Weird Mother Rant

[Finetoday]

INotBU= You know what she’s like let it wash over you.
IABU = She’s a nasty horrible crow and I can vent all I want

I am a single parent with a grown up SEN DD. We respite Foster. My mother HATES us doing this. She hates calling at my house seeing a child there. She hates that we have nice times together.

This week has been foster care appreciation day - we were invited for a sit down dinner with drinks. We won a nice award for years of service - nothing fancy, but flowers so I was made up,
Mother literally sneered at them when I showed her.
This morning DD received a parcel in the post from them so I sent my mother a photo (it was an edible thing with a card). I sent my mum a photo because it was so nice,

Her reply - ‘don’t you ever stop showing off - She (DD) doesn’t even do anything’

I sent her a photo of the card where they thanked her for opening her home and her heart - she’s now cancelled coming for dinner tonight (at my house with me cooking), and said she’ll walk her own dog (the reason for invite as I’m walking her dog while she’s not well).

I genuinely don’t show off - I won employee of the month last week and passed a really hard exam but wouldn’t tell her either of those things 🙈 I just thought their acknowledgement of DD was really nice.

She also asked what the homeless vulnerable children do for DD but that’s another story !

Thought I’d feel better after a rant but I don’t ☹️ Vote some sense into me so it doesn’t ruin my good mood 🙈

I’m sorry your mum is a nasty, horrible crow op. I would absolutely be limiting my time with the old bat!

Your mum sounds like a complete cow.

Wow, she’s truly awful. For your sake and your daughter’s, I would be having as little to do with her as possible. Can’t understand mums who don’t cheer for their own children, she’s got serious issues. We’ll find for all your hard work, you sound lovely.

It's strange your DM must have raised you to be the kind person you are and yet she hates you achieving anything. Has she always been like this or is it something that came on in later years?

What an absolutely disgusting reaction to you doing something so fabulous! If you were my daughter I’d be the one doing the showing off … about you! I feel a bit sorry for the dog having to tolerate her company.

If my mum was that horrible I honestly don't think I would see her/speak to her at all. You and your DD are doing a beautiful thing making a difference in these children's lives and you deserve ALL the accolades! Well done to you both 💐

Thank you all for your lovely encouragement it’s made me feel
loads better 🙂

I don’t tell her anything much anymore, especially the good stuff because she has a long history of making me feel shit.
She saw the flowers because she called round for me to walk her dog for her.
I havent told her about the work stuff (definitely never talk about my job - good or bad !).
It was because it was for DD I thought she might extend some praise but clearly not ☹️

I don’t know why she is how she is, she wasn’t brilliant when we were young but has definitely got worse with age.
She is particularly vitriolic about other people’s adult daughters - says awful things about them and I know only knows them fleetingly. Their mums love spending time with them and helping them out - for some reason she’s besides herself with rage over it ! What’s important to say, is that she was like this with my older sister who passed away fairly young (20s). Maybe she regrets helping her (and my nephew) so much and thinks she’d still be alive if she hadn’t ??
I feel this is connected to her hated of me fostering.

I’d never but those 2 together before ! If not, then I have no other excuses !

Wow if your own Mum can’t be proud of you, then who can. You are amazing to these children. congratulations xx

Let me guess....your mum is one of those people who dote on their dogs and don't feel they need human relationships?

I see it as my job as a mother to praise ALL my kids' achievements, big or small. When they tell me they've had a raise, or a promotion at work I practically tell the whole neighbourhood, I'm that proud!

Your mother is unnatural. We should all want our children to succeed - is she jealous of you, OP?

She's jealous of you both
Don't share anything more with her, keep conversations to the weather and what you'd like her to choke on for her tea
Different circs to you but my 'Mother' is exactly the same
Know yours and your DD's worth and just give her the bare minimum
You can't change her behaviour towards you but you can change your behaviour towards her and that will bring you peace in the end and more emotional energy to do the wonderful job that you do

Stop telling her anything. When she asks you things say "I don't want to discuss it mum" and do not let her persuade you. It is hard but will give you your power back. The first time my mum found out some very good news I'd had from someone else she went berserk so I just said "Yeah, this is why I stopped telling you" and BINGO she was cured, or almost cured. It only takes a raised eyebrow to get her to pipe down now.

More flowers 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

You really both deserve them. Not sure what's wrong with DM...but please don't let her dull your celebrations 🎉🎊🥳🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊🎉 Congratulations

Sorry, I think of voted thw wrong way... she's a horrible nasty cow, vent all you want.

If she lost her DD maybe this is at the heart of it Op, your DM's grief has turned to bitterness that other mothers and daughters are close when her child is gone

But she was horrible to her deceased daughter when she was alive and is carrying this on with OP and her grandaughhter. She just sounds like a horrible bitter old woman.

@thepariscrimefiles you're right, I missed that point.

Frankly, you seem to be a wonderful caring person in spite of your mother. You’ve raised a lovely caring DD despite her too. And multiple foster children have benefitted.

It’s an amazing gift to share your home, your care and your time with a child that needs a moment of normal in a crazy world. Please carry on being you and tune your mother out.

Maybe she is triggered by seeing people do nice positive things? Certainly sounds that way. Not that it is ok, mind you, but I think sometimes people who are shitty are extra incensed by seeing people not being that way.

Cant stand thinking you’ve done better than her. Jealousy is a terrible thing.

She’s fucking nuts but you are excellent for letting having a horrible mum shape you into who you are; what you do is incredibly special, both the parenting and the fostering, and most people couldn’t hack it for a day. Life gave you a lemon mum and you made lemonade 😍🤣 xx

Your mum is bad news, what a shame. Mean of her to be so joyless about her granddaughter.

Does she think (wrongly ) that all your efforts should go into your DD rather than your fosterlings? I don’t know, just trying to figure how her mind works. Your Mum sounds a deeply unhappy / unpleasant person.

Horrible for you to have to endure this behaviour and well done for not being bitter and twisted and doing great things.

I am as ever always fascinated why people behave the way they do. Especially in a situation like this where you are doing something positive and giving back.

I imagine underneath her nastiness is a sad hurt person who doesn’t like life very much. Perhaps she resented her role as a mother and her own mother was nasty or emotionally neglectful.

Appreciate knowing why doesn’t excuse her poor behaviour but I guess it helps with awareness that it’s a problem with her to solve and not you.

If it was anyone else you knew would you even bother speaking to them again? So why is it ok to let your mum talk to you like that?
I'd actually cut her out. No more help, she can hire a dog walker. No more invites, she can cook her own dinner or go out or get meals on wheels.
She's a terrible mother. And an awful person. Don't even let her near your kids because at some point she's going to start saying that shit to them and worse.
Congratulations btw you sound like you deserve all the accolades.