Guys who aren't on/don't use social media - weird or refreshing?

[CircusofPuffins]

Interested to get people's opinions on this, as I suspect there might be a bit of a generational divide.

I was talking to one of my guy friends recently, when the topic of social media came up in the context of dating/relationships. My friend is in his 30s, but not a big fan of social media at all - he deactivated his Facebook some years ago, and prefers simply to chat to friends via WhatsApp or Messenger. He has an Instagram account that he posts to sporadically, but never shares photos of himself - he's a keen walker, so shares photos from his walks.

We were talking as he was saying how he feels this would be an issue for some women, particularly in the early days of dating when a prospective partner might want to do some digging and feel uneasy if they were unable to find much of an online presence for them. And he joked that anyone he was in a relationship with would have to be okay with him being a bit of a mystery man in terms of not showing their partner off on social media, which some people may find important.

Personally, I feel this is quite refreshing - after all, previous generations never had social media and coped okay! And how many couples put a show on for social media of how great their relationship is, when secretly behind closed doors, it's anything but?

But what do you think? Would a man having very little activity on social media (or none at all) put you off, or is it something you'd be happy about?

YABU - A man not using social media is weird
YANBU - A man not using social media is refreshing

My husband doesn’t do social media. He has an Instagram account that he uses to follow artists, and he doesn’t share stuff.

Basically, we both find it really cringy when family and friends we know have had a really bad day, post a smiley picture saying how wonderful everything is. It makes me die a bit inside.
I have a friend who does it all the time, we could’ve had a really difficult day with our children, and she puts up a post pretending life is amazing. My brother-in-laws who are both struggling to do it all the time.
I find it embarrassing, but my husband finds it unbearably cringeworthy. So he just chooses not to partake.

also, that really American thing where people have an account and it’s just pictures of themselves at various places. Like you complete narcissist, let me stand over there and take a picture of you so I can post it to the world. Honestly, I think it’s rotting peoples brains.

To be fair, I think he’s the one who’s got it right, and the rest of us have got it wrong. It’s all a bit vacuous isn’t it.

DH hates social media! I do have insta. I don't think it's "unmanly" to have it but I do think couples posts are pretty cringe!

You are very weird to say a person who dosent use social media is weird.
They are the sensible ones. They are perfectly able to live their life without the need for validation and likes every day.
Most stuff you read on social media is boring, and people are constantly posting thinking everyone's interested in them and their everyday life.
🙄
Can't believe this is even a post.

I just assume they're married. What single guy in his 20's wouldn't be shouting that fact out on Facebook or Instagram?

With respect, I'm not saying it's weird at all - just that I know some people might do - and he was saying the same. I was interested to see whether that was the case or not.

I'm pleasantly surprised that most people seem to think it's fine!

Totally agree.

One who isn't a needy little wet wipe

I don't use social media apart from MN and watching YouTube occasionally. Neither does DH.

I'm mid 30's and DH is mid 40's.

Green flag from me

I've had three long term relationships since social media became a thing. None of them did much with it, and certainly I was not evident as a partner on the social media of any of them.

In two cases that's because they wanted to cheat, and didn't want prospective sex partners to immediately know they were in a relationship.
(The other guy it also wasn't a very nice reason - I think he thought I was a bit beneath him. I found out after we split that none of his colleagues knew of my existence, either. Very hurtful).

I am currently seeing someone on a very casual basis (more of a FWB) and while he isn't a massive user of social media, he has enough for me to have reassured myself he is single before I chose to take the connection further.

In some cases the reasons could be innocent of course - some guys (and some women) just don't like it. But because of past experiences it does raise my hackles a little.

On the other hand, I do have trust issues, so that might be why ......

My husband has 0 social media
no Facebook no insta tick tock Twitter absolutely nothing he’s nut interested in it at all

I have FB but not in my own name completely private no friends no personal pics
tick tock and insta I have but again not in my own name and no friends

you couldn’t find either of us on line anywhere
no photos nothing

Most people I know gave up social media a long time ago, apart from the odd FB post.

Yeah I probably should have expanded on it. I think how it is used is the key. Men who take lots of selfies and post regularly because they care about what others think of them come across as a bit girly IMO.

Well firstly he's not off social media if he uses Instagram. I don't post photos of myself on there but I'd never claim I don't use it because of that.

It wouldn't put me off someone, as long as they weren't a dick about it. (Being judgemental/feeling superior about it.)

I do have a friend who is very vocal about not doing social media, but then he'll also ask/expect other people to update him about various things on there. He also proudly 'doesn't do online' about a lot of things but then needs help when there are things that need/are easier to be done online such as buying things or applying for jobs etc. He acts like not being on social media makes him superior, but still wants all the benefits of it without actually using it. Same with online stuff, he doesn't want to deal with it but expects help from others with it when it's more convenient.

So yeah, as long as he's not like that.

Well I’m like your friend. My boyfriend is not and I think it was an issue for him - he didn’t say this but I could tell he wanted to show more stuff on his page about us. I didn’t like it and asked him not to. I could see he seemed disappointed as he was in love and wanted to shout about it so I let a few posts slide. Made me cringe inside out if I’m honest but it made him super happy seeing all the congrats messages. And that made me happy seeing him light up.

I actually ending up deleting Facebook for work/privacy issues that he understood. He’s still always taking pics of us doing stuff and posting it up there and inspirational memes about finding the one and all that crap. Seems to make him happy so I don’t really know about it so I dont care.

fwiw I don’t think either us is right or wrong.

Honestly, I think it’s kind of refreshing. Everyone’s so glued to their phones these days that it’s nice to meet someone who isn’t constantly posting or checking notifications. That said, I get why it might feel odd at first — we’re so used to being able to “check someone out” online. But if he’s genuine and communicative in real life, I’d take that over a guy who spends all day curating his Instagram.

My dh doesn't use sm he had it ages ago but deactivated it

I have Facebook but tbh I don't use it much at all me and dh use messenger to chat that's it really my FB isn't in my name theirs nothing public about me and couldn't be found on sm

I understand Cillian Murphy does not have social media, this massively impressed me.

If you need to rely on social media to let know if somone is suitable or not wouldn't it be best to stop dating and work on whatever issues you have going on first

I’m mid 30s and have no social media. It’s been liberating and I have so much extra time! I deleted Facebook and insta and my next step is to delete MN.

That's an interesting question. I think if it was someone I'd met through friends it wouldn't bother me at all but otherwise I think I would struggle with having nothing else to go on when considering dating someone.

I get that people until very recently managed to form relationships without social media existing at all but weren't they more likely to meet through people they were at least acquainted with? Or be from the same more tightly knit community than people today?

I would love to meet a man who had no social media at all. Im 38 and I would love to of been born back in a time where no internet or phones existed 😊