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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have cried at Dr not to send me home

231 replies

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 17:54

For 3 weeks I’ve had left flank pain that’s slowly been getting worse, coupled by loss of appetite and loss of weight for past 2 months (unintended). 3 days ago things really went down hill which ruined my work projects and the pain becoming so bad I started vomiting from the pain and passing out; this prompted me to see the GP who sent me straight to A&E.

29hrs later I’ve finally been told my blood test and urine test suggest something underlying but my CT scan came back clear so I can go come. He said maybe it’s an infection but my temperature isn’t that high.

I just burst into tears at the thought of going home in this pain with no meds to fix anything. He was taken back by my reaction and asked if I felt I needed to stay, I explained what’s been going on and he was surprised as he hadn’t realised how long it had been going on for (I had said on arrival and it was in my GP letter). I then begged to not be sent home and he has agreed but now I feel silly.

OP posts:
MaurineWayBack · 16/10/2025 20:24

Xpost.

Im sorry @Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave
Thats appauling.

dazedbutstillhere · 16/10/2025 20:25

It is really scary these days.
I almost died recently because the emergency call handler was absolutely determined they would NOT be sending an ambulance. DH was literally begging them.
Eventually they grudgingly relented.
The paramedic diagnosed my heart attack and they got me to hospital as fast as possible. Out of the ambulance and straight into resus. I am still traumatised.
OP, I hope they get you sorted out. Thank goodness the doctor admitted you.

Firedrink · 16/10/2025 20:25

That is so shocking.
Can you refuse to be discharged as you feel so awful?

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 20:25

It was all so aggressively done too, she just came in and pushed my IV through quickly and threw the discharge letter on the table and told me to go home

OP posts:
dazedbutstillhere · 16/10/2025 20:27

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 20:22

Well that didn’t last long, they’re now discharging me. I asked if I can at least have pain meds as it’s on my chart I was prescribed them and they’re now implying I’m trying to get them without needing them. I’m so broken. They’ve given me the discharge letter and said they need the bed.

Oh God. Cross posted! I am so sorry, that is dreadful. Have you got anybody that can advocate for you? It is just getting so dangerous now.

dazedbutstillhere · 16/10/2025 20:28

Please complain via PALS.
It is the sheer rudeness and aggression that is so awful.
I hope you can remember her name.
These people shouldn't be doing the job IMO.

Mischance · 16/10/2025 20:31

Oh heavens ... my heart us with you. Been there, done that. I have a heart problem and know how all this feels from countless A&E visits.
They sent me home one time when I was having a heart attack FFS.
It is not just the physical illness that you have to deal with but also the psychological damage of being treated in an offhand manner. I know this scenario so well.
You have done nothing wrong. You are ill and need care. Sending a hand hold.

RafaistheKingofClay · 16/10/2025 20:31

Ask them for a review under Martha’s law. I would specifically want to know why if they mentioned sepsis an hour ago they think it isn’t now. If you have a temp of 40 and a potential source of infection what is making them think it isn’t.

If you do end up going home, do not hesitate to turn back up at A&E if you get any worse at all.

BettysRoasties · 16/10/2025 20:36

It’s terrible lately. Only a few months ago a friends dear granny was discharged after a fall. Apparently all fine perfect Infact. She died from sepsis days after.

Nhs is just trying to get people in and out while they are also stuck with bed hogger who are genuinely well enough to leave but need a care plan.

autienotnaughty · 16/10/2025 20:37

You poor thing have they ruled out kidney infection?

RafaistheKingofClay · 16/10/2025 20:38

My own hospital have been outstanding both times I’ve had sepsis from kidney issues. But I’ve heard enough stories to worry when I travel around the U.K. I’d imagine that if they desperately need the bed then that’s when mistakes are more likely to happen.

Firedrink · 16/10/2025 20:41

Excellent idea regarding invoking Martha's Law.
Ask for that nurse's/consultants name and tell them you will be reporting to PAL's.

This is dreadful.
I'm so sorry.

Screwyoudavid · 16/10/2025 20:42

I was going to send you a DM but can't see how to do that. Ask them to refer you to the community Virtual Ward team (presuming you are in England), I work for one and you would meet our criteria for post discharge monitoring which is still consultant led. This is the issue all the time, lack of beds, staff too busy to really care. You need monitoring at home op.

Seagullstopitnow · 16/10/2025 20:48

I've been treated very cruelly by nurses too.
Please don't let them fob you off, what happened about the suspected sepsis ffs?!

KidsDr · 16/10/2025 20:49

From time to time, I am asked to review and make a plan for a patient I have not clerked in myself. So that the description of their symptoms is second hand via verbal handover, or written notes. When I make the plan to send home, I always summarise an overview of the situation and ask the parent if they are happy and have any questions.

And on a few occasions, usually when I'm under a lot of time pressure and have been rushing, it turns out that are very not happy and that this is because I have made a complete mistake or omission in my understanding of the history of the symptoms.

In this instance, I feel grateful to the parent for speaking up because they have potentially saved us both a deal of trouble. Good doctors, I believe, want to enable their patients to speak up and correct them where they have misunderstood or just plain got something wrong. Patients (or in my case parents of patients) are oftentimes the best safety net a doctor could ask for.

If you are concerned, frightened, not reassured, think the doctor is or even may be mistaken in something, you should not keep it to yourself. You are helping your doctor (and yourself or course) by speaking up. Good doctors will see it this way. Rather than you being embarrassed, they probably feel embarrassed by the misunderstanding.

And btw, bursting into tears is nothing to be ashamed of - we've evolved crying for a reason, because it effectively communicates our feelings & evokes an emotional response even to/in strangers, and often to our advantage. That has clearly been the case here. Those tears did their job!

Hope you are feeling better soon.

cannynotsay · 16/10/2025 20:50

This makes no sense the suspect sepsis no sending you home have they said the blood work was clear

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/10/2025 20:58

KidsDr · 16/10/2025 20:49

From time to time, I am asked to review and make a plan for a patient I have not clerked in myself. So that the description of their symptoms is second hand via verbal handover, or written notes. When I make the plan to send home, I always summarise an overview of the situation and ask the parent if they are happy and have any questions.

And on a few occasions, usually when I'm under a lot of time pressure and have been rushing, it turns out that are very not happy and that this is because I have made a complete mistake or omission in my understanding of the history of the symptoms.

In this instance, I feel grateful to the parent for speaking up because they have potentially saved us both a deal of trouble. Good doctors, I believe, want to enable their patients to speak up and correct them where they have misunderstood or just plain got something wrong. Patients (or in my case parents of patients) are oftentimes the best safety net a doctor could ask for.

If you are concerned, frightened, not reassured, think the doctor is or even may be mistaken in something, you should not keep it to yourself. You are helping your doctor (and yourself or course) by speaking up. Good doctors will see it this way. Rather than you being embarrassed, they probably feel embarrassed by the misunderstanding.

And btw, bursting into tears is nothing to be ashamed of - we've evolved crying for a reason, because it effectively communicates our feelings & evokes an emotional response even to/in strangers, and often to our advantage. That has clearly been the case here. Those tears did their job!

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Edited

RTFT

She's now been discharged.

Lougle · 16/10/2025 20:59

How does the discharge letter justify the decision to discharge? Does it have your highest and lowest NEWS score on there?

Kirbert2 · 16/10/2025 21:01

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 20:25

It was all so aggressively done too, she just came in and pushed my IV through quickly and threw the discharge letter on the table and told me to go home

They think you might have sepsis and they are sending you home? Ask for Martha's rule, don't let them fob you off.

Feeling so very awful is a sign of sepsis too.

Tapsthemic · 16/10/2025 21:04

Sounds so horrid, I’m sorry OP. Never feel bad for advocating for yourself - it’s sad but true that it’s required more now than ever. Holding your hand xxx

frockandcrocs · 16/10/2025 21:16

Why should you feel silly? You might have been upset but you advocated for yourself and were listened to- you should feel proud of yourself!

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 21:18

dad collected me and asked, apparently it’s only “suspected sepsis” and so I can manage that at home as I’ve had all the antibiotics they can give me and there’s nothing more they would do, oh and there’s no doctors around now until after midnight.

dads taken me back to his to monitor me

OP posts:
TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 16/10/2025 21:21

I'm glad you're admitted. Could be worth having a colonoscopy too in case something shows up there. Especially with the weight loss. The doctors will investigate now anyway

BountifulPantry · 16/10/2025 21:22

Whatsthematterwiththebatinthecave · 16/10/2025 20:25

It was all so aggressively done too, she just came in and pushed my IV through quickly and threw the discharge letter on the table and told me to go home

in the health service you have to ADVOCATE constantly for adequate care.

Shocking that he suggested you go home.

Izzywizzy85 · 16/10/2025 21:27

“Suspected sepsis” should be treated as actual sepsis until proven otherwise. I’m really shocked they have discharged you.