Weird Mother Rant

[Finetoday]

INotBU= You know what she’s like let it wash over you.
IABU = She’s a nasty horrible crow and I can vent all I want

I am a single parent with a grown up SEN DD. We respite Foster. My mother HATES us doing this. She hates calling at my house seeing a child there. She hates that we have nice times together.

This week has been foster care appreciation day - we were invited for a sit down dinner with drinks. We won a nice award for years of service - nothing fancy, but flowers so I was made up,
Mother literally sneered at them when I showed her.
This morning DD received a parcel in the post from them so I sent my mother a photo (it was an edible thing with a card). I sent my mum a photo because it was so nice,

Her reply - ‘don’t you ever stop showing off - She (DD) doesn’t even do anything’

I sent her a photo of the card where they thanked her for opening her home and her heart - she’s now cancelled coming for dinner tonight (at my house with me cooking), and said she’ll walk her own dog (the reason for invite as I’m walking her dog while she’s not well).

I genuinely don’t show off - I won employee of the month last week and passed a really hard exam but wouldn’t tell her either of those things 🙈 I just thought their acknowledgement of DD was really nice.

She also asked what the homeless vulnerable children do for DD but that’s another story !

Thought I’d feel better after a rant but I don’t ☹️ Vote some sense into me so it doesn’t ruin my good mood 🙈

Sorry - but what a bloody nasty bitch!!

I’d slip into conversation at some point…. “Careful mother, or in a few years time my caring will have reached its limits”

For what it’s worth, what you and your daughter do for others is incredible, and SHOULD be “shown off”

She sounds like a nasty woman. What happens if you withdraw a bit? Stop sending her messages, stop expecting kind words from her, see her less?

She sounds like a horrible, nasty cow to me and I wouldn’t be telling her anything about me in future and if she doesn’t like seeing your respite foster children at your house, tell her to sod off back to her own house.
As a Foster carer for over 20 years she would get short shrift from me.
Horrible woman!!!

What a delight she is.

My extra rantiness from her dismissing DD contribution to fostering.
She has significant SEN so I always make a fuss of what she can do - and this is something she really enjoys.

She’s a horrible nasty crow 😩

Don’t share things with her if you suspect this might be her reaction. She’s obviously being needlessly nasty. In fact dial contact back completely. She’s clearly jealous or resentful or something. Was she a good mum to you growing up?

Love this and love that your DD is involved. I used to foster as a single mother and always really enjoyed the foster appreciation dinner :) Your mother is truly horrible. Rant away!

Your mum's a cunt. Luckily for you, your daughter and the children you foster, you haven’t taken after her.

I can't believe you can't share that you won employee of the month with your mother. Or that you passed an exam! What an utter cow she is. She's a nasty bitter bitch not to be pleased that your work is acknowledged and celebrated.

Vent away

She's horrible, bitter and jealous.
I wouldn't bother sending her any photos or messages from now on about anything. The message about DD would rile me enough to go NC to be honest.

Think you need to stick to talking about the weather with her
You'll never get what you need from her so don't share achievements with her

Whilst she’s obviously jealous and petty you must have known she would not respond well to you sending her that photo so I do think that you were provoking her.

I would stop messaging her altogether and let her do the running. Don’t tell her anything about you or your families life anymore.

I suspect that you being a foster mother and fabulous mother to your DD makes her feel inadequate in comparison to her own parenting of you. It feels like a threat to her and heightens her inner insecurity. It's something she knows she could never do.

I agree with others to stop sharing good things if you can. These sorts of mothers will enjoy pissing on anyone's parade and always find a way to make something good feel bad, or something bad feel worse. They compare everyone to themselves, everything is a competition and they think the world revolves around them. I only talk about banal things with my own mother now, as she has behaved in the same despicable way towards me and my son. I agree it's rage inducing, but it's not a you problem - Its her

I think that if I knew someone really disliked something that I did, I would probably not keep showing them things like cards and flowers I'd received for doing that thing.

However - regardless of this, your mum sounds absolutely horrible. What the fuck is her problem with you fostering in the first place? Has she articulated to you why she hates it? It's such an odd reaction. I think most parents would be really proud of their daughter and granddaughter for providing a service like this to kids who needed it. You're doing a wonderful thing that helps lots of families.

Is your mum difficult in general or has this weirdness come from nowhere?!

She is mean. I am sorry. It's amazing you give such love to others ❤️

She does sound very envious/jealous. I think if it was me, I'd just slowly withdraw information, tell her the bare minimum. Bit extreme but you might want to consider cutting contact. Remember just because people are family, doesn't mean that 1. they're nice people and 2. you need to be in contact with them. Sounds like you're doing ok in life, don't let her ruin that.

What do you think is behind it OP?

It's pretty strange to be anti-fostering, isn't it? I mean most people would think you're a saint!

It’s awful to have a cruel woman as a mum. It’s not the norm op. I’m absolutely chuffed with my adult children. My adult dc just went on a bus to a big town by themselves for the first time. I am so proud of them and they know it! I had to go NC with cruel parent so I feel your pain. Every interaction was just a variation of them saying ‘I hate you’ one way or another. Terrible for the soul.

It was a turning point for me realising it's not normal for your family to sneer at nice things that happen to you.

I'm sorry you have a horrible dm too.

I have so much admiration for foster families, what a difficult and fantastic thing to do. Your mother is weird and ridiculous but mean too.

For context, my mother is a really brilliant baker. I am terrible at baking but whenever I have made my DC a birthday cake I spam her with several photos of it and she pretends to be extremely "wowed" (and I pretend to believe her!). Because that's what families do.

I just want to say well done and you should be proud xxxx
it’s hurtful what she’s said - and you should tell her this . She absolutely needs to hear that and be called out on it

Why wouldn’t you share anything positive with your mum? She sounds deeply unpleasant. Do you think she’s jealous? Usually people who put down others are unhappy in their own lives.

Never mind your awful mother but absolute kudos to you and your DD. What you do makes such a difference to young lives and I’m so glad you have been recognised.

your mum should be celebrating your achievements and shouting you both from the rooftops. I’m so sorry shes not

Your mum sounds just like mine! She never celebrates my achievements (just tells me off for bragging or says I'm getting too big for my boots) so I don't bother telling her anymore. It's very sad.
What you and your DD do sounds very rewarding and any recognition you get from others is well deserved. You should celebrate and be proud.

I can’t imagine my mum not praising me for something I have achieved. No matter my age.

You have done a great thing and you can “show off” if you want to as you have earned it.

I got confused on how to vote as you aren’t being unreasonable but I think you did it the other way around!!