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Original poster

Do actors fall in love a bit with each other in real life?

75 replies

IfIwereahotairballoon · 15/10/2025 21:42

I’m in a drama group and in our next play I am playing one of the main characters in a love story. I’m happily married and this is the first time I’ve kissed anyone other than DH in more than 10 years, so it’s felt like quite a big deal.

And honestly I’m completely infatuated. Since we first rehearsed the kiss last week I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Every time she messages me (which is only about play stuff) I get a little frisson. It’s absolutely mad because if we hadn’t been cast together as these two characters I wouldn’t have given her a second thought! (I’m straight, as far as I know 😂)

How do professional actors do this as a job without falling madly in love all the time?!

After the play we will go our separate ways and I’ll probably never see her again. Nothing is ever going to happen beyond the play - I love my DH so much, we’ve got a beautiful family and I would NEVER risk blowing up all our lives. Oh and she has a girlfriend and almost certainly zero interest in me.

I know it’s not real. It just feels really real when we’re acting it. And I don’t know how to dissociate from that feeling. And maybe it’s a little bit exciting to feel that thrill of falling in love after having been in a stable relationship for so long.

I don’t even know what I want from this thread! Other than maybe people to say “yeah that’s normal, you’re not gay and you’ll get over it”!

OP posts:
Sal820 · 15/10/2025 21:44

It happens all the time I'm sure, Brangelina for a start - look at the Strictly curse too.

nomas · 15/10/2025 21:46

Yes, Proximity & Propinquity.

emboxing · 15/10/2025 21:47

I think you might be a bit less straight than you realised!

XenoBitch · 15/10/2025 21:56

Yes, it happens. Probably depends on your roles together though.
Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander fell in love during he filming of The Light Between Oceans. They played a married couple.
They have been married for years now and have two children.

Potatoepatatoe · 15/10/2025 22:01

Tom hardy fell in love with his second wife on set too, before he was as famous as he is now

Original poster
IfIwereahotairballoon · 15/10/2025 22:03

emboxing · 15/10/2025 21:47

I think you might be a bit less straight than you realised!

Hmmm yes quite possibly. Not that it makes any difference now though.

OP posts:
Jollyjoy · 15/10/2025 22:05

Wow what an experience!! Makes me think of some research where they got strangers to make uninterrupted eye contact with one another for several minutes, and a number of the pairs fell in love and iirc there was a marriage from it! Human connection is an amazing thing I guess.

Wheelskeepturning · 15/10/2025 22:08

Hugh Dennis and Claire something from Outnumbered got together during filming although they were both with other partners. They have been together since.

Zov · 15/10/2025 22:13

Surely it's the same with any work colleagues who spend a lot of time together (often more than they do with their husband/wife?) Not all do of course, but it does happen.

Solipsis92 · 15/10/2025 22:15

A lot of actors have affairs with their costars don't they. So it's probably not uncommon.

blankcanvas3 · 15/10/2025 22:21

It’s a proximity thing I think. That’s why people on Strictly are always leaving their husbands/wives. I do think you might not be straight though

parietal · 15/10/2025 22:23

some actors train to be able to separate their real selves from the character to avoid this problem. but it is not easy to do because if you put your own emotion into the character, then you can get in a muddle.

it is even worse if you are playing a 'baddie' or twisted / damaged character, so do be careful!

Checkcheckout · 15/10/2025 22:26

Was she wearing cherry chapstick?

teacupzs · 15/10/2025 22:34

it's not just proximity but in the case of a acting you often have to act that you are in love with them. Strictly you are very physically close to someone and then I imagine the experience is quite intense.

Original poster
IfIwereahotairballoon · 15/10/2025 22:41

teacupzs · 15/10/2025 22:34

it's not just proximity but in the case of a acting you often have to act that you are in love with them. Strictly you are very physically close to someone and then I imagine the experience is quite intense.

It’s VERY intense! That’s exactly what it is. It’s not just the kissing, it’s the flirting and the lingering looks and the physical closeness. I honestly don’t know how anyone could do this and not be emotionally affected by it. Previously I’ve only played comedy sidekick type characters so it’s never been a problem!

OP posts:
MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 15/10/2025 22:47

‘Tis totally a thing. I directed a play once which had quite an intense love story in it for the main couple. On our opening night, my leading man broke up with his long-term partner so he and the leading lady could be together. This came as rather a shock to the LL, who had no interest in him whatsoever and had been, y’know, acting.

Cue more drama offstage than on, with him weeping about his broken heart backstage, and the understandably furious girlfriend turning up to the theatre to confront them both, and me and the poor LL having to try and convince her that nothing was going on except in the LM’s head…

A few weeks after the end of the run, the LM emailed me to apologise for his behaviour and explain that he’d “forgotten where he ended and the character began.”

I also know lots of happy couples who’ve gotten together after performing together - and yes, often at the expense of their previous partners. And I myself always have a little frisson with my on-stage partners, and I do think it helps with chemistry, but I never take it any further, and it always fades quickly as soon as the show is done.

So I’d say enjoy it, it’ll probably help your performance - but just remember you’re only acting.

Original poster
IfIwereahotairballoon · 15/10/2025 22:54

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 15/10/2025 22:47

‘Tis totally a thing. I directed a play once which had quite an intense love story in it for the main couple. On our opening night, my leading man broke up with his long-term partner so he and the leading lady could be together. This came as rather a shock to the LL, who had no interest in him whatsoever and had been, y’know, acting.

Cue more drama offstage than on, with him weeping about his broken heart backstage, and the understandably furious girlfriend turning up to the theatre to confront them both, and me and the poor LL having to try and convince her that nothing was going on except in the LM’s head…

A few weeks after the end of the run, the LM emailed me to apologise for his behaviour and explain that he’d “forgotten where he ended and the character began.”

I also know lots of happy couples who’ve gotten together after performing together - and yes, often at the expense of their previous partners. And I myself always have a little frisson with my on-stage partners, and I do think it helps with chemistry, but I never take it any further, and it always fades quickly as soon as the show is done.

So I’d say enjoy it, it’ll probably help your performance - but just remember you’re only acting.

This is very reassuring! And that story made me laugh so much! Did the LM’s long term girlfriend forgive him or was that the end of that?

The show will be over in a couple of weeks so normal life can resume. I’m sure it will fade as you say - she’s really not my type at all in real life! And yes I am enjoying it, but with an undertone of guilt and panic..

OP posts:
teacupzs · 15/10/2025 22:57

When I watch gladiator I'm in love with Maximus however I am not attracted to Russell Crowe

BoudiccaRuled · 15/10/2025 23:09

Diane Keaton seemed to have had a romantic relationship with almost all her on screen partners. Great fun for a while, I should think!

emboxing · 15/10/2025 23:11

You need to compartmentalise it. Allow yourself to enjoy it only when you're rehearsing/on stage with her. As soon as you are not acting, treat it as you would a job. No getting her contact details or going for drinks after unless it's a big enough group so you can be separate. Definitely no fantasising about her.

SpudsAndCarrots · 15/10/2025 23:14

emboxing · 15/10/2025 21:47

I think you might be a bit less straight than you realised!

I think most women find other women attractive. Women are innately attractive. It doesn't mean you're not straight, the same as having a one night stand doesn't mean you're in love with that person. Feelings are on a scale not a "yes no" sort of thing.

Matchalattecoco · 15/10/2025 23:16

Happened to Ryan Gosling twice!!

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 15/10/2025 23:43

IfIwereahotairballoon · 15/10/2025 22:54

This is very reassuring! And that story made me laugh so much! Did the LM’s long term girlfriend forgive him or was that the end of that?

The show will be over in a couple of weeks so normal life can resume. I’m sure it will fade as you say - she’s really not my type at all in real life! And yes I am enjoying it, but with an undertone of guilt and panic..

Show quote history

She did indeed forgive him and they got back together.

Possibly not coincidentally, he also quit acting not long after…

emboxing · 15/10/2025 23:51

SpudsAndCarrots · 15/10/2025 23:14

I think most women find other women attractive. Women are innately attractive. It doesn't mean you're not straight, the same as having a one night stand doesn't mean you're in love with that person. Feelings are on a scale not a "yes no" sort of thing.

Show quote history

There's a difference between finding women objectively attractive and enjoying kissing a particular woman and getting "a little frisson" to quote the OP.

If you get turned on by kissing women then it's sensible to consider if you might be bisexual. Bisexuality is a spectrum and you can be primarily opposite sex attracted (or vice versa) and still be bisexual.

tobee · 16/10/2025 01:58

Wheelskeepturning · 15/10/2025 22:08

Hugh Dennis and Claire something from Outnumbered got together during filming although they were both with other partners. They have been together since.

Actually they got together quite a while after splitting from their respective spouses. They are now married.