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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming with this guy

58 replies

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 06:42

So I have been very casually dating a guy for about year, my choice i am a single
parent and my 11 year old comes first and we are going through assessments etc for ASD so he know I am not interested in commitment. I see him once a week usually, he’s good company and a laugh but as I got to know him more ive realised he is so lazy…turn off.

Anyway I had quite a lot of valuable things and decided before Christmas I’d put them on Vinted to help with costs for this Christmas. For some reason it wouldn’t let me add my bank details so I said can I add yours and will you transfer it. I made a sale it wasn’t much money £50 so the money went to him i was with him and I said transfer it over. He said I can’t my bank charges have taken it. I wasn’t happy and I said I want it tomorrow. That was Sunday and he has ignored me since. I am not contacting him again and if he contacts me he’s getting told to piss off. Write the money off. I feel like he’s trying to make out that I am in the wrong for getting mad at him. Also he is a total love bomber, dont think I have ever heard him call me by name just gorgeous and I hate it makes me cringe.

I don’t feel hurt or anything but what an absolute prick. I certainly pick them even in the most casual way. I genuinely want to stay single for good now I am done and happy to be done. I don’t know what happened to decent guys.

OP posts:
Wethers121 · 16/10/2025 06:48

What a prat OP. I’d stay well clear of him from now on.

autienotnaughty · 16/10/2025 06:52

I’d try to get the money then dump his ass. This is why it’s better to take things slow and make sure you know the whole person.

Shr3dding · 16/10/2025 06:54

Slightly off topic but I'd be looking into why my own bank details wouldn't work, that seems very odd, have you had any other banking problems

Also stop seeing him, he doesn't sound like a worthwhile catch

NJLX2021 · 16/10/2025 06:58

Screams of lazy/careless, rather than anything malicious.

Good thing you didn't get too involved.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:00

autienotnaughty · 16/10/2025 06:52

I’d try to get the money then dump his ass. This is why it’s better to take things slow and make sure you know the whole person.

Once a week for year doesn’t get much slower than that. He has never given me any reason to think he is not trust worthy in that sense so I am surprised. Obviously like everyone else i am struggling a bit for Christmas and I just think what a shit head he knows why am doing the Vinted thing.

I am not chasing him for the money, if it gets rid of him and his constant overbearing flattery that’s a good thing. At first he seemed to have his shit together but as he’s let his guard down he’s a bit of a slob so I was looking at him differently think he picked up on this and thought I wlll steal her cash on my way out. Twat

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 16/10/2025 07:06

You seem to know all about him OP. I've never spent money on getting rid of bfs though. Get the cash off him, you said you needed it for dd's Christmas presents.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:11

NJLX2021 · 16/10/2025 06:58

Screams of lazy/careless, rather than anything malicious.

Good thing you didn't get too involved.

The thing is though he knew my money would be eaten up I asked before I pressed to release it that’s what made me angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:12

Shr3dding · 16/10/2025 06:54

Slightly off topic but I'd be looking into why my own bank details wouldn't work, that seems very odd, have you had any other banking problems

Also stop seeing him, he doesn't sound like a worthwhile catch

Not sure why haven’t had any problems with my bank but did have a Vinted ages ago and forgot details so started a new one could be that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:13

Shr3dding · 16/10/2025 06:54

Slightly off topic but I'd be looking into why my own bank details wouldn't work, that seems very odd, have you had any other banking problems

Also stop seeing him, he doesn't sound like a worthwhile catch

No, I am turned off by lazy men.

OP posts:
Theimpossiblegirl · 16/10/2025 07:16

I'd be checking he hasn't taken any credit cards etc out in your name if I were you.

PollyBell · 16/10/2025 07:21

Yea he should give you the money but you shouldn't have done this in the first place

And he made you cringe why stay with him, casual or not, maybe have higher standards in future

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:26

tripleginandtonic · 16/10/2025 07:06

You seem to know all about him OP. I've never spent money on getting rid of bfs though. Get the cash off him, you said you needed it for dd's Christmas presents.

No can’t say I have paid to get rid of a man before and DD will get more than enough for Christmas but just his whole attitude about it and at no point has he transferred any money. Leaves me thinking he is a bit of rat and I don’t want to even speak to him. No apology nothing.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/10/2025 07:27

Bank charges of £50?
That sounds like he has has an 'unauthorised' bank overdraft.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:29

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 16/10/2025 07:27

Bank charges of £50?
That sounds like he has has an 'unauthorised' bank overdraft.

He said his phone hasn’t been working only wattsapp I think he hadn’t paid the bill and knew that my money would be swallowed up. That’s why I think he’s an arsehole.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 16/10/2025 07:29

Voted YABU for trusting this guy you have been 'casually' dating with your money. An expensive mistake to make.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:30

Moonnstars · 16/10/2025 07:29

Voted YABU for trusting this guy you have been 'casually' dating with your money. An expensive mistake to make.

I was sat right next to him didnt think he’d have the stones to simply say it’s gone. Yeah lesson learned.

OP posts:
DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:32

Does vinted money come through right away? I thought it takes 2 or 3 days to clear.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:32

PollyBell · 16/10/2025 07:21

Yea he should give you the money but you shouldn't have done this in the first place

And he made you cringe why stay with him, casual or not, maybe have higher standards in future

He was only recently he started to make me cringe. I had to ask him to stop saying gorgeous at the end of every single sentence. Too much

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:34

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:32

Does vinted money come through right away? I thought it takes 2 or 3 days to clear.

Yes it has the few times I have done it. When it is in your Vinted account already and you press to transfer to your bank. It doesn’t come straight away once you have sold something

OP posts:
JMSA · 16/10/2025 07:34

Major ick.

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:35

Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:34

Yes it has the few times I have done it. When it is in your Vinted account already and you press to transfer to your bank. It doesn’t come straight away once you have sold something

Show quote history

Ah I thought it takes a couple of days from when you release to your bank account.

Owly11 · 16/10/2025 07:39

Yabu to ask to use someone else's bank details. I also cannot understand why you are writing the money off. Just because he doesn't pay you back straight away doesn't mean he gets to keep it. That is completely illogical. He still owes it to you and has to pay it when he has money in his account. Since he was doing you a favour i agree with him that getting angry with him straight away is over the top. Also it seems like you were fine to be with him and trust him to do this but don't like him. Why trust someone with your money that you don't like and don't trust.

Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:41

DEAROP · 16/10/2025 07:35

Ah I thought it takes a couple of days from when you release to your bank account.

Show quote history

It comes up with a message saying that but I’ve sold about 4 things now and it went in immediately

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucy2586 · 16/10/2025 07:44

Owly11 · 16/10/2025 07:39

Yabu to ask to use someone else's bank details. I also cannot understand why you are writing the money off. Just because he doesn't pay you back straight away doesn't mean he gets to keep it. That is completely illogical. He still owes it to you and has to pay it when he has money in his account. Since he was doing you a favour i agree with him that getting angry with him straight away is over the top. Also it seems like you were fine to be with him and trust him to do this but don't like him. Why trust someone with your money that you don't like and don't trust.

I did like him and did like spending time with him but he was getting a bit much lately. Also, I have done him lots of favours. This was Sunday no money and no apology. He can will as much as he likes he was in the wrong

OP posts:
pilates · 16/10/2025 07:44

Lazy and money issues both unattractive traits. Get rid.

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