Fuming with this guy

[Lucy2586]

So I have been very casually dating a guy for about year, my choice i am a single
parent and my 11 year old comes first and we are going through assessments etc for ASD so he know I am not interested in commitment. I see him once a week usually, he’s good company and a laugh but as I got to know him more ive realised he is so lazy…turn off.

Anyway I had quite a lot of valuable things and decided before Christmas I’d put them on Vinted to help with costs for this Christmas. For some reason it wouldn’t let me add my bank details so I said can I add yours and will you transfer it. I made a sale it wasn’t much money £50 so the money went to him i was with him and I said transfer it over. He said I can’t my bank charges have taken it. I wasn’t happy and I said I want it tomorrow. That was Sunday and he has ignored me since. I am not contacting him again and if he contacts me he’s getting told to piss off. Write the money off. I feel like he’s trying to make out that I am in the wrong for getting mad at him. Also he is a total love bomber, dont think I have ever heard him call me by name just gorgeous and I hate it makes me cringe.

I don’t feel hurt or anything but what an absolute prick. I certainly pick them even in the most casual way. I genuinely want to stay single for good now I am done and happy to be done. I don’t know what happened to decent guys.

To his account?

You were mad to add his bank details instead of your own. What on earth possessed you to think that was a good idea? You’re slagging him off now and calling him names, so what does that say about your judgement that you did it in the first place? A bit of self-reflection is needed here.

No I agree you did take things slow, imagine if he was involved in your life.

No only once to his account. I sold things on my old Vinted acct ages ago. I usually only buy things

Glad he isn’t and won’t be. My DD always comes first so if he was happy with a casual arrangement i was too.

Yeah I am I have known him 3 years i thought we had trust so yeah I am slagging him off. Shoot me

Did you see the money clear in his account? Just I've asked my son and he said that his always takes 2-3 working days to clear when he transfers the funds. He is with Barclays.

His behaviour is inexcusable, no one can defend him, but it was an incredibly stupid thing for you to do. Expensive lesson learned.

Definitely check why your bank details couldn’t be used for future reference. As for the bloke……he’s history as well as being an absolute shit! He must have been bloody overdrawn for his bank to take that money surely and was an even bigger shit for not telling you! ?

You need to definitely remove your bank details from that Vinted account. Don't sell anything more until that's happened. I would contact him on his payday and tell him to transfer the money. I wouldn't dump him until I got the money but I wouldn't see him either.

Yeah he said it went straight in and out. It might for some people but like I said the 4 sales I have made it’s gone straight in. Im not a pro though like some.

I have removed it and maybe it was naive on my part but he knew I’d been having a hard time with my dd starting high school. Shes fine now going to student support but was terrified and refusing to due sensory issues. I didn’t think he’d be so insensitive under the circumstances i was so upset for a couple of weeks.

Yeah that’s why I got annoyed and yeah maybe need to up my standards but not looking to marry the guy I don’t even want to live with anyone again i am happy but a bit of company with someone you have a laugh with on a free night was nice

I have checked it’s because my bank details are still connected to my old acct i am getting that one shut down.

Did not even think of that.

You may want casual and only once a week because of your particular circumstances, but I'd really question the motivations of what the guy wants out of this relationship.

Youre not working to building a life together, which is fine, and it works for you. The question is how does it work for him?

My suspicion would be there is someone else or someones (plural) else. Either way, you aren't that invested in him, and the flip side of that is he isn't that invested in you.

You've then sent him money he seems to desperately need I think you should be prepared that this is going to be difficult to claw back

You don't even know that it WAS eaten up by charges. Either he knew it would happen and stole from you, or he's straight up stolen from you.

The only good thing is this greedy dishonest cocklodger in the making showed his true colours and all it cost you was 50 quid. There are so many threads on here from women who had smarter cocklodgers who used stealth over a much longer period before they even knew what was happening!

Well he’d been hurt in a long term relationship before we started meeting up. We are were mostly friends really tbh. Yes it will silly of me but he has transferred to me to pick something and vice versa never been a problem.

more recently though I’d noticed when I went to his it wasn’t as clean as it had been and other things that made me think he wasn’t actually being himself now he’s letting it all hang out and it wasn’t too impressive.

I'd be super nice to him and ask him for money because it is getting cold and your child needs a new shoes or jacket.
As soon as I got it from him I would dump and block him.
What an arse he is. Not worth your time.

I will give it a bit longer see if he even attempts to pay me.

Yes I have read many threads about the dreaded cocklodger or hobo sexual. I had started to notice him placing bets on football too so not sure if he has a problem, either way i am glad I wasn’t invested.

It’s only been me and my DD for 10 years and I like it that way. I do have money for Christmas but thought getting rid of things i do not need anymore would help as it’s getting tougher financially for everyone.

If he was already overdrawn by at least £50 then he would be able to still transfer that £50 to you. All it would have done is lessened his overdraft but as the bank had already allowed him to go overdrawn they would have allowed that £50 to go out to you.

He's a dick. I would not wait and would definitely say what a pp said about your DD needing new shoes/coat now it's cold.

He knows I’d already bought her those things because we did speak quite regular. I just don’t want anyone staying here with DD here. Thing is it’s always been pretty laid back and I think he thought I’d say oh just pay me when you can but I didn’t due to the way nonchalant manner he went about it.

That's definitely what it is - happened to my daughter. You have to delete your old account then it will let you.

Sorry to hear this man turned out to be such a dick, involving money seems to bring out people's true colours...

Also he always messages me first because he mainly works in the evening and gets up at different times but radio silence. Maybe he thinks I owe as I got really sick with flu and he did a bit of running around for me. who knows but it’s no way to behave.