Guys who aren't on/don't use social media - weird or refreshing?

[CircusofPuffins]

Interested to get people's opinions on this, as I suspect there might be a bit of a generational divide.

I was talking to one of my guy friends recently, when the topic of social media came up in the context of dating/relationships. My friend is in his 30s, but not a big fan of social media at all - he deactivated his Facebook some years ago, and prefers simply to chat to friends via WhatsApp or Messenger. He has an Instagram account that he posts to sporadically, but never shares photos of himself - he's a keen walker, so shares photos from his walks.

We were talking as he was saying how he feels this would be an issue for some women, particularly in the early days of dating when a prospective partner might want to do some digging and feel uneasy if they were unable to find much of an online presence for them. And he joked that anyone he was in a relationship with would have to be okay with him being a bit of a mystery man in terms of not showing their partner off on social media, which some people may find important.

Personally, I feel this is quite refreshing - after all, previous generations never had social media and coped okay! And how many couples put a show on for social media of how great their relationship is, when secretly behind closed doors, it's anything but?

But what do you think? Would a man having very little activity on social media (or none at all) put you off, or is it something you'd be happy about?

YABU - A man not using social media is weird
YANBU - A man not using social media is refreshing

I am sure there are people that find others that spend their life on SM a red flag.

My kids are in their mid to late 20's and none of them are particularly active on social media. Don't use Instagram or linkedin.

Only SM I have is LinkedIn, which I only use to find people's career history. There is a Chrome extension that lets you unfollow everybody in one go. No more humble-brags and advertising.

I'd consider not having SM a postive thing in a date.

Honestly SM has made some people properly mad.
There are scores of posts on here where women moan about men who won't Like their stuff on SM or don't post about what they're doing together, like she wants to, or having to ask her BF to tell his friends what they're doing...

Why are people so caught up in their friends' reactions to what they're doing?!

Just get on with your lives people! If you enjoy it, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. 🫣

Why is the world obsessed with social media?

I think the tide is turning against social media platforms like Facebook and instagram.

I have both and don’t really use them, dh has none. He used to have Facebook but he deleted it a few years ago now.

Do you think abusers advertise their abuse on social media? There are plenty of people portraying themselves as something they're not on SM. Like I said alot of it is fake.

Just because someone has a "good" online presence doesnt mean they are a good person. You'd be a fool to judge someone's character off their social media. Or to feel safe dating someone based off their digital footprint.

Apart from this I do not use it nor does DH or kids
We have a lot of friends who do not use it
None of us have any interest in looking at someone's dog - grandkids - dinner - garden - holiday villa etc
We contact by phone and arrange to meet for drink - meal - at a sports event etc

I don’t get it. Just curious, how old are you OP?
Lots of people I know don’t use it. I’ve recently deleted all mine cos with rising AI you don’t know what it’ll be able to do in future…

Also nothing can replace a real walk in the park with someone you like

I’m 28 and my opinion I think matches that of a lot people my age.
I think it’s refreshing when people aren’t on social media.
However, when it comes to online dating, I think having a stalk on someone’s social media can be a good gauge of whether you’re similar people, and it does help identify whether that person is normal as mean as that sounds.
If I was dating somebody that didn’t have social media, I would wonder if they actually did and was hiding something from me. If they had social media and only had a few followers or no likes on posts, a part of me would wonder why this is. It’s not that it is an issue in itself, but more could be indicative of an issue of that makes sense?
So, in conclusion, I find people not being on social media because it’s not for them pretty cool, however I don’t instantly trust that reasoning and wonder if there’s more to it.

Similar age to my friend - in my 30s.

I can see both perspectives, tbh. As I said originally, I think it's quite nice for someone to not be bothered about social media. But equally, I know girl friends of mine who enjoy having their partner on social media. One started a new relationship fairly recently and was quick to update her relationship status on Facebook to be 'in a relationship with...' and tagging him in statuses etc.

I don't think it should be seen as weird that some people don't bother with SM because they aren't interested in it. My DH is one of those people. Inevitably in this day and age, though, when so many people think they're entitled to peer into everyone's personal lives (I don't mean people on this thread, I mean more generally), some people will judge him as being 'weird' and having 'something to hide'. It's depressing.

Between not having social media, and wanting someone to have social media so you can stalk them before youre first date, I know what one I see as the bigger red flag

It’s neither “weird” nor “refreshing”.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to question or judge it

I don't use any, so I don't even think about it and it wouldn't occur to me to ask about it.

I haven't deactivated it because I never bothered in the first place and I think a grown man using it would actively put me off.

Neither DH or I have ever used any social media other than LinkedIn for work.

We have never had Facebook, Instagram or Tik tok accounts.

We use WhatsApp for messaging but that’s about it. Other than professional stuff on LinkedIn I don’t think there’s a single picture of either of us anywhere on a SM account.

We’ve clearly never been interested in using SM but also get put off by potential work issues as we are in senior roles where private accounts can cause issues. Our employers task an external agency to cleanse personal SM accounts to prevent any inadvertent reputational damage.

I've never been with a man who uses social media. Dare I say it.. I think it's effeminate.

Well i agree with you.
As I said in my original post I would only look at social media footprint if I had seen possible areas of concern about a person. It would be trying to find a bigger picture of who the person was, how he presented himself

If DP had done that when I started going out with him I would have dumped him instantly. I don't think I ever bothered to change mine from "single" because it didn't matter. (It probably still says single given that I haven't gone on to my FB page in half a decade...)

You're going to need to expand on this absolutely insane take. Why???

The obsession with weird, rigid gender roles knows no bounds on MN.

Only thing I’m on is this. Have no Google footprint at all. I’m probably a bit weird 😁

Yeah, how 'effeminate' to have friends and to enjoy seeing what's going on in their lives. Terrible. Any man who says 'Happy birthday mate' on Facebook or clicks Like on an Instagram update from his favourite band might as well just say goodbye to his balls and change his name to Susan.

It absolutely fucking astonishes me that in 2025 people are claiming its 'effeminate' or as per a PP, 'unmanly' to have an online presence. There's also a strong undertone of internalised misogyny in that view, actually.

My husband has no social media at all and mn is the only thing I use. I'm 39 and he's 56 so we're very old school in this house 😂 if I was a single woman I'd find it completely refreshing

Fake describes it perfectly. Also inane, vapid bullshit 😁

It's neither weird nor refreshing- just what he chooses.

I was in a 13 year relationship and looking at my FB page at the time you'd think I was single the entire time.
At some point you'd also forget I had a child.

My page was for connecting with friends and nosying in the things that interested me, so there wasn't a single picture of my partner and very few baby pictures of my daughter.

SM or lack thereof often tells you much of nothing, depending on how the person uses it. Some of the most prolific liars have a very active SM presence.