To tell MIL to go with other SIL

[Tightytights]

MIL asked my DH if I’ll take her shopping to buy an outfit for an upcoming special event. I suggested a shopping experience at John Lewis as I’d had one and enjoyed it. I have only two ‘free’ days this month to myself and agreed on one of those days to drive her to the store (1.5 hours drive each way).
She suggested we make a day of it and could I book lunch somewhere which I did, I booked a ‘naive’ place. She’s now invited other DIL and her adult granddaughter (who both are extremely frugal shall we say!), and wants me to find/book somewhere cheaper. Neither of them work and to be honest I do feel somewhat miffed at now having to spend the day chauffeuring them and having them moan about the cost of everything to the point MIL will no doubt end up funding their lunch anyway, and I’ll have to pay for a possibly boring lunch for myself.
AIBU to tell MIL to book a place herself? DH says she’ll get all flustered about that but I’d prefer not to go at all now but neither of them drive so they need me.

Surely your SIL's daughter can use the internet? She must be relatively young and will have been required to use computers at school. This is massively weaponised incompetence to avoid doing anything for themselves. Do not pander to them.

"The OP gets only 2 days off a month. "

The OP doesn't say this. She says she has two "free" days this month. That could mean anything.

Thing is you can get a decent lunch somewhere nice for about the same price as a JL cafe sandwich these days.

I definitely advocate taking a step back on the lunch booking OP. It’s the height of rudeness to reject your choice, then expect you to source something cheaper ! I like the suggestions saying that you’re happy to eat wherever suits and as SIL is working to a budget it’s probably better if she chooses. Maybe put the boot in and say “Chez swanky that I originally chose is a lovely place, so maybe we could go there some other time just the two of us.” But probably not as unfortunately for MIL in the circumstances that have arisen, I would be taking a big step back and would be unlikely to arrange any future special excursions.

Naive is supposed to be "naice" I think.

Not just nice but MN nice.

Pretty rude of MIL to invite others along without checking.

I would say that they can rebook somewhere else and you’ll cancel your booking once it’s confirmed, but you don’t have time to do all of the research and then to and fro between them for approval.

Google didn’t really help in terms of of explaining what a naive lunch place is, so I’m intrigued.

'Hi MIL, I'm looking forward to our shopping trip. As it involves quite a lot of driving for me, I wanted to treat myself a bit and have a nice lunch so I'd really prefer to stick to our original arrangements and eat at the restaurant I have already booked. If this is too pricy for SIL and GD, I quite understand but maybe they won't be able to come.on this occasion.'

Something like that? It's not too rude but asserts your own boundaries - as the trip is seemingly totally dependent on you, you absolutely do get some say over it. No way I would do 3 hours' driving without some 'reward'.

I think that plans are too far advanced for MIL to easily change and uninvite the other two. And you will be the villain of the peace if you do which would drag on far longer than a day's shopping trip. So you may just have to go ahead with it. MIL shouldn't have invited them as in my experience it will only cause delays in achieving the mission but perhaps they sort of invited themselves?

Your John Lewis idea is excellent and the personal shopper is used to dealing with the shopper's extra people. I once did one in Monsoon which was very good and very affordable.

When my DIL was arriving from abroad and needed emergency shoes. I got a good description of what she was looking for and did a good internet search on what was available in our nearest big shopping centre so we already had a hit list of which shops we needed to get to. We had no time for mail order and had to find something that was in stock and it worked really well ( about an hour online).

You might save some of the time... ( and get your MIL used to the price range in advance so she's clear on what she's probably going to have to pay) By doing some online suggestions..

The MN shopping bit often has great suggestions of online brands that are sometimes in the big department stores ( so you have the best of both worlds, and can do click and collect and try on)
Also gets her used to what's out that.

A separate post about recommendations in the area would be good. If you are in John Lewis, you may as well save time and shoe leather by going to the Place to Eat ( Silliest most literal name for a cafe)

Good luck. It's only one day... and make sure DH has a large G and T and a nice dinner waiting for you when you get home. I would suggest he comes along and shares the pain, but I know in my case that would be extremely counter productive due to the deeply felt sighs and the "buy that one" suggestions that would go on. But he had better be deeply appreciative.

Yes, that is a good message.

Pretty sure it's a typo for 'naice' aka a bit posh

Op hasn’t “made any bed” from what I can gather.
She arranged to take MIL shopping and booked them into a nice restaurant for lunch, which I assume MIL agreed too.

All good so far

Then SIL and her DD decide to tag along. Not sure if this was SIL asking to come or MIL inviting her. They have now changed the goal posts.

This change in goal posts has nothing to do with Op because as far as she was concerned they were going to John Lewis then out for a swanky lunch. All had been arranged.

You can’t tag along to someone else’s outing and demand a change of plan. You’ve got to be socially unaware at best to do this.

Op - assert your boundaries. You need to tell MIL that you had your plan and you were looking forward to it. You’re not going to change the restaurant choice. If you care feeling ok about having extras tag along then they need to man up and find somewhere for lunch as you’ve done your bit.

Some people are so incapable

At this point I’d invent a work emergency or some other reason, and cancel. MIL can order online.

I mean, she’ll be wearing the dress for perhaps three hours. Why should OP invest an entire free day plus all this advance planning & aggravation for that?! A day given up to select a dress no one is going to care about or remember the next day.

So cringe 😳

Or I'd have a reason for no room in the car.. back seats down, full boot.
You'll of course meet the other rels at JL! 😇

They are all piss takers. Your MIL wants to go shopping with your SIL and niece. The problem is none of them drive. The easiest way to solve that is to butter you up by praising your good taste and get you to drive and book lunch somewhere you like.

Once you’re committed they change everything to have the day they wanted all along, with you as chauffeur.

I don’t think there’s a way out of this without you looking bad in their eyes. I’m not sure I would care about that because I don’t like being manipulated. But for ongoing family harmony perhaps you should just toe the line this time but never be available again. In future if DH cannot do whatever MIL needs it doesn’t get done.

DH sorts out all the booking and planning, comes along on the day as driver and has lunch with you all. You simply contribute fashion expertise.

I don’t think this is quite true. I’d say ops mil does value her fashion advice, and an awards ceremony probably feels like quite a big deal, so shopping for it also feels like it should be ‘an affair’, but now sil is coming mil wants to keep her happy too. It would be very rude to cancel but I’d refuse to sort lunch.

Agree with all of this, up.unti the 'toe the line' why should op acquiesce to their rudeness?
I'd just be 'breezy' and be all 'yay! You have sil and dgd to help, was so worried about my needing to cancel!'

I’d cancel the day and go round to hers with an ipad and some online suggestions.

This is the only scenario I would agree to, in the LW's shoes.

This makes it sound like SiL just popped up unexpectedly.

What happened was MiL liked the idea of the day and wanted to do it with her DD and DGC so invited them along and then asked to change details to prioritize her new guests’ preferences.

You could always suggest that you stick to your original plan with just you & mil. Have a nice day with lunch & JL. She can have a separate and very different day out with SIL & her child.
Sell it to mil as two days out.