Dynamic between DH and ex college friend who is now our DC’s teacher…

[Greenacremile]

A bit of a strange one. Someone DH went to college with many years ago is now our DC’s teacher.

DH hasn’t been in contact with this person for years but was aware of them having become a teacher and that there was a possibility of our DC being taught by them given she teaches at the same school.

DH doesn’t do many school runs due to his job but did last week when on holiday and they were chatting like old friends across multiple days and having a right laugh. He found out she’s recently separated from the father of her two children.

He asked me yesterday if I thought it would be odd if he asked her to go for a coffee so they can catch up properly(!). I said it would probably be seen as a bit odd if a parent asked a teacher to meet socially. He disagrees, said she is an old friend and ‘there’s obviously nothing romantic, although I do remember spending many a dull lesson admiring her bottom’(!)

I just find it bloody strange…I don’t have any suspicions in that sense but it just seems unnecessary?

"Middle age has taken hold" ?!! So he's still looking at her bottom isn't he, and telling you! No way would I be waving him off for a cosy coffee catch up. What a creep.

Grim. He's clearly enjoyed their chats. Hogged her time at playground handover time and now wants a coffee meet up and has admitted he used to admire her arse?! Does he hear himself?!

Seems a bit random to me too that she has been discussing her divorce in the playground at handover with a parent.

@Greenacremilehe can ask but it would be highly inappropriate. She is his child’s teacher and will not want to socialise with a parent from her class.

I say this as an ex primary school teacher. I taught many children of colleagues and friends. A teacher who values their professionalism will take a step back temporarily from friendships if said child is in their class. I know some may disagree with me but professional boundaries are very important.

So it is inappropriate to ask and for her to accept. And downright inappropriate to ask as he has already made comments about her body.

Whatever you have to tell yourself ...

Seriously, your husband is a knob.

He’s asked OP, so that if anything goes ‘wrong’, it’ll be his DW’s fault?
& WHY “ they can catch up properly(!) ?? would they need to do this 🙄.

Are you also middle aged with a child or two? Does that mean your ass is not attractive anymore too? Hes putting her down to make you feel better. Id personally find that very unattractive and a little insulting that he would think my self esteem is so low I need my man to slag off other women to build me up.

I disagree - and i am guessing this is something we would have to agree to disagree on - it's only a certain kind of men who would I think, and teenagers/young adolescents and men who haven't grown up. You need to raise your bar a little higher OP.

I'm genuinely sorry you have been put in this awkward situation OP. I hope this blows over for you and esp. your children's sake. I wouldn't ever trust him a 100% though. He sounds like someone whose head could be turned.

@Greenacremile look at the relationship board.
There’s lots of posts from women whose “D”H in the midlife crisis decided there are far more exciting things in life than boring wife and kids.

It’s not called “midlife crisis” without a reason.

This is a hard no from me.

He’s testing the waters with the “spent many a dull lesson admiring her bottom”, to gauge your reaction.

Nip this in the bud now before it gets started

Yes darling, we can both go. I would love to chat with her .

Well he's obviously not thought it through has he. What if she pushes it and comes on to him then he finally comes to his senses and rejects her. What is your child's school life going to be like?
If she is any sort of professional, she will refuse to meet him on his own. If they want any sort of ongoing friendship, it needs to include you and all the children. It would still be a bit dodgy though with your child being in their class. Any whiff of favouritism and their life will be hell.
Tell him to grow up and behave like a decent human being.