or whatever, and that attitude is extremely tiresome.

Similarly, I wouldn't think it was bad if a man was active on social media, but I would think it was bad if he was the sort of person who fell out with people over whether or not they'd liked his Instagram post or wished him happy birthday on Facebook, or who spent hours curating a false image of himself through his Instagram posts. That would irritate me.

So, provided they're not extreme about either choice, it's fine.

I dont have any social media. Not a single thing. My DP has FB, insta etc. Its just a personal choice that wouldn't phase me.

Not weird or a red flag at all. Previous generations coped without it just fine. Some people find social media boring and tedious to keep up with.
My own 28 yo ds uses Instagram for his hobby & talks to pals on WhatsApp. Ditched Facebook after his account was hacked. He has no red flags.

That's a good point. My friend is fairly vocal in his dislike of social media, he believes it causes a lot of problems, but I've never heard him 'judge' people for using it as such. He just doesn't really understand it, I suppose.

he deactivated his Facebook some years ago, and prefers simply to chat to friends via WhatsApp or Messenger. He has an Instagram account that he posts to sporadically, but never shares photos of himself - he's a keen walker, so shares photos from his walks

This sounds completely normal to me and it's how a lot of people (not just men!) use social media in 2025.

I've enjoyed the benefits of social media a lot in the past but it became pretty clear to me a few years ago that they were being outweighed by the toxicity and the addiction to social media validation. I haven't deactivated any of my profiles, but I haven't updated Facebook since the pandemic, I got off Twitter a couple of years ago and I just never got into Instagram.

A lot of people I know only really post pictures of nice scenery or interesting buildings or art they like, and don't really see the point of posting photos of themselves (if I used Instagram I would do the same).

Requiring your partner to have social media is a little bonkers to me. And needing to show off your relationship on it has always been utterly cringeworthy, even when social media was good 15 years ago.

I think its a cause for concern if there is possibility someone is trying to hide what is going on in their lives.

I think if you are starting a relationship with a total stranger there are so many creeps and dangerous people about sometimes being able to see a footprint on social media is helpful just to verify who they are.

Don't get me wrong: I don't use social media myself and I'm not interested in it. But I'm not, and will never be, in the position of thinking about starting a new relationship with anyone. And so my safety doesn't depend on knowing about strangers I'm thinking of interacting with.

I don’t use social media and I’m not weird nor do I have anything to hide, quite the opposite in fact. SM accounts are a facade. Digging into someone’s sm past makes me feel queasy, I don’t know why, it just seems suspicious and intrusive.

My DH doesn't use any social media, he tried LinkedIn once to get more contacts and see jobs on there but his ex found the account so he removed it. He doesn't ever really seem to be into social media at all.

It didn't occur to me to be an issue when we first got together, and it wouldn't put me off anyone else either.

I've not used social media in 15 years, most of my friends don't either (ie they might follow some accounts on Instagram or Facebook, but they don't post). I wouldn't say it's refreshing, I see it as normal in my circles. It's more of a red flag if people live their lives on Instagram.

I have Instagram and Facebook but I don't use either very much. Can't remember what I last posted.

Wouldn't bat an eyelid if a guy didn't have it, I know many people without it and many people who have deactivated it.

Yeah, I get the argument for this. Sadly, it's now easier than ever to pretend to be someone you're not online, through catfishing or using AI or whatever. I think naturally it's a good idea to have your guard up around strangers, and so I can understand why if someone wanted to try and find out about someone they were meeting for a date and couldn't find anything, it might seem a bit unusual.

Refreshing. My best friend isn’t on any SM. I am also so glad not to have Insta or Tiktok

DP doesn’t use social media. Never has, never will. He’s in his 50s, however, so he was already an adult before SM was invented and he has never shown any interest in it. Maybe it’s a generational thing.

I don't really mind either way.
Someone who just isn't interesting in social media, yes absolutely.
Someone who has a moderate use (as in not doom-scrolling as a hobby) of instagram, no problem.
Someone who's doing some cringy dance or voice-over videos on Tiktok, certainly not.

Also, I don't think I could get intimate with a guy who posts some corporate bullshit full of emojis on Linkedin but one has to eat after all.

This I just have to hear.

It's neither.

Sound great. Why would it be an issue? Social media is a recent thing. Getting to know someone in real life is much better. My late DH never used it. I only use FB (don’t have insta, TikTok or anything else), and I have friends who only use SM for business contacts. All totally normal, trustworthy people. In fact too much social media and I’d wonder about their real life skills!

I find posting on social media very unmanly. I also don't warm to women who post a great deal. My husband doesn't use it, and my closest friends post very rarely, if ever. It just isn't something a large proportion of the population do. Reading about how it rules people's lives and affects relationships on MN makes me think
😳
Officially, of course, MN is social media but being anonymous makes it different somehow. And I'd be amazed if any of my friends used it. I'm just bored generally so flit around on it.