Do actors fall in love a bit with each other in real life?

[IfIwereahotairballoon]

I’m in a drama group and in our next play I am playing one of the main characters in a love story. I’m happily married and this is the first time I’ve kissed anyone other than DH in more than 10 years, so it’s felt like quite a big deal.

And honestly I’m completely infatuated. Since we first rehearsed the kiss last week I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Every time she messages me (which is only about play stuff) I get a little frisson. It’s absolutely mad because if we hadn’t been cast together as these two characters I wouldn’t have given her a second thought! (I’m straight, as far as I know 😂)

How do professional actors do this as a job without falling madly in love all the time?!

After the play we will go our separate ways and I’ll probably never see her again. Nothing is ever going to happen beyond the play - I love my DH so much, we’ve got a beautiful family and I would NEVER risk blowing up all our lives. Oh and she has a girlfriend and almost certainly zero interest in me.

I know it’s not real. It just feels really real when we’re acting it. And I don’t know how to dissociate from that feeling. And maybe it’s a little bit exciting to feel that thrill of falling in love after having been in a stable relationship for so long.

I don’t even know what I want from this thread! Other than maybe people to say “yeah that’s normal, you’re not gay and you’ll get over it”!

This, and it wasn't white filming it was quite a bit after.

I was wondering about this the other day after watching The Girlfriend on Prime. It was a bit silly but the characters had good chemistry.

I once read a novel by Jilly Cooper where the main character was a lead actress starring in a play with an actor.

She said that she fancied the actor so much when they were acting, but once the curtain fell, he transformed back into just her friend and fellow actor who was married with three kids and lived in the suburbs.

Yeah I imagine it’s really common. I found myself getting a similar frisson for a guy acting opposite me in The Importance of Being Earnest but he was absolutely not my type at all, and after the show finished its run I never gave him a second thought!

Love/attraction is a drug, a chemical reaction, derren brown did a show about it

Clint Eastwood had an affair with pretty much every woman he ever co-starred with 😉

nomas · Yesterday 21:46
Yes, Proximity & Propinquity

Exactly. “Nothing pinks like propinquity”.

Well everyone in the cast has each other’s numbers - we need it to arrange rehearsals etc. So that ship has sailed. I saved her in my phone as “[her name] [character name]” so I don’t know if the frisson I get when she messages is from her or just the character if that makes sense.

I haven’t been fantasising about her because honestly, there is nowhere that fantasy could go 😂 I don’t want her, I want my dh. But I do sometimes think about what our characters would get up to off stage…

I have been in a VERY good mood recently and it’s my dh who is getting the benefit of that…

Of course. What happens on tour, stays on tour.

There may be several examples of this happening in real life but someone needs to point out that there are substantially more examples of actors who do not fall in love with or have affairs with their screen/stage romantic partners. It's troubling that everyone in this thread has brought up the celebrities who did this as though that minority of couples makes this an iron rule.

The tabloids are obviously not going to run stories on the millions of actors who did a love scene together and then did not get together in real life.

I think you need to avoid these sorts of roles in the future @IfIwereahotairballoon, for the sake of your marriage. Imagine the temptation if she was infatuated with you too?!

Siiiigh you’re probably right…

I actually don’t think anything would happen even if we were both single. We’re far too awkward around each other in real life!

I don't disagree with this, but as an actor I can tell you that I've absolutely been a little bit infatuated any time I've had to play a character with an onstage romantic interest. You're doing and saying all the things you would if you were in love, and so are they - it just spills out a little! The trick is to recognise it for what it is, and enjoy it while knowing it won't ever be more than a temporary rush of feelings which aren't real. This does happen to lots and lots of actors, it's just that most of us don't take it beyond the point at which it's useful for onstage chemistry!

And I don't think it has anything to do with sexual orientation or usual preferences. If you're both acting in love, you'll feel a little bit in love, whoever it is. And it'll make your performance better 😊

Well if we were famous the tabloids wouldn’t be running any stories on us because we’re not going to get together! I just wondered if the feelings (unacted upon) are normal…

Definitely, the intimacy and time spent together, the going through the same highs and lows together, it’s probably one of the easiest ways to fall in love.
The fact you’ve enjoyed it so much says you would be better single though. That’s what I did.. I kept fantasising and feeling like I was missing out

Wow ouch 😂 well I’m not planning to become single anytime soon - I love DH, we’re a great parenting team and I have an absolutely beautiful life with him… not going to do anything to jeopardise that!

That’s great! Just a bit of fun fantasising then ☺️

It’s a thing. We call it a showmance. It’s one of the reasons we have intimacy coordinators. Do some de-rolling at the end of rehearsals to separate yourself from the character.

What’s derolling and how do you do it?

They are exercises to separate yourself from the character. I like physical things like. Shaking it off or playing a game. Some folk do things like finding differences between them and their character so my character likes coffee, I don’t like coffee I like tea. Also helps to think of the intimacy stuff like a kind of choreography, make it more technical in your head. I look here for a count of three, I touch her arm for five seconds. Etc.Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between real/not real.

Sheila Hancock talks about this in her autobiography. She and John Thaw met when acting together. She was a decade older than him and he became besotted with her. He told her he loved her and was going to marry her but she brushed it off telling him it was propinquity. Of course they did eventually marry.

She said that throughout their marriage, if they were ever at a boring function, John would lean in and, with a waggle of his eyebrows whisper, "Do you fancy a bit of propinquity?" Lovely.

Lucky you OP 😂, I’d love to have a fling with a girl ( but I’m single so it’s different) 😁..I kinda think you’re attracted to women , what you’re going to do with that new revelation in your life , only you can answer 🤷🏻‍♀️…
I wouldn’t be risking my husband & kids for it though ..
I’m sure when play is over feelings will subside ..
I don’t know , you’re after finding out girls turn you on & more than just to look at I guess ..

Ha ha I’m going to do absolutely nothing with that except to enjoy the play!

But if you’re single what’s stopping you from having a fling with a woman? Go for it!

I live in a small town in Ireland 🤷🏻‍♀️..
I’ve gone on fabswingers before to see could I meet a girl cause you don’t have to put a face pic up on it , so it’s when you would chat with someone for a while & trust them you could exchange pics , there was no one i clicked with though ... Like I have to like chatting to them & fancy them ..
If I go on a dating Ap then I’d have to have a pic up & I have grown up children , ( in 49 ) if I was ever seen i’d literally be disowned 🙈

And that wasn't a remotely romantic situation......