To tell MIL to go with other SIL

[Tightytights]

MIL asked my DH if I’ll take her shopping to buy an outfit for an upcoming special event. I suggested a shopping experience at John Lewis as I’d had one and enjoyed it. I have only two ‘free’ days this month to myself and agreed on one of those days to drive her to the store (1.5 hours drive each way).
She suggested we make a day of it and could I book lunch somewhere which I did, I booked a ‘naive’ place. She’s now invited other DIL and her adult granddaughter (who both are extremely frugal shall we say!), and wants me to find/book somewhere cheaper. Neither of them work and to be honest I do feel somewhat miffed at now having to spend the day chauffeuring them and having them moan about the cost of everything to the point MIL will no doubt end up funding their lunch anyway, and I’ll have to pay for a possibly boring lunch for myself.
AIBU to tell MIL to book a place herself? DH says she’ll get all flustered about that but I’d prefer not to go at all now but neither of them drive so they need me.

I agree with those saying just cancel (and think it likely MiL's plan was to invite them all along - prefers their company but wants you to do the leg work).

Alternatively cut everything back - I have no idea how to find something both SiL and I will find acceptable. I think it might be best if we just do the shopping experience at JL and don't make a day of it. Too many clashing requirements.

Then you are fulfilling your "duty" to help her out with the thing you are supposedly more expert in but you aren't being taken for a fool with the whole thing turning into you chauffeuring three generations of DH's family about for a day trip.

It sounds to me as though they just like not having any responsibility and want you to carry all the mental load for their day out. Fuck that shit.

I dunno, it sounds to me like MIL is excited at the whole awards ceremony thing and wants to bring you all in as a part of it. Personally, I'd suck it up for one day, just to make her feel special.

Just say ‘Look, MIL, I was happy to take you shopping because you wanted my advice. The arrangements seem to have changed significantly. Why don’t we just do it a different day as originally arranged? The only other day I can do is X. Enjoy your day out with the others.’

Why is everyone on this thread being so mean? OP, you’ve done a really nice thing in setting this up - your MIL is clearly looking forward to it and sees it as a big event. The fact that she’s invited her other female relatives shows that it means a lot to her and that she wants it to be a bonding day out. You’ve committed to it and it wouldn’t be kind to back out now. I can see why you’re annoyed at the idea of spending the day with people you wouldn’t choose to, and at the way they’re being a bit feeble about lunch, but that’s just minor stuff compared to doing something for your MIL that sounds as if she is thinking of as a real treat. We all do things that are mildly aggravating for other people we care about.

Yes I’d be miffed too , it’s rude of mil to assume you are happy to chauffeur everyone around all day and organise everything to suit everyone else’s needs. It’s reasonable to push back that dil books lunch.
And lesson learnt next time don’t bother.

I wouldn't be happy with her adding SIL and her DD to the outing. It's feeling like you're just the designated driver, so they're using you. Damned if I'd give up one of only two free days I had to be their skivvy. If MIL has a stylist at the store then she doesn't need your fashion advice.

Can they not get a bus or train to the shopping venue?

Insist your sil books somewhere but be explicit ie ‘somewhere she’s happy to pay for’ because otherwise I think you’ll be landed with the bill.

I don't think people are being mean, they're just reflecting a perspective that centres OP and considers her feelings as more important etc., instead of MiL.

Exactly, the mil isn't thinking of op other than as a taxi!

This. The lunch thing is annoying but as you don’t want a ‘boring’ lunch just suggest you cancel that part and grab coffee/cake in JL then get home. It’s frustrating they are passive but tbh OP you sound a bit high maintenance and slightly judgy. You can’t cancel now - it would be cruel. Suck it up as a lesson learnt - only spend your days off with people who can pay for and appreciate the kind of superior lunch you like!

I would probably be honest with MIL - you thought it was going to be the two of you and you are not keen on shopping / day out as a bigger group group so why don’t we do the personal shopper, have a snack in JL cafe and then do our own thing / go home after. And then never agree again or say only if it’s just us 2.

I could have saved my time and said - this!

DMIL probably sees it as a nice day out with her DDILS - shame to spoil this for her but know that in future you will get the plans firmly decided before she adds others to the group and cheap place to eat.
Don't get caught out again. But hard to spoil this once.

Also disagree with the assumption that the MIL is using OP as a chauffeur for the wider family when it was OP who first suggested a 1.5 hour drive to do a bit of clothes shopping.

The. Why is the OP organising everything? Why can’t MILs OWN DD organise.

if as OP predicts the MIL will pay for herself and the others but not OP then that makes it even ruder

Then surely MIL can pay for everyone’s lunch. Not everyone except OP who will have done all the planning, booking and driving

If the OP gets only 2 days off a month and is doing favour the. It’s hardly high maintenance to want a nice lunch.

You may be happy with ‘spoons or McD but that doesn’t mean anyone who chooses something nicer is a snob

@ElizabethVonArnim

the rudeness in my mind is that MIL wants this favour. The OP gets only 2 days off a month. The others have lots of free time yet the OP is being expected to do all the planning, booking and driving and then not being allowed to choose where to eat and be the only one paying for their meal as MIL will be paying for her DDs but not the OP.

That’s so so rude

I’ve done an in person John Lewis session. The changing room was smalll. There may have been 2 seats outside but I don’t think there were three. Obviously all shops have a different set up, but has she even checked there’s room for you all and that it’s ok for you all to be there?

OP could you just tell your SIL you couldn’t find anywhere else suitable for lunch/ that had availability. If she is incapable of make a reservation then she can’t say much to that. If she still pushes back then let her phone around a few places- she may not be internet savvy but everyone can use a phone!

I would still drive them there, tell them to book their own place for lunch and then I’d drop them off and bugger off by myself. I’d spend the time browsing at my leisure, having lunch where I wanted to eat and meet them at a pre-arranged time to take them home. Sorted.

I would chuckle and say well yes it’s something I’ve already done and sorted!
Happy to change if SIL finds something she’d prefer otherwise I’ll see you on Saturday etc

Yes! Just say you are already driving and spent enough time already booking somewhere for lunch. If they want to change the plans it’s on them.

I think the only thing your mil has doen wrong is look to change the lunch plans to accommodate other people.

If it was me, I'd do what another pp suggested and tell her that you'll cancel the lunch reservation but will leave it to other sil to find somewhere suitable or you guys can just find a pret or something equally depressing on the day.

I think it would reflect really badly on you and smack of a toddler throwing toys out of a pram if you now said that you're not going anymore.

Yes, it's annoying she included other people (who you don't really like) but I think you need to just suck that up.